


A place not deliberate

by offgunpointe



Category: Babii, offgun
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Fluff, M/M, Mild Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:54:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 88,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25731682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/offgunpointe/pseuds/offgunpointe
Summary: All Gun ever wanted was to get his boyfriend back, Oab, whom he unfortunately lost into a battle with cancer. In the process of healing, he met Oab's childhood best friend, Off, making him realize that Oab might not be the perfect boyfriend after all.
Relationships: Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat
Comments: 74
Kudos: 168





	1. PROLOGUE; You had a face straight out a magazine

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, welcome to another journey with this account! :) First things first; TRIGGER WARNING for those who are sensitive with the topic of cancer and death, please spare yourself from risky triggers.
> 
> This is purely fictional. 
> 
> This work is inspired by; A change of heart by The 1975

'He was not only my partner, he was my rock, the one keeping me still within those shaky seven years. It might seem long but now, standing here in front of all of you, it feels shorter than anything else.' Gun took a deep breath reading his messy handwriting on the crumpled paper in his shaky hands that is stained with last night's tears.

'He saw me deep within and he accepted all of me, a very cliché thing to say, but he did, and I'll forever be grateful. I met him in freshmen year in college and since then I've always felt safe. Safe within his arms, safe within his touch, and safe within his warmth.' He closes his eyes, swallowing the lump forming in his throat, trying to reminisce fresh memories of the warm feeling that used to be readily available for him to get home to. 

He couldn't believe the words rushing out of his mouth. A couple of weeks ago he wouldn't have thought that he would say such words towards a person he cares for the most but right now it is the only thing he could ever do. 

Gun could feel the eyes of the people sitting in front of him and he could already hear their questions that they'll probably ask later. 

_'How did it happen?'_

_'When did he...?'_

_'How are you?'_

_'How are you holding up?'_

_'You'll get through this, I'm always here so, whenever you need someone to talk to, just give me a call, alright?'_

_'There are plenty of fishes in the sea'_

It feels icky. It unsettles him just by thinking about the wave of pity coming his way for a couple of weeks before it passes by like old headlines of a newspaper. Right now all he could really think of, is the smell off the sweater he'll probably snuggle up later as soon as he got home, his smell is still alive in it, but it's not enough to keep Gun stable for the night.

It's not enough to keep him safe or make him close his eyes and sleep soundlessly.

It lacks in more aspects than he could probably think of. 

'I love you Oab, and I will always do. Rest in peac-' He was about to finish his sentence when the door of the chapel swung open, catching the attention of everyone including Gun. 

'Oh shit' The guy whispered, a little too loud for Gun to hear even when he's standing at the altar. The guy looks up at everyone in front of him with wide eyes and flushed cheeks, he looks down at the ground trying to avoid eye contact with people, making his way towards a vacant seat. 

Gun softly taps the microphone in front of him, clearing his throat and dismissing the interference, before he repeated. 

'I love you Oab, rest in peace.'


	2. 1: I would have love to go to Paris again

**_6 years ago_ **

_'I know this is a lot more anti-climactic for our first anniversary and it would have been nicer if we got into your actual dream destination, but I guess for today this will do?' Oab explained, looking at him with apologetic eyes. They are currently sitting at the roof in front of Oab's bedroom window, the night breeze embracing the both of them and the cold material of the roof numbing their asses._

_Gun shook his head, it might not be Paris but he's glad that he gets to spend his time with Oab. For one, he couldn't really believe that he got to be with someone for a year now and that that someone is still here smiling back at him with gentle eyes._

_'Are you kidding? This is better than Paris' He half teased half reassured his boyfriend, putting his head on top of its shoulder. He sighs, looking at the city unraveling in front of them, lights from infrastructures giving life to every corner of it. Oab luckily lives at the edge of the town and he has this little extra roof space right in front of his bedroom window making it easy for them to overlook the city._

_'Okay, this is not the time to mock me' Oab chuckles, nudging him softly from the sides._

_'But really though, thank you for making this night remarkable'_

_Oab didn't answer after that, they just basked in each other's presence, slightly snuggling and accepting each other's warmth._

_'Do you think we'd still get a chance like this a couple of years from now?' Oab asks after a couple minutes of playing with Gun's hair, his breath almost too close for Gun to weigh._

_'I think we'll get even better chances than this' Gun smiled, snuggling his head deeper down the nook of Oab's neck, inhaling the scent of the other. He loves this smell, it subtle but appealing, making Oab so much hotter than he already is._

_'How about we make a promise?' Gun looks at Oab with surprised eyes as soon as it finishes its question, he raises an eyebrow urging his boyfriend to carry on._

_'I promise that I will try to be better for each and every day, for you' Oab swears, looking directly into his eyes. Gun smiles back, his dimples showing in the process._

_'Ditto'_

_They both chuckled softly, sealing their promises with a deep kiss._

_This might be a little too far to be Paris, but with Gun's clouded judgement, what's the difference anyways?_

* * *

'Gun, do you want any help into getting his other stuff? I could lend you a hand if you'd like.' Tay suggested, scratching the back of his head, looking at Gun who completely spaced out right after the burial ceremony. 

'Huh?' Gun looks up at Tay, who is now looking at him with those eyes. He has been getting the same look for over two weeks now, it started when Oab's condition started getting critical. The pity everyone's trying to give him is only making things heavier on his side. They would look at him like this, along with the lines, _'What a shame, he's so young’ making_ Gun want to vomit his guts out. 

_God, when will this stop?_

He forced a smile before answering, 'Oh right, that. No thank you, I think I could handle it.' Tay nodded not completely believing what his friend is saying, but for now he could only let him be. 

A few moments have passed between the both of them before Tay spoke again, 'How are you?' Tay asked, sitting down beside him on an empty chair in front of the grave of his former friend, the people from the funeral services hasn't gotten a chance to retrieve these chairs yet, giving Gun another excuse to stay. 

Tay dropped the question Gun has been dreading of for the past couple of hours, making Gun sigh, out of all people he expected Tay to know him better. He expected Tay to know how uncomfortable this is making him.

_Why would they even ask if it's already evident that you are not fine and that you're far from being one._

Do they really expect him to be fine right after this or do they expect him to cry in front of them?

_Bullshit._

Gun wanted to be angry, and hell, maybe if he has enough energy left maybe he will, but today isn't just the day for that. 'I'm okay' He stated for the nth time today, it came out more like a question rather than a statement of assurance.

He looks back at Tay's questioning gaze before continuing, 'Really, I'm fine' He repeated, trying to get across that he really doesn't want to answer any more of these questions. Luckily, Tay dropped the subject leaning back on his seat. 

They let a few minutes of silence engulf them, the heat wave in Thailand making them sweat but no one dares to make a move. 

Gun couldn't get himself to leave, it's too soon to let go of things and accept the way things are from now. He just couldn't fathom as to how he'll start his days from now on with this reality that he is now currently facing. You see, in his mind, everything is normal but also not really. He couldn't put a finger on how it feels and he refuses to believe that this is, in fact, happening right at this moment.

On the back of his mind, there is still a tiny pocket of hope, telling him that once he opens their condo, he will be there. Watching some shitty reality TV show, with his feet on top of the center table like he always does. 

It's completely detaching and unhealthy for Gun to think this way, but he couldn't really stop, and he doesn't really want to. 

'So, are you going to see his lawyer later for his will?' 

'Yeah'

'Do you need any help with that?'

'No Tay, I'm fine. I really am.' 

'Okay, okay, but I'm serious, call me when you need a hand.' Tay said once again, standing up and pressing his down on his shoulder, squeezing. 

* * *

'It is stated here that he wants the both of you to have the rights to all of his belongings. That includes; his bank account, his condo unit, his car, etc. The percentage of how much you two will get and the method of splitting, that will be most convenient for the both you, will be discussed as this meeting progresses.' 

Gun withdrew out of the conversation as soon as they even started, he is now currently sitting on a chair in front of their lawyer, next to him is the guy who interrupted his Eulogy. Apparently, Oab trusted this guy as much as he trusted Gun, which is weird because out of all those seven years he has never heard of someone named Off Jumpol. 

Gun doesn't really want to have any of these stuff, it will only remind him of each second he spent with Oab, and it will only make it harder for him to try and be present here rather than reminiscing his past with the guy. 

'You know what?' Gun interrupted, he knows its rude but to him who is numb at the moment, it's the best option out there. For him, it is ruder to be here when he is not completely present. 

'You can have all of these things, I don't really want it' He continued, looking at the guy beside him, of which he couldn't read the expression of.

'Where do I sign?' He stands up, feeling nauseous as he did every single day since the passing of his partner. 

He wants to get this over with, as soon as possible. 

He wants to make it easier for them, for him, because every moment in here, talking about things that lost its owner feels like gasoline slipping down his throat. He couldn't stand being in here and pretending that this doesn't hurt, like this is just a normal thing to do. 

Like he really is gone. 

If Gun makes all the call, he wouldn't be here in the first place. He would be on top of Oab's roof, looking at the city lights infront of him, holding Oab's hand. 

If things are up to him, he would be back on their mini Paris.


	3. 2: You win, you lose, you sing the blues

As soon as Gun opened the door into their apartment, it took him all he had not to yell Oab's name, just to make sure if the apartment really is empty. He feels crazier by every minute passing by and he doesn't feel guilty at all. 

Every corner of this place was shared by the both of them and now that the place is empty, it's almost deafening by how quiet it got. He couldn't help his mind circling back to Oab. 

_If he was here, he'll probably scold me with all the dishes pilling up in the sink that I don't have enough time nor energy to face, but he'll probably do it himself anyways._

_If he was here, I'm pretty sure, he'll once again try to convince me to watch the show 'How I Met Your Mother' even when I'm clearly a F.R.I.E.N.D.S person, but I know that he'll end up watching it with me anyways, but of course not without complaining the whole time. Comparing and contrasting the both shows to prove a point._

_If he was here, I probably wouldn't be in here snuggling with his sweater on our worn-out sofa, trying to catch my breath as I inhale his old smell._

_If he was here, I won't have to feel so empty anymore._

Gun shook his head, bringing the sweater closer to his face. The smell is too alive in Oab's sweater that it scared Gun for a moment, he knows that it might not be smart for him to do this if he wants to move on or even just simply forget. Actually, maybe he doesn't really want to, forgetting seems like such a heavy word for his fragile heart to carry and no matter what happens, Oab will always be alive in him.

Gun would never be able to replace the reflection of his smiles into Gun's eyes or the way Gun's heart pounds whenever he caresses that soft face with stubble every now and then. 

The rough surface of the sweater, that is turn inside out, tickles his skin. He figured that maybe if he turned it inside out like this, he would get a better access to his smell than when it did when it was on its normal form. He trailed his fingers on to the material, trying to remember the things he should start learning how to forget.

He sighs closing his eyes with Oab's image circling his mind. 

* * *

Gun opens his eyes with his phone ringing on the table besides the sofa. He looks at the time, it's already seven pm, he must have fallen asleep with Oab's sweater on top of him. 

He groaned answering the phone with his groggy voice due to his deep nap, 'Hello?'

'Gun sweetie' He sat right up almost automatically, recognizing the voice right away. It's not that she can see him but he feels wrong lounging around while talking to her.

It's Oab's mom.

'Yes ma,' he answered clearing his voice. After all the years that he has been with Oab, they've reached a point where it's okay for him to call her 'Ma', making Gun even more uncomfortable rather than safe. 

'His Lawyer informed me that you refused to get a share of the stuff he left you with?' She asked but Gun knows that she already knows the answer, her voice sounding normal as ever, almost corporate. Gun wants to know if she even felt sad about her son's death, but he decided to keep his curiosity to himself, for he knows better than to question her.

Oab grew up in a wealthy family, he always got what he wanted since when he was younger, yet he chose to live a separate life when they were about in sophomore year in college, living independently in his condo unit. 

That's one of the things Gun admired so much about him. 

She didn't let Gun think of what to answer next when she sighs, continuing on her rambling, 'I thought you were smarter than this Gun, I mean, to be really upfront about it. Do you think he would want you refusing the things that he worked so hard on? Well for me, don't you think it's more respectful if you just accepted those things and not cause this ruckus? Don't you think that that would've been easier for all us?' 

Gun couldn't answer, he could feel shame creeping on his system as he listens to what she is saying. He feels guilty for some unknown reason. 

'I didn't mean it like that Ma, I just, I thought it would be better to-'

'Just take it Gun, please, sometimes swallowing our pride won't cause us any harm' She commanded without raising her voice but Gun could still feel the weight of her words, and with that she ended the call, leaving Gun thinking of what to do next with her words piercing through his heart.

* * *

'How are you feeling? Are you ready to get back to work?' Gun's supervisor, New, asks him as soon as he saw him walking towards his desk. Gun immediately clasped his hands together turning his head downwards, taking a bow as a sign of greeting to his superior. He works as a search engine evaluator here in G&M telecommunications company for over three years now and these last couple of weeks are the only time he lets loose in this job of his. 

He's a career person and Oab understands that, in fact, he was the one pushing Gun into being better in this than Gun would actually do to himself.

'Yes, I think I can handle it now, Sir' He replied back, subtly fixing his suit from being wrinkled by the greeting he just did. 

'Are you sure? I mean, I could give you more days for you to collect your thoughts and take a breather, if you want' New suggested, shrugging his shoulders. Gun looks up at him and there it is again, that look. That look that makes Gun feels small and vulnerable. 

That look in their eyes is partly the reason as to why he couldn't get himself to cry for days now, he's just here floating around with his thoughts, not being able to express himself freely. 

He forced a smile, a skill he learned to master for more than he probably should, 'Yes Sir, I'm sure' 

'Okay then, I'm glad our best SEOE is back' New commented, squeezing his left shoulder blade before making his way back into his own office. 

It took him almost week after Oab's burial before he got the will to go back to work. Within those days all he ever did is stare at his wall and contemplate on whether he should pack Oab's things into a box or just let them lie there openly mocking him. 

He decided to do the latter, without no rational explanation nor hesitation to do so. 

After a few minutes of re-organizing his things back to his desk, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket before it rang in full volume. 

'Hello?'

'Hi, Is this Gun?'

'Yes, who is this?'

'I don't know if you remember me, but it's me, Off, Off Jumpol.'


	4. 3: Frail State of Mind

'Let's just get this over with, I have to meet a client later today' Gun looks at his watch, it's exactly ten minutes since he met with the guy in front of him and they have just been staring at each other without uttering a word.

The coffee shop that they agreed to meet in, is now packed with people trying to rush into their hectic days, just like Gun's, that is why he's not sure why he's in here winning a staring contest with a man who just happened to be the same person who annoyingly interrupted his Eulogy. 

Gun raises his right eyebrow, sighing. 'What do you need me to do?' 

'I just wanted to ask you, if you're really sure you don't want any share from his property' Off asks, sipping on a warm cup of coffee. He is now leaning back on his chair with his legs crossed.

Is that all this is? That's a lot more irrelevant than what Gun expected. 

'You should have asked that over the phone, don't you think?' He asked, his tone dripping with annoyance.

He has a lot of work to do, clients to meet, and plans to present, it might be hard to admit but this work of his is the only thing he has right now. It eats up all his time and It distracts him from everything, including his frail state of mind. 

He needs to work. 

He needs to be productive.

He needs a reason to think about something else and not the casket of his boyfriend lowering six feet into the ground. 

He shook his head, he couldn't believe this.

Did he really just let a stranger waste his time? Should he leave? He grips his bag, getting ready to stand up and leave when the man spoke. 

'Using work as a distraction ironically won't work, I've tried it' Off stated, looking smug from his seat. 

'What are you saying?' 

'All I'm saying is this,' Off explained pointing at Gun before continuing, 'You look like a zombie trying to get by, don't you need a breather? I'm pretty sure they would understand your situation at work' 

One thing that Gun hates the most, are people assuming what he's feeling even before he even says it, it's probably his biggest pet peeve, especially when coming from a mere stranger like the guy smirking in front of him. 

Off's laid-back statement annoyed Gun, how could he just casually assume things from someone who is not even that comfortable around him? It annoys Gun that this man who tries so hard to relate to him in some way, doesn't have any sign of grief in his stupid face and mostly, it annoys Gun of how the man read him so easily. 

There is no denying that what Off said is the truth, Gun just didn't expect someone to boldly point it out.

'You don't have the rights to assume anything from me' Gun stated, his voice lying flat.

Maybe he should've just ignored that phone call or he should have just refused to meet but one thing led to another and he just founds himself in here, sitting in front of Off jittering. 

When Off didn't reply, Gun took that as an opportunity to continue, 'What do you do anyways?' He asked out of nowhere, referring to the man's work. 

'I'm a rapper.' 

Gun looks at him with disbelief, it's not that he looks down on that profession, it's just that he didn't expect it from the man in front of him who is all suited up. 

'Are you serious? '

Off nodded, making Gun widen his eyes, he couldn't really tell if it was joke or not and he doesn't want to say the wrong things that will offend Off. This is the most peculiar conversation he's had for a long time and oddly the more he gets into it the more things he wants to know from Off. 

_He couldn't imagine Oab being close with someone like this._

_Loose and Carefree._

Off started laughing, looking at Gun's expression. 'I'm kidding by the way, though, that was indeed my childhood dream' Off chuckles, sitting up straight. 

Gun rolls his eyes, 'Prick' he whispered under his breath. Even if he didn't believe it completely, it still annoys him to see this guy, whom apparently Oab trusted as much him, making a joke like nothing happened.

Gun wants to slap the smirk out of Off's face. How insensitive could he get?

Gun was about to lash out on the man sitting in front of him, but all the annoyance in him dissolved when he looks up at Off and for the first time in a short while, he got a look that is far from pity. 

A look that is so normal that Gun wanted to take it in his pockets and leave with it. 

'If you ever change your mind, you know my number, and here's where you could see me' Off slid a card containing of his personal information across the table and towards Gun before getting up and leaving the place without looking back at Gun who's been bamboozled in his seat.

* * *

_'He's coding'_

_Gun heard the Doctor announce from inside of Oab's hospital room. He could feel his palms getting bruised as he buries his nails into it. He bit his lip, trying not to scream what he was feeling from the inside, making his lips numb and almost drawing blood._

_He saw it all unfolding in front of his eyes._

_The Doctors and Medical assistants rushing and giving it their all to somehow try and revive Oab._

_The cords connecting Oab into a lot of machines._

_The defibrillator pumping on his chest. The rising and falling of it almost symbolizing Gun’s shaky breaths._

_Everything and everyone around him are blurry and he knows that tomorrow he wouldn't remember the expression on these people's faces and the things they were trying to say to assure him._

_He looks back into the tiny window, to look into what was happening inside as he saw what he wished he shouldn't have. His pulse quickened as he saw the Doctor look down at his watch declaring the time of death._

_He felt his knees buckle, seeing the white cloth slowly cover the face of the person who promised to be by his side for a very long time._

_For the first time in his life, Gun felt his world crashing around him, like a tunnel during earthquake._

_Closing in and losing light._

* * *

'What made you change your mind?'

Gun looks up at Off staring down at him with an amused expression that he so badly wanted to wipe from the other's face. After two days of being haunted with that memory of Oab and the hospital machines, that was keeping him awake and restless, something inside of him convinced him to give this a try.

Maybe this would help him let go of things, though he doubts it, but right now he can't really think of anything else to help this pain subside.

Unfortunately, he ran out of options. 

'Nothing, I just wanted to see if I left some of my things with his stuff' Gun shrugs, looking down at the floor. He knows it's a lame excuse but he couldn't really come up with anything to pardon him into showing up this late in the evening at Off's address that he took a chance on, upon seeing it on the card it gave. 

'So, you showed up at...' Off took a pause looking at his walk clock right above the door frame '...eight in the evening? In my own apartment? You know his stuff isn't in here, right?' Off chuckles, leaning at the door frame.

God, that's right, this is stupid. What even went into his mind, going in here this late in the day with no proper excuse whatsoever.

Maybe subconsciously he just wanted someone to accompany him, even if that someone is a person whom he just knew a couple of days ago and even if all their encounters revolved into Off annoying him. 

Maybe he just wanted to get rid of the echoes alone. 

But how come out of all people, it's this guy? 

Why Off? 

There is just something in the way he looks at Gun at that day when they met at the coffee shop that made Gun unable to forget his eyes. How come he doesn't look at Gun the way other people looked at him? 

How come there is no trace of pity in his eyes? not even a small bit.

Maybe he has a condition making him unable to trace his own feelings or maybe he's just really good into hiding it, but nonetheless Gun wanted to know. 

'I don't know actually. I'm sorry I shouldn't-' Gun tried to excuse himself, turning around and back to where the elevator is, when Off cuts him off. 

'Do you want to have a bottle of beer?' Off asks, scratching the back of his head.

Gun really wasn't the type of to drink beer with someone he barely knows but the next moment he finds himself sitting on a stool at the kitchen counter inside of the apartment, downing his second bottle of beer across from the Off who's trying to entertain him with stories of him and Oab, when they were a lot younger. 

For Gun this feels like fresh air, talking about the good stuff and not just the fact that he just lost his partner. For a second, he even forgot why he came here in the first place.

'So, why did you two went into your separate ways?' Gun asked when no words seems to fill the air between them. 

It took a minute before Off utter a word, in that in between moment, Gun saw Off's serious expression, which he rarely sees for the short amount of time he met with the guy.

Off's eyebrows are furrowed, his lips pursed, and his thumb sliding on the moist surface of his first beer bottle, he cleared his throat before answering. 

'I don't know, maybe we just grew out of our close bond, having different interests and all' He shrugs, chugging the rest of his beer. 

Gun couldn't stop himself into being more curious because there are some of Off's stories that he wouldn't even expect from Oab. A small hint of doubt crosses his mind, before he decided to down it along with the beer in front of him.


	5. 4: Yeah it takes a bit more than you

**_6 years ago_ **

_'Please don't laugh at me'_

_Gun looks at the cookies he tried to bake sitting on the tray in front of him at the kitchen counter. The cookies look overcooked to say the least and when he tried to cut one in the middle, he figured that the inside is not even near being done. He looks at the cookies with disgust, untying the knot at the back of his apron when he felt arms snaking around his hips._

_'We could have just bought some, you know. I heard the bakeshop down the street sells mean chocolate chip cookies and red velvet muffins' Oab chuckles kissing his shoulder blades that are now exposed due to his shirt slipping off._

_It's Sunday morning and he thought he could do something nice for Oab but it ended up like this. A very messy kitchen counter and a dozen of half burnt half raw cookies. He sighs, trying to scrape one of the cookies out of the tray, completely failing as it crumbles in his touch._

_'Fuck, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, this is supposed to be cute' He explains, looking back at the monstrosity he made with defeat in his eyes. He lifted one up, bringing it to his mouth to taste._

_shit_

_He couldn't help but spit it down the sink, Oab laughing behind him. He looks back at his boyfriend his eyes apologetic from the failed gesture he just attempted. He could feel the heat rushing up his cheeks as he looks down at the ground. He walks closer to Oab when he him picking up one of the cookies, taking bite into it. He gritted his teeth as he saw the other spitting it out just like what he did from earlier._

_'Babe, maybe next time we should really just order some' Oab stated, wiping his own spit from his mouth._

_Gun didn't really know how to cook, he's just not built for this kind of work and he knows it, but he wants to try for Oab. He wanted to do something fun and new; and maybe he would find a new talent of his._

_That, for sure, he didn't._

_'You don't have to make big gestures like this Gun, you have a lot of things you need to do, you can't be wasting your time on this stuff. Plus, I think we can survive on store bought cookies anyways' Oab started, making his way to the sofa. Putting his feet up the table in front of him._

_Maybe Oab is right, what was he even thinking? Trying to bake? Really Gun? Maybe Oab would have appreciated it more if he just ordered some from the bakery._

_He sighs, sitting down besides his boyfriend, resting his head on its shoulder. Oab snakes his arm around him once more, snuggling tighter._

_Gun feels his heart beating faster, almost at the same phase with the man beside him or maybe he's being delusional but he doesn't really care at the moment._

_'I just thought that you might like it, I guess not' Gun shrugs, inhaling the scent of Oab. The subtle smell of peppermint he's got to get used to._

_'I would have appreciated it more if you just focused on your studies, don't you have a presentation the day after tomorrow?' Oab asked, clicking on the remote, trying to find a decent channel to settle to._

_'I do, but I still have a day and a half to finish it'_

_'Gun' Oab sighs, looking down at him. 'You should have just finish it instead of coming in here, didn't you just say that it's a requirement in one of your major subjects?'_

_Gun nodded, 'Yeah, but I can do it tomorrow, I swear. It's not even that hard, our professor just wants us to search for things that will probably end up just taking half an hour to do, I'm not even sure if it's going to be recorded.'_

_Oab shook his head sighing, letting go of the subject._

_Gun looks up at Oab, admiring its serious demeanor._

_He admires this side of Oab, it only proves how serious Oab is to him and their future._

_He leans his head further into Oab's neck, all he could think of right now is the arms tightly wrapped around his waist, the calm breathing, and the scent he oh so badly love._

* * *

'Gun do you have the search engine optimization plan I asked you about?' New asked, dropping by Gun's desk. 

'Yes, I have it right here' Gun answered, raising the folder up so that his boss could see it.

Since college he learned not to procrastinate things, he learned it the hard way but right now there's no doubt that he's using it into his own advantage. It became a habit he couldn't get out of his system, and to be honest he doesn't really want to. 

He hates slacking when it comes to work, it irritates him when piles and piles of workloads are on his desk so he tries really hard to do them as fast as he can with the same efficiency.

He might not always been like this, but now this is a part of him. Sometimes it even represents who he is, generally. 

On the other hand, New wasn't shocked by how fast and efficient Gun is when it comes to his work, he's not even surprised by how good the guy is with concealing his true feelings, but sometimes he just wants Gun to take it easy, not only as Gun's supervisor but also as a friend who cares for the other's wellbeing. New didn't' bother asking Gun to take a break because he already knows the answer he will get, so, he just rested his hands-on Gun's table leaning in to say something. 

'I heard that there will be a dinner later tonight with just us in this department, you want to come?' New shoots his shot, even though it looks like it was blocked even before he even says it.

He understands Gun though, it must have been hard for him to lose someone that close to him but he wants to try and get Gun busy and distracted.

'No thank you, I think I'll just go home early, I have to clean some of his things tomorrow morning anyways so' Gun declined, looking at the words he's currently typing on his computer. 

He wants to finish work as soon as he can.

He wants to be alone with just him and the scent of his ex-boyfriend lingering around objects he doesn't really need. 

New didn't attempt to press him on any longer so he just shrugs his shoulder, giving Gun some taps on the back and a quick 'Okay' before getting back into his office.

Gun took a deep breath, not feeling pumped into what he's about to do tomorrow morning.

* * *

**_6 years ago_ **

_Gun looks at Oab laughing at what they were watching. If you'll ask him this is his favorite view, Oab laughing so hard that he has tears on the side of his eyes. Gun couldn't help but smile at the sight._

_They are watching That 70's show, one of Oab's favorite TV shows. Gun didn't bother asking to switch the channel because he knows better, and for now this is quite enough for him._

_'This is just pure gold' Oab exclaimed._

_To be honest, Gun is now lost, he has no idea what Oab was talking about and he has no interest into finding out, this is just not his type of humor, maybe he would prefer something like The Office or The Big bang theory, but it's fine. This is fine, as long as they get to spend their time together._

_Gun looks back at the television trying to comprehend what was happening, to no avail he just couldn't so he lets it go after a few minutes of trying, leaning back on the sofa behind him._

_Oab paused for a bit sensing something off with Gun, 'Come 'ere' he offered, pulling Gun closer to him._

_Their heat radiating to each other, making Gun hum._

_'You see, Kelso right there is just super dense that he forgot that his girlfriend Jackie-'_

_Oab tried to explain what is happening, pointing out the names of other characters every now and then._

_Gun smiled, nodding his head in the process, trying to understand the show as how Oab explain it._

_Trying to understand Oab more._

* * *

Gun could feel his grip tighten around the remote in his hand, he looks towards the television that held a lot of memories of him and Oab. The laughter they shared together and all the theories they had that were all based on the TV shows they watched. 

'You're taking home the Television?' Off asks at the other corner of the room, searching through the stuff around Oab's condo unit. 

'No, I was just looking at it. You can have it if you want' He shrugs moving onto that corner of the room where they kept all the unfilled boxes. 

There was a moment of silence between him and Off before the latter spoke, 'If you don't mind me asking, why didn't you guys just shared one apartment or this condo after being together for what? seven years?'

'What can I do, you already asked' Gun rolled his eyes but he answered him anyways, 'Oab always wanted a space for his own, that's one of the reasons why he moved out of his parents' place in the first place and I respect that, I kinda think it's essential to have somewhere to be called your own too' 

Off nodded but not completely agreeing with what he was saying, 'But isn't that a little too distant for a couple who went through all those years together?' Off continued not thinking too much of his question. 

'I don't know, I guess we just weren't ready for that kind of commitment yet at that time'

'He hasn't changed at all' Off said under his breath, a little too loud for Gun to still hear. 

Gun didn't want to press this topic any longer, so he decided to just ignore Off's remark. He looks around for another time, sorting out the things that he might actually use and those bearing memories he can't look at for any longer. 


	6. 5: Now you just look like anyone

‘You know what? I’m hungry, want to grab something to eat before you go?’

Gun looks back after putting the last box full of stuff in his trunk. They just finished clearing out some of Oab’s things making Gun feel emptier than ever.

‘I don’t know about that, I have to go to work so I better get back’ he tried to excuse himself but Off insisted.

‘What? You’re not allowed to have lunch? Come on, I know this place right at the corner of this street, they offer great brunch buffet’ Off raises his eyebrow at him.

Now that he thinks about it, brunch sounds harmless and he should probably grab some food now knowing that he’ll spend the next few hours burying himself in paperwork.

‘Sure’

Off titled his head towards the direction of the place he was talking about before starting his way towards it.

The wind carries dead leaves around them as they submerge themselves into a peaceful silence where all they could really hear is the sound of the vehicles passing by and a distant busted engine.

At every moment passing by, Gun struggles more and more into trying to keep up with Off’s phase, unconsciously he started trying to widen his steps, a moment later almost hoping his way to match Off’s.

Off looks back at him, laughing as he sees Gun struggle, springing from the concrete ground just to keep up with him.

‘You could’ve just asked me to slow down’ Off chuckles, earning an eye roll from Gun.

Gun didn’t even notice what he was doing if Off didn’t mention it. For Gun, this is almost like an instinct, adapting to other people’s phase, needs, and time. He got so used to adjusting for other people that he always forgets to think of his own thus, making him uncomfortable to ask if he’s the one who needs a little assistance.

He notices the evident change in Off strides, slowing down and waiting for him.

Another moment passes by without any of them uttering a word, Gun gather up some courage into asking Off.

Now that he’s here with this man for a couple of times now, he realizes that he doesn’t really know anything about Off and Off already knows a couple of things about him.

He cleared his throat, ‘How do you guys became friends?’ He asked, looking at the cracks on the ground that they are passing by.

He’s not sure if this is okay to ask as the first question he ever asked Off, or if this is going to be helpful to him but he couldn’t help his mouth from asking.

This might not be healthy but now he’s more curious than ever.

‘How should I even start to describe him?’ Off started, opening the door of the buffet place he was talking about from earlier.

The smell of the variety of food invades Gun’s sense of smell as they take a step in. The place is a little crowded but not to the point where it’s suffocating. Gun felt his stomach rumble as his eyes wander towards the buffet table, he wasn’t even aware that he was this hungry until he saw the chicken and waffles that he’ll make sure to get his hands on later.

They both went in towards the counter to pay for their own separate meals before choosing a table to settle into, as soon as they sat down Off continued with his story about his late friend while waiting for the meal stub, they are required to have to be able to get some food.

‘Well, we were neighbors and at first we don’t really get along, given that we were kids and all but one day we just happened to spend more time with each other and to be honest I don’t really remember how and when that started’ Off said playing with the table napkins with his fingers.

When Gun didn’t answer he took it as a sign to continue,

‘If I could describe him, I think since then he has always been a very responsible kid, in contrast with me who was a rascal from deep inside my core’ He chuckles, memories from his childhood rushing back at him.

Gun nodded. That sounds like Oab.

Responsible

Always in control

Almost perfect

‘I remember this one time, where I begged him to go to this party with me and things went out of hand really quick that somebody called the cops and-’

Gun spaces out, looking at the man in front of him. Something feels familiar, maybe its their shared bond with Oab that now lies as memories, or maybe he just wants an excuse to stare at Off and observe.

That, he couldn’t figure out himself.

‘Earth to Gun’ Off stated, snapping his fingers in front of Gun’s distant gaze.

Gun shook his head, looking back at Off.

‘As I was saying, the stubs are here, we can get food now’ Off waves the food stubs high enough so that Gun could see it. Gun didn’t even notice when the server gave it, he nods his head at Off.

‘Oh okay, let’s go get some food’ Gun stands up making his way towards the table where the plates and utensils are, grabbing some for Off too, before passing it to the guy.

He moved towards line, ignoring everything in it and going straight towards his prior target which is the chicken and waffles, almost gone but there’s still more than enough left for him.

He grabbed a couple of pieces before making his way back to their table, waiting for Off.

‘That’s all you’re going to get?’ Off asked as soon as he sits down in front of Gun.

Gun nodded, starting to munch on the food in front of him.

‘Are you sure? I mean, we’re at a buffet for a reason might as well get our money’s worth’ Off tilted his head, motioning towards the pile of food on his plate.

Gun chuckles, looking at Off’s plate with amusement.

‘I’m sure’ He stated plainly as he poured some syrup on his waffles.

Off is right, this place really is decent.

He looks up as he heard Off moaning, only to see the other guy rolling his eyes back.

‘God, I love this’ Off groans taking a mouthful of spaghetti in his mouth, one of the things he picked from the parade of food.

‘You know what goes perfect with this? It’s when you take a huge bite like this’ Off said, demonstrating before continuing, ‘And bite into a block off cheese, that’s a whole experience right there’

Gun momentarily closes his eyes before looking down at his own food.

_Huh_

* * *

**_6 years ago_ **

_‘You know how to get the whole pasta experience? It’s when you take a huge bite of the pasta and bite into a block of cheese right after, you’re welcome.’_

_Gun looks at Oab with amused eyes, as he sees a side of his boyfriend he has never seen before._

_Oab unhinged and carefree._

_He laughs pointing at the corner of his mouth, indicating that there is something on Oab’s face. Oab wiped it right away, laughing at himself._

_‘Come on try it’ Oab encourages, sliding the cheese in front of Gun._

_Without a second thought Gun shook his head, he’s not really the type to experiment with his methods of eating. He likes to stay conventional and easy about it._

_Oab on the other hand likes to try new things when it comes to food, making Gun think of him as someone new and peculiar in some way._

_He is one of a kind._

_Or at least for Gun he was._

* * *

‘Gun you can go home early today, you’ve finish almost everything I asked you to do, now I’m asking you to please go home and take some rest’ New sighs, looking over at Gun sitting on his desk as he always does.

New couldn’t stand this any longer. He couldn’t let Gun make excuses out of his overtime at work, he’s worried that Gun might experience a terrible burn out any time soon and that’s the least Gun should be worried about now.

‘New it’s okay, I want to start with this anyways’

‘Gun, that’s an order from your supervisor’ New challenged, raising his eyebrow at Gun, pulling out the supervisor card.

Gun sighs, looking up at his so-called supervisor. ‘Aren’t you supposed to be glad that I’m very diligent to my work? That’s one thing why you hired me in here in the first place’

‘There’s a thin line between being diligent and just plain stupid Gun’

‘Alright, fine. I’m off’ He sighs, standing up from his seat and saying his last goodbyes to his co-workers.

The cold air from the outside brushes up his skin as soon as he takes a step outside, his feet dragging him somewhere.

He doesn’t really want to go home yet, he doesn’t want to be alone with his thoughts right now on his own apartment. He’s really tired from work but he knows that the moment his back hits the mattress of his bed, he would end up lying there, wide awake, until the sun comes up. So, he decided to take a little detour before going back home.

After a couple of blocks, he ends up exactly where he shouldn’t. He searches his bag for the keys, before going inside the building.

He really shouldn’t be visiting Oab’s condo unit as casually like this, but here is as he found himself pressing buttons on the elevator. His feet dragging him towards the door of the place he memorized through time.

The place is almost empty after the packing him and Off did a day and a half ago, but some things like the sofa and the refrigerator are still here. Too large for them to carry so they didn’t bother taking it out for now.

He lets himself fall onto the sofa, sighing as he brushes his hair away from his forehead. This has been such a long day,

A long week,

A long fucking year.

Gun doesn’t know why but after the burial he couldn’t really get a reaction out of himself, the last time he remembers himself shedding tears and showing genuine emotions was when he was writing the eulogy he was about to say the next morning, after that, everything just feels like a huge clump of moments passing by him.

He closes his eyes, thinking of that moment of Off at the buffet.

At first, he wasn’t really sure of what made Oab befriend a guy like Off for they look so different from one another, but maybe he was wrong.

Maybe Oab and Off have a lot more things in common than what he thought.

Maybe that’s is why they were friends in the first place.

_Maybe Oab wasn’t as one of a kind as Gun thought he was._

He dismisses the thought feeling the familiar feel of slumber rushing over his system when he heard someone shuffle the door knob.

He sat up, adrenaline overtaking his system. He looks for the nearest object he could bash the person with just in case, the person would try to kill him.

Like, who in their right minds would even try to get in this place at this time of the day?

Except for him, of course.

He grabbed the most convenient object near him, which is a vase of dead flowers, sneaking his way towards the back of the door frame so when the other person opens the door, he’ll have the advantage of attacking first.

He could feel his heartbeat quicken when the door creaks open. The silhouette of a man presented itself in his line of vision making him scream, raising the vase on a height where he could slam it on the man’s head before he felt strong grips on his wrist, stopping him from doing so.

‘What the fuck?’ Off exclaimed turning the lights on with his other hand.

Gun sighs as soon as he sees the familiar face of the man in front of him before he asks, ‘What the fuck are you doing in here?’

‘What about you? What the fuck are you doing in here at this hour?’

Off chuckles, pulling Gun’s hand with the vase down.

‘Were you planning on smashing that on my head?’ Off widened his eyes, faking fear.

Gun rolls his eyes at him setting the vase down back to where it belongs before making his way back to the sofa.

‘But seriously, why are you here?’ Off asks, sitting down on the mini sofa in front of where Gun is laying at.

‘I just don’t want to be alone on my own apartment’

‘As if you’re not alone in here’ Off suggested, raising his knees up on the chair.

‘What about we get some beer eh?’ Off asks, standing up once again, not even giving himself a chance to get settled on his seat.

That is not a bad idea, gun stood up getting his wallet and following Off back out of the apartment.


	7. 6: Sincerity is scary

‘So, how you holding up?’ Off asked the moment that they got back in Oab’s condo unit making Gun groan.

Not this again.

Here he is thinking that Off is different but it turns out he’s just like any person in his life right now. He walks towards the kitchen searching for something to open the bottles of beer that they bought from the nearest convenient store. Luckily, they really haven’t move much of Oab’s things, just those which they think are more significant than the other, he picks up an old and rusty bottle opener before making his way back in the living room. Sitting down and crossing his legs in front of the taller lad.

‘Really? You too?’ He reaches out towards one of the bottles in front of him, opening it up before offering it to Off who gladly took it.

‘What?’ Off took a sip of his beer, looking at Gun, observing the details of its face which is kinda making Gun self-conscious.

‘I don’t know, I guess I’ve had it with that particular question’ He rolled his eyes taking a swig from his drink. He looks back at Off leaning comfortably with both of arms settled on the floor. When he didn’t reply Gun sighs continuing with his rant.

‘It’s just annoying you know? It’s always these questions and these statements, _Gun are you okay? How are you? Do you need some help? How are you holding up? You’ll find someone better._ ’ He explained using different voices on each one, making Off chuckle from his side of the room.

‘Like that would make me feel better. Like that would help me move on from this. Like that would bring him back ’ Gun suddenly spilled out, the last one a faint whisper, with not really knowing why, he hasn’t even drank half of a bottle yet here he is, being as bare and as honest as he could in front of a mere acquaintance.

‘Well if it makes you feel better, I didn’t mean it like that,’ Off said looking up at the ceiling for a moment, thinking of his reason on why he asked that question in the first place when he knew how annoying it could be. ‘Okay fine, I can’t really think of any other reason as to why I asked that, but I don’t want to get it across like that’

Gun rolled his eyes, raising his eyebrow at Off who is now raising his hands in surrender, earning a chuckle from the both of them, ‘I swear if I hear that question one more time’ Gun joked attempting a threatening voice and completely failing.

‘It just… I guess, it just hasn’t sink in fully, you know?’ Gun stated, surprising the both of them. After everything that has happened this is the first Gun tried to fully discuss this out in the open.

It scares him.

This vulnerable state that he’s in, scares him. He feels like a naked chicken trying to cross the road. He’s not sure if telling Off about all of this is a good idea, when Off is not even someone close to Gun, and he’s most definitely not a therapist. There is a shadow of guilt rushing through Gun because he didn’t really want to burden anyone with this. They all have some baggage they all have to carry, he knows that and he doesn’t want to add on to that, but as he looks up at Off, there is no sign of annoyance, no sign of confusion, no sign of pity, or even a sign that tells that he really doesn’t want to hear about this.

He’s just there.

Sitting in front of Gun, drinking comfortably and listening. At some areas, this is exactly what Gun needs. A person who will look at him like how he’d look at anyone else, someone who won’t look at him like he has a weak heart.

Because he doesn’t.

‘I’m not used to this’ Gun pointed out, reaching for the _Satay_ they bought earlier and taking a bite out of it, ‘I’m not very good at handling grief’

‘I don’t think there’s a certain way on how we should handle our loses’

‘But everyone expects us to’

Off nodded, taking one of the Satay left in front of them. It feels like they’re finishing each other’s sentences but Gun doesn’t seem to mind. Not at all. It’s comforting to say the least. Sharing the same sentiments with another person.

‘You take all the time you want, really, because the feeling of losing someone so close to our hearts doesn’t really go away. Somehow it will only morph itself unto us. Embedding its way into our systems, like an uninvited guest and it’s okay to entertain it like any other guests but you can also kick it out when the time comes’ Off shrugs.

‘Whoa you’re so deep’ Gun rolls his eyes jokingly, trying to mask the realization he has in mind. He’s acting this way because he’s not used to this, he’s not used to someone checking up on him so casually, he’s not used to being the one who’s receiving advice because he got pretty used to being on the other end of the bargain.

‘Fuck off, I’m quite the poet, thank you very much’ Off boasted laughing at himself, understanding that Gun might not know how to react with what he just said.

A couple of beers and empty chuckles later and they are both sprawled out on the floor, not drunk, just right in the middle where everything is light and easy.

‘Oab, I’m sorry for using your condo to drink man, we promise to clean up afterwards’ Off exclaimed, raising his arms up to motion to whoever he is talking to.

‘This is so stupid’ Gun laughed, ‘Here we are downing beers in a dead person’s condo unit’

Off looks at Gun with shock evident on his face, ‘How can you do that?’ He asks.

‘Do what?’

‘Be casual like this? I mean don’t get me wrong, that’s good but it just surprises me on how in the earth do you make it look so easy’

‘Do I?’ Gun asked scooting to his side, looking at Off.

‘Yes’

‘I don’t know’ Gun shrugs as Off scoots sideways too, facing him. ‘beats me’

‘Gun, you know you can let go of that fear of vulnerability. Even for just tonight, you can let go Gun’ Off looks straight into his eyes, not knowing if this okay for him to say to someone who just lost their love one. He’s not even sure how he got the courage to say it out loud and on where got that from but he did anyways

Maybe it’s the beer? Though, he doubts it, seeing that he has a very high alcohol tolerance.

Or the emotion behind Gun’s eyes that he can clearly read. No matter how hard Gun tries to hide it, Off can see right through him.

Behind Gun’s warm gaze is a void that has been eating him up.

‘I’m just saying, your emotions are valid, no matter what is’

Gun felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up, he doesn’t really think of it that way, like he’s invalidating his own feelings but now that he thinks about it, it pulls him towards a hole he often avoided.

After all this time Gun never really understands the feeling of being understood. He feels light listening at someone who’s willing to decipher him. He racks his brain for the last time he felt this way, he couldn’t really remember anything so he chose to ignore it.

And after all this time sincerity doesn’t look too scary, heck, vulnerability even looks inviting.

He doesn’t really know what to say to Off after hearing that, he just found himself lying on the floor, a bottle of beers away from Off with tears running down the side of his face.

* * *

**_4 years ago_ **

_‘I told you not to wait on me, Gun’ Oab clicks his tongue, scratching the back of his head._

_‘Well I finished with my report late anyways so I might as well drop by here’ he looks down at the ground. He knows how busy Oab is with his thesis now that they’re at their last semester in college. He thought that it’s a good idea to drop by the café outside of their university and get Oab a cup of coffee before he visits him, but he unfortunately bumped into someone making the first cup of coffee spill on his shirt making him go back to the café and order another one, it took him longer than just a casual visit._

_‘Look at you, you troubled yourself even more’ Oab pointed at his stained shirt. The moment Oab shook his head Gun figured that this might not be a great time to pay him a visit, seeing that Oab is stressed with all of his school requirements._

_Maybe Gun should have just went home, because this isn’t helping at all, in fact he may have burdened Oab more._

_With that in mind, Gun could feel tears threatening to form at the side of his eyes as he looks down at the ground._

_‘Gun, I can’t deal with this right now’ Oab sighs, pulling him in an embrace, ‘Look, I’m sorry alright? But I really have a lot of things to do and I can’t deal with this’ Oab apologizes, making Gun look up at him._

_‘I’m sorry I didn’t think that I would bother you this much’ Gun pouted, earning another sigh from Oab._

_‘It’s okay it’s just that you know how stressful things get in here, don’t you think it would be better if you just went home like I told you to? Maybe you wouldn’t be crying if you did’ Oab half joked, trying to put his point across._

_Gun nodded, wiping his tears away before handing Oab the drink he just bought and bidding his farewell._

* * *

‘I’m sorry, I really don’t want to get this emotional’ Gun wiped his tears, trying to force a laugh but it just ended up sounding like an even loud sob.

‘Why are you sorry?’ Off asked, making Gun swallow the lump forming in his throat.

‘I just don’t want to drag people into my own business’ He explained as Off snorts back.

‘I’m the one who told you to let go earlier, remember? I should be the one saying sorry.’

Gun didn’t reply, he just inhaled as much oxygen as he can. He feels lighter than he ever was and it’s new and refreshing at some point.

A couple of second pass by them without uttering a word, with just Gun’s sniffles bouncing at the four corners of the room.

‘This is good’

‘Good as in good?’

‘Good as in good.’

* * *

‘Gun can I have your presentation on my desk tomorrow at 8 am sharp?’ New asks as soon as Gun walked into his office to deliver another set of papers.

‘Actually, do you want it now?’ Gun asked, pointing towards the direction of his desk right outside of New’s office. New makes a face of disgust towards him before shaking his head.

‘The level of urgency as you just said that, disgusts me’ New stated bluntly, making Gun roll his eyes at his boss. New has always been straight forward and easy going and Gun like that about him, both of them even spends time together outside of work whenever they have the chance and before all of this happened.

‘You hired me with that same reason’

‘Well now it’s getting on my nerves’ New jokes, spinning around on his chair. Gun chuckles seeing how New doesn’t look like someone who’s leading them on most of their projects at all.

‘Is this all you’ve wanted me to do?’ He raises his eyebrows asking if he could go back into his cube now.

‘Yeah yeah whatever’ New waves his hand dismissing him.

‘You know you don’t look so professional doing that’ He widened his eyes, his tone dripping with sarcasm as he teases New.

‘Does it look like I give a-’ New’s statement was cut off by someone knocking on the door, a petite looking girl walking in.

‘Sir, Mr. Chansook would like to see you now’ She said before exiting right after.

New groans like a kid forced to go to school, standing up from his seat and patting down his suit before straightening out his tie.

‘That’s it for me’ He said walking towards the door and past Gun. He stops walking as he grips the doorknob, looking back at Gun.

‘Oh, and by the way, I heard that a huge share of the company is getting turned over to the CEO’s son, so we might meet him any time soon. I hope he’s not the fucking devil like his father’ New spat, looking at the surveillance right above them.

‘Wait, those don’t have microphones, right?’ he asks, looking at it suspiciously.

‘If they do, then they probably would have fired you five years ago’

‘Fair point’ New nodded to himself before making his way out, leaving Gun alone in his office.

New isn’t like this to everyone obviously, him and Gun just formed this bond over a couple of years of being co-workers or even friends if you would want to call it that.

* * *

Gun embraces his small figure as he walks outside of their company building making his way towards his car, it’s been almost three weeks after he cried in front of Off and now, they don’t really have a reason to meet each other anymore, they run out of excuses to drink beer together and lay down on the hard-tiled floors of Oab’s condo unit.

Maybe this is for the better, after that night nothing really changed that much into what he was feeling. He still feels like shit and he would still trade anything in his life for a time machine to go back to six years ago.

Oab is still gone.

He sighs, feeling the familiar pull in his stomach that he’s gotten quite used to now as he started driving. Every day for him since he lost Oab is just a cycle of waking up, feeling like shit, and going back to bed and forcing his eyes shut, just to repeat all of it tomorrow. It’s getting tiring but he couldn’t move past it.

Is it even possible to move on from that? Is he supposed to just forget, just like that?

Gun knows that it takes time, and like what everybody is saying maybe he’ll be able to pull himself out of this in years’ time but even thinking about that feels wrong to him.

He loved Oab.

He loves Oab.

So how will you even convince yourself to forget about the person that took up a whole part of you, even if you say years will come and go.

What Off told him that night helped, it really did, because of that he decided to start learning how to let go and sometimes express what he was feeling, but at the end of the day he still finds himself burying his face in Oab’s old sweaters, reliving what they have.

Gun is still hurting and each and everyday he is forced to move past it like it’s just a scratch he got from riding a bike, though, he is now at the stage where he can hide it better, maybe at about ten percent better but the sour taste lingering on his guts is still the same, even stronger than before, if that’s even possible.

He stopped at a red light, unconsciously looking towards his left. Every part of the city looks and feels owned by him and Oab.

Every nook and cranny hold a fragment of memory, that he thought he forgot already. It’s funny how a couple of months ago he wouldn’t even give a simple-looking park a second glance, like the one on his left, but now it took him all he has to not to get out of his car and visit it.

In fact, the ordinary park which holds a couple of rusty benches and an old playground looks more appealing than when it was a couple of months ago.

He shakes his head before stepping on the pedals and driving off.

* * *

**_6 and a half years ago_ **

_‘Gun wait up!’ Oab laughed running after him._

_‘Our fucking kite will be caught up in the trees if I don’t run’ He whined. This weather really is not for flying kites. It’s been fifteen minutes since they started maneuvering it but to no extent the wind just got stronger and stronger._

_He tugs on the kite harshly as he gets even more frustrated, Oab laughing at him from behind. He looks back, shooting Oab a glare before speaking, ‘We paid hard money on this, we might as well burn that money out’ He grits his teeth, for college sophomores every penny counts and Gun has had it with this. They should have bought food or something._

_‘To be fair it was a little pricy’ Oab chuckles._

_‘Oh, you just thought of that now? After convincing me into buying this?’ He widened his eyes at his boyfriend, having it raise his hands up in surrender._

_‘Come on, its not that bad.’ Oab tries to excuse their impulsive purchase, tugging on the string when the kite fled into the direction of trees once again._

_‘Come on, it’s not that bad.’ Gun repeated, mocking the guy besides him who is now also tugging on the same string as him, making their fingers touch gently. Oab lets go of the string to ruffle Gun hair, they have only been dating for almost a year now and they are still on that honeymoon stage where they think everything the other do is cute._

_‘You’re so cute when you pout like that’ Oab stated out of the moment that they are in, making Gun smile back at him with his dimples showing, completely forgetting about his dilemma from a couple of minutes ago._

_Gun was about to turn his attention back up towards their kite when he heard Oab utter those words at him._

_‘I love you’_

_He looks back at Oab’s wide eyes. From the looks of it, Oab didn’t plan on dropping the bomb just yet but it might have slipped._

_Gun didn’t know what to say as he feels his cheeks burning up and knees trembling. He didn’t care when he felt his hand loosening up from its hold on the string, letting their kite go._

_‘Oh no Gun our kite!’_

_Gun didn’t even bother to look back towards where their kite will fly to as tiptoed against the man beside him, pressing his lips from the other._

_He’s mind is a blur and this feels like the best option._

_He couldn’t think of a much better first time._


	8. 7: Doing controversial things just for the hell of it

'P' you have to go' 

'Why don't you go then? You're his son too.'

'Well first of all you're older than me and in case you forgot you're the "legitimate" child’ Jaylerr pressed on, using air quotes on the word legitimate making Off roll his eyes at him. 

'I don't want his money' Off sighs, keeping his eyes on the ball going back and forth between him and his “step” brother. Off doesn’t like it when Jay uses this “illegitimate child” card with him, like they haven’t treated each other like real brothers all this time.

‘Well that’s just stupid, P’ this is our chance to milk some of his money, I think we deserve it’ Jaylerr bluntly said earning a chuckle from the both of them.

‘That is why I’m asking you, why don’t you just steal it from me like a good ol’ step brother, like what they do in movies or something?’ Off confronted with sarcasm dripping from every word that escapes his mouth.

‘Because I know you love me and I know you would buy me the things that I want anyways so might as well make you carry all the stress and pressure from it’ Jaylerr laughs winking at his older brother.

‘Fuck you’ Off chuckles hitting the tennis ball as hard as he can towards the direction of Jaylerr, which the latter skillfully dodge, sticking his tongue out to Off.

Off laughs, wiping the sweat dripping from his forehead down to his face with his towel before making his way back to the bench to grab his drink.

‘Why would he even want to turn over his company this early? I mean, he’s not dying or anything’ Jaylerr asks as soon as he reached the side of his P’, grabbing a water bottle for himself before gulping down its content. 

‘That’s what I was thinking. I think he’s just sick and tired of it to be honest’

‘Sick and tired of what? Sick and tired of money?’ Jay raises his eyebrow. Off didn’t reply he just taps his brother’s shoulder squeezing it before taking a seat at one of the lower benches. Looking at the tennis court in front of him which him and Jay usually go to whenever they’re stressed out, who would have thought that one announcement from their father’s company and here they are hitting balls to release the pressure they are about to feel even before they even feel it.

Jaylerr sighs sitting next to Off, this time it’s his turn to give Off a reassuring tap

‘What about we give him something to stress about first?’ Jaylerr suggested wiggling his eyebrows at his older brother who is now looking at him confused.

‘I don’t know what you’re about to do but I’m scared’ Off laughs looking down at the ground, he shook his head the moment he hears his younger brother chuckle beside him.

* * *

‘Good afternoon I’m Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn’

Gun looks up at the man speaking in front of them looking cocky while flashing them a mischievous grin, he didn’t know that Off’s name was generic but now he thinks it is, as a man who kind of looks like Off but he for sure knows it’s not Off is now introducing himself at all of the staff from the SEO department.

‘I didn’t expect him to be this young’ New whispers from Gun’s left side, earning a nod from Gun. He looks at the man once again, he doesn’t look like the typical guy who’d want to be tied to a job like this. He looks young and carefree, but Gun decided not to give much into it since CEO’s these days are trained from a young age.

‘What do you guys want for lunch?’ The guys suddenly ask, catching all of them by surprise. ‘Come on, it’s on me’ He beams, looking at each and every one of them.

When none of them spoke a word nor suggested, this other Off sighs, rolling his eyes, ‘Okay fine, how about some pizza?’

‘Pizza sounds great’ New agreed from Gun’s side taking the initiative to speak for their whole department to lessen the awkward air.

Guess everyone didn’t expect this, seeing that none of them have the courage to speak or asks questions.

‘Okay, let’s order some for all. Are you guys sure that that’s all?’ He nods when everyone seems fine with it before turning around and walking towards the elevator.

‘Oh, before I forgot, I was tasked to give you all some bonuses as well so you can check that in your accounts later today’ He winks before walking inside the elevator.

‘What the hell? I guess there’s no harm in liking our new boss’ New inferred before waving every back to work.

‘Yeah I guess so’ Gun shrugs getting back to his usual day with the thought of Off, the other Off, running through his mind.

* * *

‘What the fuck did you do?’ Off asks from his side of the line, hearing Jaylerr laugh like maniac. He rolled his eyes. His brother really doesn’t know when to stop annoying their dad. After coming into the conclusion that he doesn’t have any other choice but to take over the company, Jaylerr suggested that they should probably have some fun with it first.

‘What? I just gave those people the bonuses they deserve and a great lunch that’s all’

‘Do you have any idea how many employees there is in that company?’ Off chuckles, imagining how shocked the people were, I mean, who the fuck gives a bonus in March. But that’s Jaylerr and he’ll do anything just to get into their dad’s nerves.

‘Oh, boo hoo, it wouldn’t even dent what he has left so let’s at least put it in good use. Those people probably need it more than him anyway and they’re the ones busting their asses off’

‘I just don’t want to see you both trying to kill each other after this’

‘What’s he gonna do? Throw me out of the house? Well, guess what? He already did’ Off brush the hair away from his eyes as he senses a wave of bitterness coming from his brother’s line, Jaylerr has always has been a great brother to him but a reckless son to their father.

At the age eighteen, Jaylerr already got thrown out of their house and was forced to live with one of his friends, sharing a small apartment with two bedrooms. Off has always admired how strong and independent his brother was, he didn’t think he could handle that if it was him who has to do that at a young age.

‘Fine, I’ll deal with him but don’t do shit like that again or I’m the one who’ll smack you in the head’ Off warns before they ended the call, maybe letting Jaylerr do this kind of shit is a very bad idea but it’s fun to watch their dad getting pissed once in a while.

* * *

Gun stayed late at the office to finish the things he can still do, since it looks like he did everything he could possibly can just to avoid being alone with his own thoughts. New is now long gone along with his other workmates but that didn’t stop him from taking over time and exhausting himself with the now non-existent pile of work.

He looks at the pile of finished papers on his desk, checking if he missed anything, when he was sure he finished everything he sighs, standing up and getting his coat before making his way towards the elevator. It’s pretty late at night so he expected it when some of the lights down the hallway is already turned off, making the place dim.

He was about to turn the corner down the hall when he hears faint whispers that is loud enough to echo down the hallway, ‘You’re so stupid, do you know how much damage you cost us?’ A stern manly voice said.

‘Damage? Is that what you call your employees benefits?’ Another one said, a little too cocky for the topic on hand. Gun decided to just stay at where he is, not wanting to cause more trouble to the people evidently arguing.

‘I didn’t mean it like that and you know it, damn, I’m a business man Jay, not a fucking charity’

‘Is this why you asked me to stay this late? Because I don’t see any point in this’ By the tone of his voice Gun could already imagine the guy rolling his eyes, maybe he should have gone home with New and the others. This is awkward and he’s not even in the conversation itself, he’s just a bystander.

‘The point Jay, is that I lost a couple thousands because of your cry for attention. This, is why I chose your brother for this position.’

‘Okay fine, it’s my fault, it’s all my fault’

‘Jay wait, I didn’t mean it like that!’ The former called before Gun heard heavy footsteps towards his direction, he turns around thinking that now is probably the best time to retreat but when he saw a shadow looming over him is when he knew it was too late. He turns his head when he heard someone clear their throat behind him.

He smiles sheepishly when he saw the other Off looking at him with raised eyebrows, ‘Did you enjoy the show?’

‘I- I’m sorry I was just about to-’

‘Care for a walk?’

* * *

Gun knows exactly why he agreed, this seems like the perfect excuse to not go home and be alone. He hugs his figure tighter as the night breeze passed by the both of them who are now sitting down by the bay near their office. It feels weird to sit down, cans of beers in hand, the wave from the water hitting the pavement, with his “boss” which basing from what he heard from earlier is not really his boss but the brother? Gun is confused with everything but he doesn’t mind the company of a complete stranger, in fact, he seems to enjoy it these past couple of days.

‘So, as you have heard, I am not your boss it was supposed to be my brother’ The guy sitting beside him cleared his throat, ‘I’m Jaylerr by the way’ he corrected, stretching out his hand for Gun to shake.

Gun nodded before shaking it, ‘I’m Gun, Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat. I work in the SEO department’ He smiled kindly at the man, Jaylerr. He doesn’t get a mean vibe from Jaylerr like what he expected when he saw it from earlier today. Maybe it’s because of the piercings or the dark aura, but now seeing him smile warmly for the first time makes Gun conclude that he’s harmless, well at least for Gun. A couple of minutes passes by them as they just stare at the water in front of them, inhaling the breeze and letting other people walk by when Jaylerr decided to break the silence.

‘I only did that because I’m sick of him worshiping money and this company of his while losing his humanity in the process, you know?’ Jaylerr asks rhetorically, taking a swig from the drink in his hand. Gun didn’t reply he just lets the other vent out his frustration.

It feels good not being the one on the other end for once, after the passing of Oab everyone just assumes that he couldn’t handle it when they vent out to him. Maybe he couldn’t but how would they know if they would just assume it like he’s a weak child unable to handle the things life throws at him.

‘Maybe I am the trash child who’s up to no good’

‘I don’t think you’re trash, I just think that the world just has it’s way of making us feel trash once in a while’

‘No, I am actually, since when we were young my brother and his childhood best friend which whom I treated as an older brother too has always been the golden child of both of our parents and for a moment, I even tried copying them just to feel accepted, but I think it’s not really for me.’ He looks at Gun, and for a quick second Gun saw a child who’s longing for someone to take care him, but he made sure not to make it obvious.

People doesn’t like the feeling of pity, Gun has established that now.

Jaylerr stopped midway into drinking when he suddenly remembers something, ‘Don’t get me wrong I love my brother, it’s just that maybe my dad should have stopped having children after him’

‘Don’t say that, I’m sure you just misunderstood your situation. Someone out there would be lucky to have you and your great company’ Gun said, maybe it’s too awkward to say something like this to someone he just met but who cares anyway?

Jaylerr chuckles from besides him, ‘You sound like my P’’ he said honestly earning a smile from Gun.

‘Actually, I think my brother would really like you, he used to like someone just like you but I don’t know what happened after that’

Gun forced a laugh not having the energy to protest or explain his situation, but the last thing he wants right now is romance and cliché love stories.

He sighs looking back at the body water and letting the night pass by them like a short story he would forget after time passes by.


	9. 8: You look so beautiful yet so unaware of it

‘So how was it going with Gun?’ Arm asks, looking at his friend before munching on the food in front of him.

‘After clearing out some of his old stuff, I don’t really have anything to do with Gun anymore.’ Off sighs, piercing a piece of meat with his fork. He doesn’t really get why he has to go through this with Arm once again when they went over this for a millionth time already.

‘You haven’t told him yet? You’re telling me that you met with Gun a couple of times now and you haven’t told him anything yet?’ Arm raises one of his eyebrows at his smartest friend who is also the dumbest when it comes to this stuff.

‘What is there to tell? He just lost Oab, am I supposed to just swoop and bother his world when he looks like he’s not planning on moving on just yet?’ Off sighs, suddenly the stake doesn’t taste as good as he thought it would be.

‘Okay,’ Arm started pointing his fork at Off before he continues, ‘I’m not saying you should just go in there and propose or whatever the fuck you’re getting all so defensive about, all I’m saying is you should at least give it a try. You’ve waited, Off. You’ve waited so damn long and now you’re chickening out?’

‘I waited for them to break up, not this. Not him dying.’ Off spat out, breathing in as much air as he needs. The air became heavy as soon as he uttered those words out. He could slice the awkward air with the same knife he used to cut his steak just now.

‘Well damn, dude.’ Arm sighs, reaching out for his glass of wine before downing it. His throat feels even dryer now. They let a moment pass by them just eating without anyone saying a word before Arm decided to break the silence. ‘This wasn’t supposed to happen if you just went for it that day, you know?’

Off looks up to meet Arm’s gaze, he couldn’t believe that Arm is really trying to make sense out of this situation right now.

‘We don’t know that. Sometimes we just have to let things go, for it to fall into their rightful places.’

Arm shook his head, ‘And you think this is the rightful place for Gun to fall into?’

‘At that moment it did. Gun looked at him like he was the whole world and all the good things in it.’ Off admitted, reminiscing the moment he tried really hard to forget but for some reason kept on sticking up with him.

‘I hate you.’ Arm jokes before continuing, ‘You sure do love pain don’t you?’ Arm chuckles, putting a piece of asparagus in his mouth.

‘And you sure love pushing me back to it.’ He counters, popping one of the fries that came with his steak into his mouth.

‘Hey, that’s why I’m here for.’ Arm boasted, shrugging his shoulder, earning a chuckle from the both of them.

The night seems young for the both of them to go back home but Off could already feel the exhaustion getting to him, he leans towards the chair from behind him before asking another question to his friend. ‘Oh, and by the way, why didn’t you stop Jay from making a ruckus down at the office today?’

‘Me? Why didn’t you? Plus, I was assigned in a different department for a couple of months now it’s not like I know each and every one of the other employees and everything that is going on’ Arm laughs, remembering the moment he heard about Jay paying for the employees’ lunch and giving them additional pay for absolutely no reason at all. He heard it an hour late through people gossiping during break.

‘Touché’ Off chuckles raising his glass of wine to his friend. The look on his father’s face was priceless, and Off couldn’t have enough of it.

‘That kid, I’m telling you, he’s going places.’ Arm stated, crossing his arms on his chest.

‘I know, for such a smart kid he’s so dumb.’

‘Oh, just like you?’

‘Yeah I guess that’s how you know we really are brothers.’

* * *

**_7 years ago_ **

_Off looks around the library to look for references to back his argument in tomorrow’s debate. It bores him just by looking at the covers of the books in front of him, but he wouldn’t hear the end of it from his father when he flunked this once again, so he needs to focus._

_He slides his finger to feel the covers of the books he was passing by when something caught his eyes._

_‘ **Relativity: the special and the general theory’** _

_He made his way to grab the book when someone from the other side of the shelf grabbed it first._

_‘What the f-’ He curses, peeking through the hole that the absence of the book created, he can’t really see much when the guy was already walking away._

_‘No, you won’t get that that easily shorty.’ He thought seeing that the guy is far shorter than him. He doesn’t really need that book that much and he could probably find another one that is exactly like that, but there’s just something inside of him that is telling him to go after the guy, and so he did._

_He sat at an empty seat right across where the guy is seated at, his objective to get the book nor his desire to study for tomorrow’s debate is now completely out of the window._

_Though, his instincts are telling him that he looks like a fucking stalker, he continues to watch as the guy who is now bopping his head on the sound of the music blasting through his earphones._

_‘What would he be listening to?’ Off thought to himself._

_There’s just curiosity lingering at the back of his mind the more that he looks at the other person, there’s this need to know more and he doesn’t really have any particular reason as to why he wants to, he just do._

_He watches as the guy, pulled out a pack of m &m’s, to munch on as he reads, when one of the blue ones rolled out. Taking the guy by surprise, the guy reaches out before looking around to see if anyone is looking, fortunately not being able to spot Off, before popping the candy into his mouth._

_Off couldn’t help but chuckle at that sight, he tried to not look directly at the guy, not wanting to look creepier than he already is. He grabs a notebook from his bag along with a pen, to make him look like he’s doing something._

_Anything to distract him from this weight his feeling on his chest and at the pit of his stomach._

_So, he started to doodle._

_It started with a plain line then it progresses into a whole drawing. He wasn’t planning on drawing the nameless guy but he ended up doing just so. This might be one of the things he wants to keep to himself for the mean time._

_He looks down, concentrating on the drawing. Polishing every sides of it only to look up on an empty seat._

_Damn it._

_He didn’t even have the chance to properly introduce himself._

_He looks at the caricature that he drew. Tracing his fingers on to it._

_A bliss._

* * *

_Off went back to the library the next day hoping to see a certain someone that made him feel something he couldn’t quite put a finger to, the feeling so strong that it’s enough to make him come back to the exact bookshelf. The exact category._

_The exact time and the exact place._

_But this time he pulled out one of the books to make him look like he’s got something to do this time and maybe even use the time to study._

_He looks down on his watch, it’s only been five minutes since he got here and there’s still no sign of the guy he was looking for. He looks around for a bit, maybe the guy is in the other side of the library so he walks around, even up to the second floor of the place._

_Maybe this time he would introduce himself and maybe he’ll gain another friend in the process, that’s if the guy would let him or if the guy would even show up._

_He looks around to the place before ending up at the same bookshelf, but to no avail he still couldn’t see the guy._

_He sighs, he walks closer to where the book he was supposed to get were placed, to see that the book is still not returned._

_There is still a chance he’ll get to see the guy once again._

_He sighs, could he be more pathetic than this? He was about to walk around once more before he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket._

**_‘Dude where the fuck are you? The game is about to start?’_ ** _He reads the text from Arm. He sighs once again, he did promise his friends that he would not bail this time. He puts his phone back to his pocket before heading out._

_What is with that guy, making him feel things enough for him to have the patience to come back._

_He shook his head, the chance of meeting the guy is slim to none. This is a huge university anyway._

* * *

_Like instinct, Off came back every single day at that week. Allotting about forty minutes each time to wait, but like always he didn’t see the guy._

_He sighs, for today he stayed for a couple more minutes before he started walking towards the door._

_That’s when he sees him once again._

_He stopped dead on his tracks, feeling the exact pull on his stomach as he looks at the guy with it’s back facing him. He could hear his heartbeat getting uneven as he saw the guy arguing with the librarian._

_‘Oh, come on, I was only late for a day.’ The guy whined, earning an eye roll from the librarian._

_‘You can’t keep on doing this, one day you’ll meet a librarian who will not tolerate your shenanigans.’ The librarian complained before giving in and taking the over due books from the guy’s hands._

_‘Oh, Betty you know you love me.’ The guy cheekily said and there it is again, that pull that Off can feel on his chest._

_‘You’re lucky that I do, or else you must have paid for a bunch of these already’ She chuckles, raising the book for emphasis._

_‘Thank you Betty, I’ll treat you coffee once I got the chance.’_

_‘You don’t have to, but please do.’ Betty jokes, before the guys turned around to almost skip towards the door._

_‘Oh, wait, Gun! You forgot this.’_

_The guy turned around to Betty’s call, walking back to the counter once again._

_Gun, that’s his name. The guy who has been keeping Off awake for these past couple of days._

_Maybe knowing his name is not that much but it's a start._

_For Off it is._

* * *

_'_ _His name is Gun’_

_Arm looks up from the game he was playing to look at his friend who slammed his bedroom door open._

_‘Dude you can say that with less force’ Arm groaned, throwing his controller away when he saw that he lost his game. He sighs looking at his friend who has been out of it lately, always blabbering about someone he met at the library, which for Arm just sounds like someone his mind made up but he guesses it’s not since now it has a name._

_‘Who? Who is this Gun you’re talking about?’_

_They both look back to see Oab drying his hair with a towel, which is not really out of ordinary since they treated Arm’s bedroom as their own since they all could remember._

_‘It’s this guy that Off has been crushing about for almost a week now’_

_‘Hey, I am not crushing on him!’ Off exclaimed, proving Arm’s point in him being defensive._

_‘Okay let’s just say that all those times you mentioned him are all just random thoughts. Let’s say that’ Arm rolls his eyes chuckling, making Off pounce on him to make him shut his rambling mouth._

_‘So, you have a crush on this guy?’ Oab wiggles his eyebrows, sitting down on Arm’s bed. ‘What’s he like?’ He continues once Off still have his hands-on Arm’s mouth, if Arm wouldn’t tease Off then it’s only right for Oab to fulfill their duties._

_Off sighs, he knows there is no point in arguing with these two and that they would pester him to death until he caves so he started describing Gun, not helping the growing feeling he has by the way._

_He tried avoiding the curious gaze of the people inside the room before he spoke, ‘I don’t know,’ He groans, rolling on the bed._

_‘There’s just something so inviting about him that I can’t stop thinking about since I first saw him. He looks carefree, and now I finally knew his name. It's Gun.’_

_‘Awe our little Off is now in love.’ Arm coos with Oab laughing with him._

_‘I am not little, you guy should know that,’ He smirks suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows, earning a groan from both of his friend and a pillow chucked on his face. He laughs, ‘and I am not in love okay? I think I would know if I was.’_

_‘First of all, you’re disgusting. Second, that’s what people who's definitely in love says all the time.’ Arm argues._

_In love? Huh. Off has never thought of actually being in love with someone before._

_‘And there’s nothing wrong with what you feel, it’s completely normal you’re young, go and explore those places, we’re just freshmen after all.’ Oab adds, leaning on one of the pillows and closing his eyes._

_Off smiled at that, he really is lucky with his friends. He nodded his head at Oab even though it couldn’t see him with its eyes closed._

_Maybe what he’s feeling with this guy, Gun, is nothing near the word love, but he’ll never know unless he tries, right?_

_Maybe he should go for it and explore those places like what Oab has just said._

_Maybe he will._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I'm sorry it took so long for me to update this fic, it's just that I have been balancing things lately and once yesterday was you hit the climax I needed to focus on that first. Nevertheless, here's a new chapter hehe I'll try and update every other day now unless I have a test or something. If you noticed any grammatical errors please excuse it, I'll try and edit this as soon as I can :)) Thank you!


	10. 9: Gray areas and expectations, but I'm not the one if we're honest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recommend you listen to Talk me down by Troye Sivan before reading this chapter :))

‘I think we’re going to have to hire another digital artist by next week’ New groaned sitting on Gun’s chair in his cubicle. Gun leans on the thin divider separating his working space to other’s. He rolls his eyes at New who keeps on pestering him at office hours. He gets that New just wanted to distract him from his own mind but aren’t this a little too much pestering?

‘Don’t you have a proposal due by tomorrow?’ Gun sighs, reaching for his water bottle settled at his desk.

‘Yeah, your point?’

‘My point is, why are you here?’ Gun whined, trying his best to pull his boss-slash-friend out of his seat. New just leaned in even more to the chair below him.

‘Why are YOU here?’ New countered, making Gun look at him with more confusion.

‘That doesn’t make any sense-’ Gun didn’t have a chance to finish his sentence when they heard some of their co-workers chatting at the hallways. Why are people in this building so damn loud when it comes to gossiping.

_‘Yeah, I saw him from earlier. He looks exactly like my type.’_

_‘Mild that’s our boss, but I guess we really met the wrong guy from yesterday huh.’_ The other one giggled.

Gun rolled his eyes once again to New who is now pressing his ears on the divider to hear the others talking clearly. He walks towards his chair who is available for once, since New found another thing to put his attention to.

‘What are you doing?’ He asked in hushed tones, afraid the others would think of them as nosy office bitches, even though in New’s case maybe they’re not wrong.

‘Shhh. They’re talking about the CEO’s son, I think.’ New answered in a not so quiet voice, making Gun sigh, looking towards his computer. New can eavesdrop all he wants but Gun decided to just start working on his report due on the weekends.

_‘I heard the one we saw yesterday was the illegitimate child.’_

_‘Yeah, I heard that too.’_

Gun couldn’t help but pick up what they were saying, he feels sorry for that guy Jaylerr, he seems sweet to be referred to as the illegitimate child. Gun looks up from his computer when he heard New call out the other two.

‘Hey! You know you could use a lot of your free time actually finishing work and not gossiping about our bosses, right? If you did, maybe you might have gotten a much better presentation than that half-assed report you compiled yesterday’ New bluntly confronted, making Gun shake his head. He’s the one to talk when he’s in here eavesdropping but he got used to this side of New already so it doesn’t faze him one bit.

‘Go back to work.’ New sighs before he remembers something, ‘Except you, Mild, come here.’

It didn’t take long before the other one went inside the cubicle, making Gun’s space a little too crowded for his liking.

‘So, you actually saw him?’ New asks right away, when the petite lady sets foot in front of him.

‘Yeah, he looks almost exactly like one we met but you could definitely see the difference.’

‘Huh’ New nodded, putting his hand over his chin, looking like he’s deep in thoughts. Gun thinks that if New focuses this much in his work, he might have gotten promoted to an even higher position already. ‘So, is it true? The one we saw from yester was the infamous second child.’

‘Yeah, I think his name is Jason? I don’t know it has something to do with Jay or something.’ Mild shook her head trying to remember the details to her gossip properly.

‘Hey, could you guys do this,’ Gun waves his hand towards them before he continues, ‘somewhere else, there’s people in here who actually wants to get some work done.’ He whines seeing Mild flare her nostrils.

‘Boo hoo, A little Gossip wouldn’t hurt your perfect little work performance.’ New rolled his eyes at him before encouraging Mild to expound more on the subject. Gun couldn’t help but chuckle at the shift of New’s words, wasn’t it just a couple of minutes earlier he was going off about not gossiping or whatnot but here he is. He never seems to figure New out completely but he manages to relate to him once in a while.

Mild went on and off about the topic, saying things like Jaylerr used to do something illegal to get kicked off of their house or that Jaylerr was in rehab for almost a year ago, but Gun couldn’t get the image of Jaylerr smiling off of his mind. He seems to sweet to do something like the ones they’re accusing him.

He looks just like a lost boy.

It didn’t take them long before they diverted back to their actual boss, describing what he looks like or assuming what he’s actually like.

Hearing these words makes Gun think, maybe he was right about who it was all this time.

He doesn’t know what to feel with being reminded about Oab even in the office, now that there’s a possibility that Oab’s childhood friend is the CEO’s son.

* * *

‘Welcome to your Office! How do you like it?’ Arm exclaimed, earning a side eye from Off. He tried so hard to avoid ending up in here but now that he reached this age, stability doesn’t seem too bad.

‘Everything is fine with me, you know that.’ Off answered dryly, he looks around to see that Arm might have been the one who led the team to decorate his office, since it doesn’t look too formal. It’s homey, it’s just that he’s still not that used to having such a large space to do paper works in. He had an office at his old job but that looks more humbling than this.

‘Can you be more unenthusiastic than that?’ Arm groans, spinning on Off’s office chair and playing with the leaf of the plant that is perfectly placed on top of Off’s desk.

‘Okay fine, thank you Arm. I really like it. I think I’m ready to go home now.’ He teased, grazing his fingers on the books placed at a bookshelf at the left side of the room.

‘That’s the spirit!’ Arm fired back with the same amount of sarcasm.

Off breathes out as soon as his eyes catches the worn-out book, one he has been holding onto all these years, which may seem like it doesn’t make sense at all. It doesn’t, but Off is getting used to things that doesn’t make sense nowadays.

‘I’m sorry I put that in there, I just thought maybe it would give you enough motivation to go after him, wherever he may be.’ Arm stood up, tapping his shoulder.

‘Arm, I told you I’m not planning on making a move at my dead ex-friend’s boyfriend.’ Off protested, looking beside him to scowl at Arm.

‘Ex-boyfriend’ Arm corrected, raising his pointer finger at Off for emphasis.

‘Like that would change anything’

‘You’re right it won’t, but the last time I checked Gun was never his in the first place.’

Off shook his head, looking back to the book, reading the title of it from the sides.

_‘ **Relativity: the special and the general theory’** _

‘He was never mine either.’

* * *

**_7 years ago_ **

_‘You owe me pizza for making me come here when you know I have been waiting for the Dream League Season 2 all summer. Now, I’m going to miss the ultimate DOTA tournament because somebody got a huge fat crush’ Arm whined from his side, they are currently at the center of the crowd, waiting for the program to start. A lot of people are now crowding the grounds of their campus, seeing that today is the last day of their university week._

_After asking around like a total creep, he learned that Gun, would be one of the open acts for the band that is going to play tonight. He couldn’t think of a better chance to try and introduce himself to Gun other than tonight, especially with the festive atmosphere._

_‘Fine! I’ll buy you some pizza so please just this once, stop whining.’ He shoots daggers towards Arm, almost screaming since the place is too noisy, not the ideal background sounds when conversing._

_‘You really like this guy huh?’ Arm stated, almost confirming it more to himself._

_‘What?’ Off asks, he didn’t catch what Arm was trying to say._

_‘I said,’ Arm raised his voice, ‘You really like this dude.’ He repeated and judging by the look on Off’s face, he got it this time._

_Off felt the familiar feeling washing over his system, the familiar pull on the pit of his stomach. He hasn’t really admitted it to himself but every time he thinks of Gun and when his mind goes back to the look on Gun’s face at that afternoon, he couldn’t help but feel the jittery feeling._

_‘You don’t know that’ Off rolls his eyes to his smirking friend, being defensive is the only thing he could think of as an escape from the awkward situation, of course it didn’t work. This is Arm he’s talking to._

_‘Yeah, like you’d drag me in a crowded place, promising to buy me pizza, just to see someone random’ Arm crosses his arms, looking straight at the empty stage. His friend got it bad and it shows. To him it’s pretty fun, seeing one of his best friends take interest into something that is neither anime or video games. He’s the one to talk._

_‘Shut up’ Off chuckles, there’s no point in denying things now. They waited for a couple more minutes before the hosts of the show entered the stage, introducing all the acts performing, Arm looks down at his watch it’s five minutes past when the program should have started, of course it’s going to be a little late since it’s a university program, organized by their fellow students. With that being said Oab is still not around._

_‘Where is Oab by the way? He should be here by now.’ Arm looks around to see if he could spot their other friend looking for them since they are settled literally at the middle of the crowd, it’s going to be tough finding them._

_‘I actually don’t know.’ Off shook his head._

_‘You invited the both of us, right? Please don’t tell me I’m the only one you dragged out of a peaceful night.’_

_Off looked at him like he turned dumb, ‘Stop being so dramatic, yes I invited him too. Maybe something just came up.’_

_Arm nodded, not thinking too much into it before looking over people’s shoulder to get a nice view of the first performer, unlike his friend, he wasn’t blessed with godlike height._

_‘God, I can’t see the stage, the guy in front of us is too tall.’ Arm heard someone from behind them complain. Arm felt his ears heating up before he looks back, just to see a girl crossing her arms at them, with one eyebrow raised._

_‘Excuse me, it’s not my friend’s fault that you stopped growing in eight grade’ He fired back, making Off shake his head at him. The lower jaw of the girl and her friend dropped from what Arm has just said._

_To be honest the girl looked kinda cute for Arm, if she wasn’t just looking at him with disgust._

_‘Well your friend, should have considered that there are going to be people behind him that also wants to watch.’ She’s technically screaming at him at this point, pushing Arm to be more fired up._

_‘I don’t see any rule that says that, complain to me when he has someone on his shoulder or something, not about his height that he doesn’t have any control of.’_

_‘Arm let’s not’ Off reached out for his arm, stopping him from taking a step closer to the girl. He caught the girl’s eyes and none of them seems to want to look away any second, the girl smirked, challenging him before they heard the girl’s friend sigh_

_‘Alice come on, this is not worth it. Let’s just go to another spot’ She said before pulling on this girl, Alice’s arm. They disappeared into the crowd but not before the Alice scoffs at him._

_Arm made a face before turning back to where he was looking at moments ago._

_‘You really know how to provoke people’ Off chuckles, shaking his head._

_‘Excuse me, she was the one who started it and I was just defending your ass. Could you believe her? Ugh! I so hate people like that’ Arm groans out of frustration._

_‘Okay let’s not get too carried away’_

_‘Yeah whatever.’_

_Off laughs turning his attention back to the stage with an annoyed friend on his side._

_What a great start to their evening._

* * *

‘Gun, could I ask you a favor?’ New entered his cube once again, clutching his stomach.

‘Do I have a choice?’ He raises his eyebrow, by the looks on New’s face there he doesn’t have any choice but to comply.

‘I think I ate bad sushi earlier at lunch and boy I could feel it messing up my insides.’ New complains, clutching his abdomen tighter, his legs slightly shaking. ‘Since you’re my most trust worthy underling please deliver the papers from my desk down at the office by the accounts management.

‘An underling?’ He teased, pressing on New’s struggle even more.

‘Okay, my beloved co-worker. An equal. My fellow human being. A friend. Please’ New begs, tapping his feet on the ground.

‘Okay I’m on it, now please sanitize after’ He smirks, looking at New with fake disgust. New made a face at him, mocking, before he powerwalks towards the elevator down at the comfort where almost no one goes to. Ife he’s going to deal with a tummy ache he’s going to make sure no one would know except Gun.

Gun sighs before standing up making his way towards New’s office to get the papers and deliver it to its rightful place. He takes a look at the name written at the first page to know where exactly he needs to deliver these reports.

**Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn**

**SO Executive Director**

If it’s the person Gun has been thinking of then New owes him big time.

* * *

‘I was afraid this would happen’ Off tilted his head to his friend lounging around at his office. Is there anyone in this company that is actually working hard, it’s a

‘What?’ Arm looks up from the magazine he was reading.

‘I knew you didn’t volunteer to decorate my office for nothing, of course you would like something nice for yourself to leisure in’ Off leaned in on his seat, taking a break from reading piles and piles of reports. He knew his first day in his father’s company would be rough but he didn’t know it would be this rough. His neck is about to give up on him and his eyes are watery from all the words he’s reading and his supposedly best friend had the audacity to take a break in his room.

‘You know me so well’ Arm clutches his chest to mock Off even harder. ‘The ac in here is the greatest thing that happened to me for this month. The ac at my office is busted for almost two weeks and a half already.’

‘Have you ever thought of reporting it instead of leeching off someone else’s space?’

‘I have, but they said it would at least take a few more working days before they check it or replace it.’ Arm sighs, lying down completely on the sofa he was sitting on, raising the magazine upwards so that he could carry on with what he was reading. ‘Wait, since you’re the golden son. Can you ask them to hurry it up?’

Off sighs, he’s so done with people referring to him as the golden son like it’s something he’s supposed to be proud of. He was about to rant when they both heard a soft knock on his door, causing Arm to shoot up, sitting straight and fixing his tie before the door opens.

‘Good afternoon Sir, I was tasked to give you these reports from my supervisor.’

Off couldn’t seem to catch his breath.

His eyes trailed on the piles of more reports he has to read to the eyes he has been dreaming of ever since he could remember.

‘Oh shh’ Arm tried to conceal himself but Off could still feel his eyes boring holes to his skin.

* * *

Gun doesn’t know where to focus on, is it because of the men in front of him with their eyes wide like they’re animals caught with the headlights or was it because he suddenly confirmed his suspicions even though it was so obvious already? The Off Jumpol, son of the CEO, their current Executive Director is the same Off Jumpol he drank beers with.

Or was it because of the identical umbrella settled by the corner of the room that is taking him back.

Back to the first day he sets his eyes on someone he holds so dear in his heart.

Gun couldn’t seem to figure it out for he is feeling more than one emotion at once.

* * *

**_7 years ago_ **

_‘That was a really great performance Gun’ Jane smiled at him backstage after all the performances are done and they all could breathe now._

_‘Thank you, you’re not so bad yourself’ He smiles back, bumping his shoulder to Jane’s. It excites Gun to showcase his talents once in a while. Even though eh doesn’t really want to pursue, playing the piano, in this case the keyboards, for a full-time job, it still makes him happy to be able to do so in front of a lot of people._

_‘Well thank you’ Jane beams before they saw Puimek walking towards them. She’s the one who organized the event and she’s also the one who sent the invite to Gun._

_‘Thank you, guys, like, really. You guys saved the night.’ She smiles at the both of them, she still has her checklist held against her chest._

_‘Thank you to you too, you can breathe now that the event is over, and congrats by the way, the people seemed to enjoy the night.’ Jane complimented_

_‘Yeah, we’re really lucky that the rain started after the event or else we’re done for’ Puimek breathes out making Gun look towards the open door towards the outside, it’s still raining cats and dogs. They really should consider themselves lucky as the rain gave way to their event before it poured down as heavy as it is right now._

_‘Are you guys waiting for someone before going home?’Puimek asks, pulling Gun out of his thoughts._

_‘I am not, I’m actually on my way outside right now, I have to meet my parents’ Jane answered before the both of them looks at Gun._

_‘How about you Gun?’_

_‘Well I don’t have an umbrella, so I think I’ll just wait around for a couple of minutes before going home hoping that the rain would stop.’_

_‘You can borrow mine, I think I have it in the back’ Puimek offered, pointing towards back towards the room where they keep their things._

_‘No thank you, the night is stressful enough for you.’ He smiled, waving his hands no._

_‘Okay then but let me know if you change your mind, I’ll just be at the back helping them clean up.’ She said before bidding her goodbyes. It didn’t take long before Jane gets home too, leaving Gun alone._

_He walks closer to the back door, watching the rain hit the ground like it wouldn’t stop any minute now. He shifted his weight on his right foot, feeling the soreness from standing up since earlier creep in. He rotates his ankles, hoping that it would relive some of the pressure it didn’t help so he just leaned on the door frame._

_‘I can share my umbrella if you’d like?’ Someone from behind him said out of the blue, startling him for a moment before he looks back to where the voice came from. ‘Okay that sounded creepier than how I intended it to be.’ The guy chuckled before reaching out his free hand._

_‘I’m Oab by the way’_

* * *

**_7 years ago_ **

_After Gun’s performance, Off feels like he’s floating. He couldn’t help the smile creeping on his face as he makes a ran towards the place where the performers stay at. His friend Arm bailed on his right after Gun’s performance, saying he doesn’t want to see Off get so red from blushing and it would be awkward for the two of them to suddenly approach Gun, it will look like their ganging up on him or something but Off knows Arm and these are all just excuses for him to go home and watch the recorded DOTA tournament on his own._

_He started running faster as he could feel the raindrops hitting him with every step, he didn’t have a chance to take his umbrella back from Oab since he didn’t know that it would rain tonight so he doesn’t have anything to offer Gun if he happens to not have an umbrella himself, maybe he could keep Gun some company while they both wait for the rain to stop._

_Okay, he’s getting ahead of himself. He doesn’t even know if Gun is still there or if Gun would not think of his as a creep being that he’s almost soaking wet but he has to at least try._

_He waited too long and it’s time he ends it now._

_His mind wanders towards topics he could open with Gun so that it wouldn’t seem like the stalker that he is but before he could reach his destination he was nailed back to the ground._

_He couldn’t seem to move a muscle as he sees a familiar red umbrella with two familiar figures under it, walking by the sidewalks from the venue._

_Too close to just be some random encounter._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, yes it was seven years ago. I just made a mistake last chapter but I updated it now :)


	11. 10: I don't have the capacity for fucking, you're meant to be helping me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Smut

‘Why didn’t you tell me that he works here?’ Off looks at Arm who still frozen on the sofa in front of him.

‘What? Why me? Are you really going to assume that I know every single one in here? What about you? Aren’t you the one in love with him? Aren’t you supposed to know where he works at?’

Off couldn’t think of any reply so he just groans, clasping his hands together. ‘That’s it, I’m going to have to fire you’ He said sternly, startling Arm.

‘Haha that’s funny.’ Arm rolls his eyes, chuckling to himself before he saw the look on his friend’s face making him swallow hard.

‘Does it look like I’m kidding?’ Off widens his eyes, ‘I’m sorry but we have to let you go,’ Off teased, shaking his head before sitting on his desk and crossing his arms over his chest. ‘This just proves that you don’t really work hard.’ He clicked his tongue, laughing once he saw the look on Arm’s face before he stopped with the teasing.

A moment passed by with the both of them just looking at each other before Arm decided to break the awkward silence. ‘Maybe this is your sign?’

‘I don’t believe in signs’ He huffed, if he believes in signs then he shouldn’t have waited for Gun in the library after almost a week of failing to do so.

‘Maybe now you should’ Arm shrugs, nodding his head as a sign of confidence. Off couldn’t help but sigh at what is happening, he couldn’t believe that he let this slip through him when there are a lot of times Gun mention worked, for some reason he didn’t ask where.

‘This is not going to be pretty’ Off shook his head, before going back to his chair, staring at the papers that Gun has just dropped off.

‘It’s up to you’ Arm stated, standing up and fixing his suit before heading to the door. He looks back at Off who is now looking at him before he continues.

‘It’s up to you to make it pretty’

* * *

‘I think we might have to look for that digital artist sooner than I expected’ New shook his head, he managed to force Gun out of his cubicle with all the strengths he has left so now they’re at sushi place down the corner from their office. He looks at Gun in front of him, observing every detail in Gun’s face.

He looks different, so much more now than when he was with Oab. New couldn’t help but sigh, though he didn’t know Gun that long he knows how Gun used to be like a personified sunshine and it’s sad to see it dim after all that has happened.

‘Do you know anyone we can call? That would make it easier for us, instead of screening each and every person’ He asked, before putting a gunkan maki in his mouth and munching on it.

‘Huh?’ Gun looks up to meet his eyes, it took a lot from New not to physically shake Gun once he saw how empty its eyes are.

‘I said, do you happen to know a digital artist that could help us in this project?’ He repeated, stopping the urge to roll his eyes. Being salty is his default personality and sometimes he has to remind himself to take it easy with Gun. It might not be the most comforting feeling, being fragile to other people and he knows how Gun hates the feeling, well who wouldn’t? But right now that’s all he could do.

‘Oh uhm’ Gun shakes his head trying his best to be present, ‘I know someone, I just don’t think they’re free, but I’ll still try to call them and we’ll see.’ Gun said, reaching out for the unagi in front of him before he remembered something. ‘Wait, is this the place where you get the bad sushi from yesterday?’ Gun raises an eyebrow at New who is smiling sheepishly at him.

‘New’ He groans, dropping his chopsticks on his plate.

‘Come on! This place has the greatest dynamite sauce out here’

Gun made a face, looking suspiciously at the food in front of them that unfortunately taste better than it looks so he’s down to his last two before he even realized what it might do to him.

‘The sauce or the guy at the counter?’ Gun tilted his head towards the attractive guy that is helping the manager at the counter.

‘And if it’s both? What about it?’ New smirks

‘You’re disgusting, like these damn sushi’ he lies, teasing New. Outside of their office there really is no point to treat New anything more or less than a friend, not like they keep things formal in the office but there’s still a line that they can’t cross unlike when they’re outside.

‘You’ll be too if you haven’t gotten laid for almost a month and half’ New whines, trying to remember the last time he went out and met someone. But the words went out of his mouth before he even realizes Gun’s situation making him force out an awkward smile. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t mean it that way, all I’m saying is I really have to go out in search of a companion, if you know what I mean.’ He wiggles his eyebrow, trying to clear the atmosphere.

‘Oh, I know what you mean,’ Gun grimace, poking the last two sushi left on their table, ‘but I don’t think I need to hear more’ he tries to joke hiding the fact that it’s in that moment that he knew that he misses it.

He misses being held closely by someone he loves.

He misses being touched and getting excited by it.

He misses the feeling of being in sync with someone.

He misses Oab, so much,

so much that it hurts.

* * *

**5 years ago**

_‘I love you’ Oab whispered in his ear, making him giggle a little. Gun could feel the heat radiating from both of their bodies, underneath Oab’s thick blankets. He turns around only to welcomed with a smile from his boyfriend. He hums from the comfort he feels in Oab’s strong arms. He wouldn’t trade this feeling for anything in the world. He thought as he could hear Oab’s chuckles when he nuzzled his head deeper into its neck._

_‘I love you too’ He answered back, looking up to meet his boyfriend’s eyes. Oab looks so earnest, so much like Gun’s safe place._

_None of them speak for a moment after that, they just both lie there in each other’s warmth. With Oab’s bedroom window ajar and the moonlight slightly seeping in to join them in celebration of their love to each other._

_‘Are you okay? I mean, does it not hurt?’ Oab asks, massaging his back lightly. He shook his head, a faint smile still lingering in his face as he presses his cheek onto Oab’s bare chest._

_‘I’m okay’ He answered once again, squeezing Oab in the process. Trying to get as close to Oab as he could probably get._

_‘Are you sure? First times could be pretty rough’ Oab made him look up by putting his pointer finger on Gun’s chin._

_Gun is still flushed from earlier, there is still a trace of tears by his eyes, his hair is still kind of wet from the sweat but one thing Oab wouldn’t be able to miss is the faint smile making its appearance in Gun’s face._

_‘Yeah, yeah I think I’m sure’ Gun nodded, before planting a sweet peck onto Oab’s lips. There’s not a single moment he wants to miss with being with Oab. If he could only take this moment and pocket it forever, he would have done in a heartbeat but now all he could really do is to be in the moment and see where it goes from there._

_‘I love you’ Oab whispers once again, smiling at him. Even though he couldn’t see Oab’s face clearly there’s no doubt that he feels the same._

_‘Why do you keep on saying that?’ He asks, feeling his cheeks getting hotter by the minute._

_‘Because I do, I really do.’_

_‘Okay, I love you too Oab. I really do too.’_

_Oab tighten his grip onto Gun’s figure, kissing the top of the latter’s head and Gun felt his world crashing and his wall closing in on him as he lets himself go._

* * *

‘Now that we’re in the subject, was there really no chance that you would have introduced yourself to Gun at that night?’

‘No Arm, we were not on the subject.’ Off rolls his eyes, stirring the spoon to mix his coffee well, that is almost halfway done.

‘Well now we sure are, so why don’t we get right to it.’ Arm clasps his hands together, he’s taking his chances just to feed his curiosity.

Off sighs before sitting on his kitchen counter before turning back to his friend, ‘I don’t know at that moment that felt like the only thing I could do and after that it just felt wrong to intervene.’

‘That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard and that’s coming from me.’ Arm sighs, transferring seats to sit in front of his friend, before he continues, ‘It took them months before they got together, I don’t know but for me nothing’s really over until it is and why would you even feel bad about something that was done to you?’

‘I guess Oab has his reasons.’ He shook his head, sipping on his cup of coffee. The bitter taste lingering at the tip of his tongue, a faint reminder of the regrets he bagged years ago.

‘Reasons? Reasons for what? That was still a dick move if you ask me’ Arm shrugs before looking up and around the room, almost as if imagining the third person was still there with them. ‘You hear that Oab, I know you’re dead and all but that was a dick move. You’re a dick!’ Arm almost shouted, with Off shaking his head to him. This is what Off has to deal with in the span of time they became friends and this is Arm being completely sober, imagine him getting drunk.

‘Let’s not speak ill of the dead’ Off groans, reaching for the grapes settled in front of him. He pops one into his mouth before instantly regretting it. Grapes and Coffee, turns out not a good combination.

‘I speak ill of everyone even the alive ones, so technically he’s not special’ Arm rolls his eyes, copying Off and reaching for the grapes as well. He puts one into his mouth before making a face, ‘Ew, your grapes are bad’

‘Okay that’s it.’ Off stood up before pulling on his friend’s arms. ‘Get the fuck out of here before I end this friendship’

‘As if you have the courage to end a friendship that lasted for years, plus, you love me right?’ Arm resisted, making his body feel heavier so that Off wouldn’t be able to kick him out.

‘No’ Off shook his head, smirking when he finally pulled Arm out of the seat.

‘Well that hurts my feelings and I don’t think I’ll be able to move pass it’ Arm dramatically said, letting Off pull him towards the door. It’s time he goes home anyways, he just wants to have a good laugh out of it.

‘Good, thank you for being my friend for almost ten years now. I think we’ve reached the peak and it’s now time for us to stop whatever this is.’ Off jokes, earning a laugh from the both of them.

After all those years Arm didn’t change, at all.

Off held the door, threatening to close it before Arm called back to him. ‘Good night, you dumbass’

Off chuckles before completely closing the door, he sighs, being with Arm is surely draining but he’s still grateful to have him as his friend.

He walks towards the counter, picking up his empty mug. He looks at the bottom of it, seeing the stain of coffee.

There are stains you can wash out and there are stains that will stick with you forever. He shook his head settling it down the sink.

* * *

‘I called my friend who was a digital artist, it turns out he’s free but for this project only’ Gun stated, the moment he walks into New’s office.

‘Thank God!’ New groans out, looking up at Gun who is now looming over his desk. ‘So, when can he start, did you ask?’

‘He said I could call him, if we want him to drop by today, so I just dropped by for a confirmation from you.’

‘Yes, tell him to come so we can discuss things immediately. I want to finish this hell of a presentation as soon as possible’

‘Okay’ Gun nodded turning back towards the door before he heard New calling out to him,

‘I’m a little caught up with everything because of this project and I have to make sure that I’m available once your friend gets here so, I’m gonna need you to take this’ He paused, lifting a folder to let Gun see, before Gun reaches out to accept ‘to the exact office you delivered the last ones’

Gun sighs, seeing the familiar name at the end of the page before whining at New, which he rarely does but at some cases like this one he’s left with not much of a choice. ‘What? Why me?’

New looks at Gun, like he grew three heads in the last minute. He raises his eyebrow before asking, ‘This is the first time, I saw you complain like that, are you sure you’re Gun?’

‘You still owe me from the last time you made me do this’

‘I’m lost, why?’

‘Nevermind’ He puffed out before completely exiting the room.

* * *

Gun breathes in deep before knocking on the door of Off’s office. He braised his heart and cleared his mind before opening the door. The office smells new with a slight hint of the aroma of coffee. His breath got caught up on his throat as he saw Off looks up from his computer, raising one eyebrow at him.

‘Yes?’ Off asks, his eye glasses sliding off the bridge of his nose.

‘Good Morning Sir, I was tasked to give this to you’ He answered, taking a step closer. He doesn’t know why exactly but something about this version of Off makes his knees buckle, maybe because he’s intimidated that Off is now literally the owner of the company or maybe he’s embarrassed because he drank beers with his boss and broke down months prior.

‘Okay just leave them there’ Off replied coldly, referring to his table before going back to what he was working on and ignoring Gun. He doesn’t want any kind of emotion to seep through him. Gun nodded before settling the papers over and turning around to get out of the office, but he stopped dead on his tracks when the door opens even before he did.

‘Off I need you to sign this’ Their chief marketing officer, Arm, said looking down at the papers in his hand, he looks up only to be surprised by a gentle pair of eyes. ‘Oh, I mean Mr. Adulkittiporn sir’ he said sheepishly, making Gun almost want to laugh, only if he wasn’t in the middle of two of his major bosses.

‘And It’s good that you’re here, Mr. Phunsawat’ Arm cleared his throat before fixing his stance, making it seem like he’s looming over Gun, intimidating Gun even more. ‘I’ve been meaning to talk with you’ Arm smirks, he could feel the daggers coming from Off from behind Gun but sometimes in life people need a little push to make things work.

And Arm is willing to be that push.

* * *

‘How did you get here?’ New looks at the guy standing in front of him who looks as bamboozled as him.

‘A friend of mine called me, he said that they were looking for a digital artist’

 _No, this can’t be_ New thought. Out of all people it’s him? He made sure to remember to pull Gun’s hair when he gets the chance because of this.

‘Nice to meet you, Mr. Thitipoom’ The guy smirked, looking at his name on his desk before continuing, ‘If that’s even your real name this time’

_Fuck._

He could feel the heat rushing to his face as he breaks eye contact with the cheeky guy staring at him. At this moment all he ever wanted was to be swallowed whole by the ground.

_Please._

* * *

**_1 month and a half ago_ **

_‘Oh fuck, right there’ New moaned out right by the ear of the guy on top of him. He snakes his arm around the guy’s neck, trying to be in sync with the guy’s pace. He knows that there’s a chance that he’ll regret this tomorrow but with how the guy is looking at him and how he has been sexually frustrated for months now, he couldn’t help himself but agree to this._

_Only this time,_

_And only tonight._

_Who would have thought that consenting to a one-night stand would give him so much pleasure?_

_The guy on top of him groans as he quickens his pace, taking New by surprise._

_‘Tay.. hngg… fuck’ He moans out the guy’s name as he felt it nibbling on his right nipple while fucking him. Tay’s breath is starting to be uneven as he lifted New’s legs, settling it by his shoulder, thrusting in deeper._

_‘It feels so tight’ Tay groans out, undeniable pleasure coursing through him. The guy below him looks so hot that it’s not helping him control his desires, he wanted to take it slow and be gentle but with the way the other guy’s eyes rolls to the back on his head and how he arches his back, looks so fucking sexy._

_Tay bitted his lower lip, looking at how their bodies are connected._

_That’s’ when New started moving his hips, receiving every thrust and almost crying out when Tay hits the spot, thrusting even deeper. He moans, a tear forming at the sides of his eyes. This feels so good. He clutches the bed sheet under him, angling his hips so that Tay would have a better access._

_‘Shit’ Tay curses out, when he feels the familiar pull on his lower abdomen forming. He pulls out, turning the guy around before he started thrusting his hips once more. The sound of their skin slapping and their breath getting uneven, echoes the room._

_‘I’m near, Ugh, Josh I’m cuming’ He breathes out before thrusting a few more times, feeling the overwhelming pleasure swallow him, the other guy following close at the peak, spilling white liquid on the comforter._

_He took his time settling on top of Josh’s back before pulling out and laying on the mattress, he could still feel his body shaking as he tries to even out his breath._

_New closes his eyes as he tries to be composed, that was the best sex he’s had in months, even when the guy was moaning out a name that is not his to begin with._

_Better safe than sorry, he wouldn’t see the guy after tonight anyway._


	12. 11: Remembering him comes in flashbacks; and echoes

‘You were asked to find me a secretary? What a lame ass excuse’ Off exclaimed after the door closes behind Gun. Off could feel his face involuntarily scrunching with annoyance while seeing his friend swallow the nervousness forming in its throat.

‘Well, what if I was?’ Arm smiled sheepishly, walking towards him. He sighs, leaning on his office chair. Arm really love to play cupid, doesn’t he?

‘Yeah right, like that’s your job.’

‘It could be’ Arm chuckles, knowing full well that he might regret what he just did.

‘Arm’ He whines, pulling on his hair, which only makes Arm laugh even harder. This is so not right, and what pushes him on edge even more is the look of hesitation on Arm face despite of its efforts to mask it with his cheekiness, indicating that even Arm regretted what he just said the moment it left his mouth.

Maybe realizing how stupid it was.

If Off was asked to list reasons as to why this is stupid and probably won't work, he'll need more than just a sheet of paper.

**REASONS AS TO WHY THIS IS A STUPID IDEA; AND WHY ARM SHOULD GET FIRED**

1\. Gun is literally in another line of work, it would just be stupid for him to shift to another after working as an SEOE for years now.

2\. the fact that this is just plain stupid.

3\. Arm is stupid

4\. Did I already say that this was stupid? 

Off groans, closing his eyes for a moment. Trying to make sense out of the situation. When he couldn’t think of any, he sighs, looking at Arm before speaking. ‘Just make sure you take that back before this day ends’

‘I don’t appreciate that tone’ Arm pouts, testing Off’s patience even more.

‘Arm I swear to God. I’m about to forget those years of “friendship” if you keep doing shit like this.’ Off warns, raising an eyebrow at Arm, using air quotes for emphasis. 

‘Fine, I’ll talk to him later’ Arm rolls his eyes

‘As you should, now please do some work or something. I’ve had enough of your annoying ass for the entire week’

‘Damn, you feed them and bathe them and when they get their own lives this is how they’re going to repay you. I shouldn’t have gotten kids’ Arm shakes his head, standing up to go out of the room but not before looking at Off with disappointment.

Off sighs, massaging his temples and closing his eyes once again. He reaches down to his tie, loosening it up before shaking his head.

Arm is a full grown professional with a lot of people looking up at him but he sure does act like a high school kid.

* * *

‘Why didn’t you tell me that I was going to get pulled out of this job?’ Gun confronted, barging in New’s office and crossing his arms over his chest.

New looks up from his laptop screen with furrowed eyebrows, ‘What?’

Gun got surprised at how confused New looked, when he was supposed to be the one who knew about it first. ‘Mr. Chansook just informed me that I was one of the candidates for Mr. Adulkittiporn’s secretary, and now they just decided that I would start tomorrow? Why wasn’t I informed about this? And why me? I’m a search engine optimization evaluator, this is out of my range. New couldn’t you have just informed me even days prior? Why-‘ He stopped ranting when he saw that the words he has been spitting out is just entering New's left ear before exiting onto the other. He sighs, taking the seat in front of New. 

'New?' He asked, snapping his fingers in front of New's face. 'New.' He repeated, this time more firmly, to hopefully catch New's attention. 

'You were saying?' New shook his head, trying to have a grip of reality without thinking of the guy he met earlier. 

'I was asking you on why didn't you tell me that I was chosen to be Mr. Adulkittiporn's secretary, but it seems like you have a lot of things in mind, are you okay?' Gun asked, for a moment his confusion was masked with concern. It's not everyday you see New in this state. 

'What? Who told you that? I haven't heard about it either. Don't worry I'll make sure to ask about that later, that is just absurd.' New shook his head once again. As far as he could remember no one informed him about this, not even a single memo but since he was spacing out the whole day, it wouldn't surprise him that he signed something without going through it. 

He looks up only to see Gun's "I-want-some-answers" face. 

'I think I need a shot of alcohol before I even begin to tell you' He shook his head, spinning on his office chair. 

Gun nodded, they used to go out whenever one of them have something big to tell so he doesn't really need to ask for more details, he know full well that New will spill the beans after that first shot of alcohol. 

'Yeah, I think I need one too' 

* * *

Gun breathes out when the fog of smoke enters his nostrils, it feels like forever since they've done this, that the loud music makes Gun anxious rather than calm like how it did before. He wasn't really planning on agreeing but maybe for just tonight he can let go. He tried to squeeze his small figure letting New lead the way towards a booth at the far left corner of the place.

They walk closer when something crosses his mind, Oab would always warn him about making an impression to people especially now that he is a working adult, that is the main reason why he stopped going out with New. 

_Fuck, Oab is right. There is nothing good that is going to come out of drinking, what was he thinking._ He thought as he reaches out for New's forearm, stopping the latter from taking another step before he leans in to say something, 'New I don't think this is a good idea' He shakes his head, trying to pull New back towards where they came from. 

'Oh come on Gun, we're already here' New pouts, resisting Gun's pull.

'Bu-' he was about to protest when he sees the look on New's face. A look that is almost telling him to stay. 

'Just tonight Gun, I think you deserve to have this night for yourself' 

It took Gun a couple of minutes before he lets go of New's arm, following closely behind his boss-slash-friend to another booth because the one they were about to go to from earlier is now occupied. Gun lets New order their drinks before he asks about the reason why they are here in the first place. 

'So..' He hangs, reaching out for some tissues and wiping some residue on their table and setting the now damp napkin at the side. Looking up at New who went from being completely calm to a straight up tomato from how red he's got. 

'Are you going to tell me something or are we just going to stare at each other the whole night?' He asks, raising his eyebrow and leaning on his seat, trying to get comfortable in the place that is not Oab condo for once. Now that they're here, there's no point in holding back with squeezing out answers from New. It feels so long since they have really talked anyways. To be really honest it has been a weird couple of months for him since Oab left, he keeps on finding himself drinking with different people occasionally.

Trying to find comfort to other people. 

Trying to find that same exact feeling he had before. 

'Fuck, won't you let me take a shot first?' New curses, chuckling to himself. He doesn't really know if he wants to tell Gun about all of these, since he's confused to even himself but keeping inside will only eat him alive and he knows it. 

'Drunk or not, you'll tell me anyways. We might as well start now, so that you'll be able to tell almost all of it before you're slurring' He answered, smiling at the waiter when he saw it settling a bucket of ice in front of them before it went back to the bar. 

'Fine, so you know that I haven't had sex in more than a month right?' 

He nodded, almost rolling his eyes at the ho New started the story. Nevertheless he listens as New spill the beans. He tried to clear their table when he saw the waiter coming back with the alcohol they ordered. 

'That's because,' New trailed, gathering up air and courage before continuing, 'The last time I had sex was probably the best sex I've ever had' He confessed, ignoring the pause the waiter did while setting the glasses and alcohol in front of them, which almost made Gun holler. If it only wasn't for the look from New's face, saying that he's embarrassed enough, Gun would have made a remark that would tease New further. 

Gun shook the bottle of alcohol like how he normally does, opening it, before pouring some for the both of them. 'So? Why is that bothering you now? Are you saying that you're incapable of having sex every again because of that night?' Gun teased,wiggling his eyebrows and watching New take his first shot. Grimacing over the taste. 

'No, what I'm saying is,' He said, reaching out for a napkin to wipe the corners of his mouth. 'That man, the one that I was with over a month and a half ago' 

Gun took a sip from his drink, testing it first before downing it. Almost choking when he heard the next words that came out of New's mouth.

'I'm sorry what?' He asks, not believing what he heard. 

'That man is now our current digital artist' New sighs, taking another shot. 

Gun couldn't help but laugh at that, he clutches his stomach as he laughs too hard. He taps the table with his free hand before it registers to his brain that the one who apparently fucked his boss so good that its unable to move on, is his childhood friend- slash neighbor, Tay. 

That's a mental image he wouldn't be able to get out of his system. Fuck, this is awkward. No wonder New looks like he lost all his will to live.

'Fine laugh at me, it was you who called him' New rolled his eyes, pouring himself another shot. If this was just a normal night, Gun would probably stop him from taking shots at this pace, but after hearing about New's dilemma, he figured that he'll probably do the same when he's in the same position.

'Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know that my friend who's a good artist is also apparently a good lover' He said, laughing at his own remark before drinking another shot. 

New groans, pulling on his hair. 'The fact that that is not the worst part of it all, is scaring me' He admitted. 

'What? There's something worse than that?'

'Oh yes' New nodded, taking a piece of lime and biting on it. 

'Hit me' Gun encourages, bracing himself for the information. 

'I told him at that night that my name was Josh and when he got into my office earlier, he saw that that was a fucking lie' 

'Fuck, you're such a dumbass.' Gun laughs once more, he hasn't laugh like this in months, so he's body is not really ready for it, making his upper abdomen starts aching. 'Why would you say that.'

'It was a one night stand, of course I'll make up some random name' 

'You know what, your dumbass deserves this karma. You set yourself up for this embarrassment and you know it' Gun chuckles, what he said would probably won't help but he has always been like this with New, and when he's on the other end of the bargain New's like this with him too.

New breathes out, leaning his forehead on the cold table before groaning to himself. Gun smirks, looking down at his boss before taking another sip from his drink. 

He's not worried. 

He's not worried at all. 

He knows them both and they are both great guys. 

But that doesn't negate the fact that this is an awkward fucking situation.

* * *

The lights started to get a little blurry as Gun looks around, people around them are still lively. Some are dancing, while the others are drinking. He looks back to his friend who is now too drunk to even open his eyes. Gun isn't as drunk as New, who downed almost everything, but he's not sober either. 

'I guess it's time to go home New' He started, waiting for a response but unfortunately New didn't even bother to raise his head. 'New' he whines, tapping on New's wrist on the table. 

He rolls his eyes, he didn't intend to be as tipsy as he is right now but he couldn't help but try to let loose after everything that has happened. He groans, trying to stand up. That's when he knew that he's more than just tipsy, everything around him spins and his stomach churns, forcing him to sit down once again. 

After a couple of seconds he tried standing up, making his way to his boss, before putting it's arm around his shoulder. To say that pulling New towards the exit is the hardest thing he has ever done physically, is an understatement, since New's build is almost triple than him. After stumbling a couple of times, they finally reached the exit. He tries talking with New as they wait for cabs, just so it wouldn't completely fall asleep as he tries to open his eyes himself. He shook his head, they should really invite other people when they do shit like this, the last time they did this New ended up going to his ex's apartment. But he guesses they really won't learn.

He stretches out his free arm to call the empty cab passing by. As soon as he settled New on the back seat, he made sure to pay for it, knowing that New would probably forget. He waited if the driver would protest about the amount he gave since he couldn't count the bills properly when everything is slightly spinning and when the driver doesn't seem to have any problems he slammed that door, saying his goodbyes but only receiving a groan as a response.

A groan is better than not having a response at all, he thought as he walks back, watching the cab retreat.

The midnight breeze blew over his body, hugging his frame as he waited for another cab. When he finally gets to call one, he settled himself at the back seat, murmuring an address to the driver, feeling the drowsiness getting to him. 

There's a slight confusion lingering in his mind as he tried to comprehend what he was saying, but when the cab started moving he dismisses the thought. 

What a night. Trying not to drink in years made his alcohol tolerance worse. He doesn't know that he'll get drunk with just a couple of shots. 

He couldn't wait to crash on his bed and call it a day. 

* * *

Off switch to another channel as he settled on his couch, his mind is still on the stunt that Arm pulled from earlier. He just hopes that Gun wouldn't take that seriously, he really doesn't want to be the one triggering Gun or something.

He groans, punching the throw pillow he's been hugging. Arm is such a pain in the ass, he furrowed his eyebrow, feeling the annoyance rush towards his system once again. He looks up at the television only to see that he stopped switching the channels on a foreign show, one where he couldn't understand the language to. His mind is somewhere else to even choose another channel so he just didn't care anymore as he lets himself get cozy. Reading the sub titles of the show and trying to catch up with what is happening.

After three and a half episodes, he gets the hang of the story. Turns out the shows is from Spain. The main protagonist of the show Elena just got into a car accident making her lose her memory. She could recognize almost everyone except her love interest, and now the mother of her love interest tries to buy off her parents. Everything is tangled up, but the show is oddly interesting, interesting enough for Off to heat up some popcorn to munch on in one of the commercial breaks. 

'Oh come on! You're better than that!' He said, seeing Elena's parents accept the money, he pops another popcorn into his mouth. The show is getting him all riled up, before he heard the doorbell rang. 

He waited for a couple more seconds, waiting for another one, thinking that it must have been a mistake. Who in their right minds would go and visit him at this time of the night. He raises his eyebrow when he heard it again, setting the bowl of popcorn on his center table before making his way towards the door, not without trying to take a peek onto what is currently happening at the show. 

Darn it just when things are getting so good some one just has to disrupt his peace and pay him a visit. He groans, losing sight of the television. He remembers that he should probably call someone to install a peep hole on his door for situations like this, he thought as he grips the door knob. Opening the door. 

He could feel his eyes widening as he sees the man who has been occupying his mind right in front of him, leaning on his door frame, still on his work clothes.

'Sir' Gun shot up, saluting him. The smell of smoke and alcohol reeks as Gun leans forward. 

'Gun, what are you doing here?' He asks, trying to get a good look at Gun. He opens the door wider before looking out to see if there are other people with Gun, just making sure. When he spots no one he looks down at Gun once again, its cheeks are flushed and his hair messy. His eyes are almost closed as he slurs. 

'I durn knorww' He said, making his way inside the place, without waiting for Off's permission.

Off reaches out to his arm to stop him, only for Gun to pull away. 

'Gun you have to go home, this is not your place' 

Gun looks back, glaring at him which scared him for a moment. Gun might be small but he looks intimidating when he's at this state. 

'Who are you to tell me that?' 

'I'm your boss and I'm asking you to please go home, come on, I'll drive you.' He reaches out once again, but Gun was fast to pull his arms away. 

'No!' he exclaimed making Off sigh. Off watches as Gun turns around slurring opening the doors he passes by until he reaches the bedroom. 

'Oh you're going to regret this tomorrow Gun' Off chuckles as he follows behind. He was about to stop Gun from opening another but before he even knew it, Gun is already plopped down on his bed. 

'Gun' He tried to call out, making his way besides his bed. Gun groans, hugging one of his pillows. Off reaches out for the comb on top of his bedside table, poking Gun with it, hoping to get some response other than just groans. When Gun stopped making weird noises, Off took that as a sign that Gun is now asleep. 'How could you fall asleep that easily?' He asks, poking Gun with the comb once again. When he didn't get a response, he figured that it's too late to convince Gun to go home. It's better to deal with this tomorrow.

He sighs, this is so bizarre. First he was just watching some Spanish telenovela, eating some popcorn and minding his own business and the next moment he's got the one that's keeping him up, on his bed, sleeping. Their lucky that Gun ended up on his apartment other than some creep's but it would have been easier for them if Gun just went straight home. 

This is not healthy for neither Gun nor his thoughts.

He reaches out for the comforter, setting it on top of Gun, before exiting the room. 

_Guess, I'm sleeping on the couch._ He thought as he patted down the same spot he was in earlier, he looks at the tv only to see that a lot has happened on the show and now Elena can remember but it was her love interest who got shot. 

Off breathes out, it really is hard to keep up. What the fuck. 

* * *

_Gun felt the cold droplets of rain hit his skin, making him shiver. How could he forget an umbrella at times like this? He has been walking for a couple of minutes now and his shirt is now clinging to his body, he seems to keep on moving forward but something keeps on pulling him back. He pants, trying to catch his breath before he saw a bright blue shed where he could take shelter on. He hurried his way towards it, looking around for a vehicle or even a person that could tell him where to go, because apparently after a lot of walking he still ended up on the same street. The same place where he started._ _He pulls on the shirt from his body as if that's going to help his situation while he impatiently taps on his foot._

_He looks at how the rain hits the ground. It's weird that the rain remains silent, only making a sound once it hit the pavement. Somehow Gun feels like that, he always finds it hard to find his own voice, sometimes it takes a little push to get him to express what he really want to say. He tried to find that push, only to shatter once hitting the ground. He sighs, the place is gloomy and fogs almost forming around him, which is so out of ordinary in Thailand but he really doesn't have the energy to ponder upon it. Still, no one is at sight._

_The air is crisp and the subtle smell of grass fills his nostrils. He just really wants to get home, but even just that seems impossible for now._

_Someone clears their throat behind him, taking him by surprise and making him jump on his feet. He looks back, only to be welcomed with a warm smile from someone so familiar yet he couldn't recognize. He racks his brain to try and remember a name but to no avail he just couldn't._

_The guy smiled at him, 'I have been looking for you since earlier, what are you doing here? And look,' the guy started, pointing on his shirt, 'You're soaking wet' The guys shook his head before opening his bright red umbrella and stepping out of the shed, 'Come on Gun, let's go home'_

_Gun looked at the other guy with confusion, tilting his head to try and understand._

_'Gun? Don't you want to go home?' The guy asks once again, taking a step away. Sorrow, evident on his face._

_'Gun come on, what are you waiting for?' The guy continued, taking another step away from him. Gun tried to answer but he couldn't seem to open his mouth, he could only look at the other guy. He traces its face with his eyes, trying to recognize._

_Trying to remember._

_'Gun'_

_Gun tried to take a step closer, but he couldn't move his feet. He watches as the guy walked farther and farther away from him._

_'Oab?' He asks, words suddenly spilling out of his mouth but the other guy is now far away. Far enough to not hear him anymore._

_'Oab!' He screamed, taking a step forward to follow Oab, but with every step forward is two steps backwards. He groans frustrated, as he watch the figure of Oab disappearing into the fog._

_'Oab! wait for me! Oab!'_

* * *

Off woke up to the sound of someone groaning, he fixes his shirt that rolled up from his cramped sleeping position. He stretches his body before standing up and making his way towards where the sound is coming from. For a moment he forgot who was in the room, but hearing the familiar voice uttering a familiar name is like cold water that has been splashed on his face. Off opens the door to check up on Gun, he stopped dead on his tracks when he hear that name once again.

 _'Oab'_ Gun moans out, squirming on his sleep. Off looks down at him. He almost looks peaceful if it wasn't only for the tears rolling down on the side of his face. 

_'Wait'_ Gun's voice croaked out and at that Off felt the familiar pull on his stomach. The familiar ache, like the cold welcoming him once more.

He sighs, brushing the hair from Gun's forehead. 

Gun looks so beautiful, like he didn't age since Off watched him play the piano in their college years, but the weight on Off's chest says otherwise. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I'm sorry it took a couple of days. I had my exams that's why hehe anyways I'm sorry for the grammatical errors you might have encountered, I'll try and edit this as soon as I can.


	13. 12: I have a dream, a song to sing, to help me cope with anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello this is going to be a short chapter for Jaylerr. :))

'You're home early' Jaylerr heard his roommate James called out from the living room. He took off his bright purple beanie as his shoes followed, the smell of Lysol disinfectant filled his sense of smell as he walks towards where his friend is. James must have done his weekly cleaning ritual, he has always been neat like that and to be honest that's one of the reasons as to why Jay preferred calling this small two-bedroom apartment his home rather than to his father's house. 

'Well yeah, our boss was in a great mood so he let us off early, how about you? Don't you have a class?' He answered as soon as he saw James sprawled out on the floor, playing video games. He sighs, setting down the street food he bought on his way home on their table. 

James shoots up as soon as he heard that question with his eyes widening, making Jaylerr chuckle, James always looks like an eager puppy whenever he has some gossip to tell. 

'Okay, okay, so we we're in the middle of our discussion when the alarm rang and every one freaked out, and by freak out I mean that everybody was tweeting about it, you know? Typical,' He stopped midsentence just to roll his eyes before he continues, 'So turns out someone reported that there was a gas leak and that everybody needs to get the fuck out and so we did, but get this' 

Jay nodded, urging James to carry on with his story while he reaches out for a stick of barbeque

'Once every one was out of the building and we were all standing on the filed, turns out it was just a lame practical joke to piss off our dean' James finishes telling his story, reaching out for the food that Jaylerr bought, but not before asking his usual question, 'Wait, where did you get this? Did you buy it from that old man by the corner of our street? Because you know I can't eat this from others.' He raises his eyebrow, looking at the pierced meat suspiciously.

'Yes, of course I bought that from him. Do you think I'm an idiot?' He smirks, biting on the one he chose from the bunch. 

'Do you really want me to answer that?' James made a face that tells Jay to just drop the topic. 

'No thanks, I'm good.' He shakes his head once more, after being friends with James and actually living with the guy for quite some time now, he got used to it's passive aggressiveness. James is just very particular to the things he likes and the things he doesn't, and Jay kinda appreciates that about him, at least he's honest. Well, sometimes, but those sometimes are enough for Jay.

'Oh, before I forgot.' James started, chewing the rest of the food in his mouth before continuing, 'When will you decide?' 

Jay felt his shoulders droop as he heard this question for the millionth time, 'What part of I've already decided don't you get?' 

'Uhm the part where you refused' He watches his friend scooch closer to him, 'Come on Jay, they sent you another letter for the second time. This chance doesn't just come for just anyone, why won't you just accept it' 

He sighs, brushing up the hair that has been falling on his forehead, 'Yeah well, I have to have money to go' 

James look at him like he just grew three heads and one tail, 'Are you actually dumb? I thought we were just joking' James stated, earning a glare from Jay before he pointed the barbeque stick towards him, 'You have money' 

'Uhm where?' He fired back, pretending to look around for it. 

Now it's James' turn to sigh at his friend's pride, 'What's wrong with asking your dad for help? If that's what it takes for you to be able to go to your dream school and study for your dream profession then so be it Jay, didn't he say that he's willing to help you?'

'It's not that easy and you know it' 

'Boo' James teased, raising a thumbs down to his friend. 'Don't you just love it when people with money say things like that?' 

'James'

'All I'm saying is, your brother lives on his own but he uses his brain at the same time, that is why he is not struggling with three part time jobs, a small apartment, and a pending dream.'

'Yeah, well I'm not my brother' He spat out before he even realizes, he breathes in trying to collect his thoughts before he continues, 'I'm sorry I just... I'm not like him okay? If working three jobs is the way to go for me, then so be it. I'll get there when I get there. Plus, what are you saying? I love it here. It's cozy.' He said finally, setting the stick onto the center table before leaning onto foot of the sofa. 

James stood up, brushing off his trousers before speaking once again. 

'I just want you to think about this okay? The chances of them sending another letter is slim to none Jay, so think about it and grow some balls' He winks before going inside his bedroom, leaving Jay sitting on the floor with a lot of life choices to weigh on his shoulders. 

If only he was still here, then at least there's someone to tell him what to do.

* * *

_**10 years ago** _

_'Off congratulations on getting the highest mark on your exams, what do you want for your birthday?' His mom said before drinking from her glass of wine. They got a call that Off got a perfect score on some of his exams so they decided to throw a little celebratory dinner for just them. Just family._

_'No, that's my job. Come on Off whisper to me what you would like and I'll make sure to get them for you' Their dad joked, pulling on Off, trying not to spill the information to his wife._

_Off laughs, getting tickled by how their dad holds his arm before he makes his way on his seat across Jay._

_'I don't really want anything for now' Off smiled sheepishly, setting down the table napkin on his lap._

_'Don't be shy Off, you've earned it.'_

_'Yeah, I'm sure you have something in mind'_

_'I really don't have anything at this moment.'_

_'Well okay then, just make sure to tell us once you have alright?'_

_Jay watches as his mom smiled at Off's achievements, he could only hope to see the exact smile for something he has done. He munches on the meat on his plate, listening to the words of praises their parents throws at Off._

_He knows it's going to be weird to not say anything right now so he tried his best to think of appropriate words to say after chewing on his properly, 'Congratulations, P' Off' He smiled, earning a smile back from his brother._

_'Thank you' Off answered back. He didn't have the opportunity to tease his brother when he heard their father speak._

_'You see that Jay? if you just press on to your studies, maybe exert a little more effort, then there's a chance that you'll end up like Off here' He stated, pointing his fork to Off._

_'Honey, he's doing good' His mom protested, patting down his hair._

_'He can do better' Their father answered sternly, making everyone pause for a minute. The words wasn't even the worst part it was the awkward silence that follows that makes things unbearable for Jay._

_Off clears his throat trying to think of a topic to divert everyone's attention without knowing that he'll only make it worse, 'I heard your band won first place last week, Congratulations to you too Jay' Off smiled, he could feel it being genuine but that's just not enough. Not enough for Jay to feel worthy of anything really._

_'Congratulations Dear, is there anything you would want to celebrate?' His mom smiled, trying to make him feel better._

_'It's okay, it's not that big of a deal anyway' He forced a smile, suddenly the meat on his plate is tougher than it was before and he couldn't get himself to swallow._

_The went quiet after that, almost deafening. The only thing they could hear is the sound of utensils clicking together along with their father's loud chewing sounds._

_Their cleared his throat before speaking, 'So Off, what would you like to major in in College? You only have a couple more years to think about it so you better start early. Just yesterday, the son of one of our board members dropped out and it turned into a huge mess, so if I were you it's better to that you think about it thoroughly.'_

_Jay blocked them out as soon as they started talking once again, it was this early on that he found out that he was indeed the other son._

* * *

_The night is cold but Jaylerr couldn't care less as he feels the swing going back and fort. After dinner he figured that he could go for a fresh air, and the nearby park seems like the ideal place for that. He can feel the cold metal against his fingers as he grips the chains of the swing. The smell of rust and dirt feels the air as he enjoys his own company, which unlucky ended right away when someone approached him, he was wearing a bright purple beanie and he got his hands in his pockets, scaring Jaylerr for a moment before he recognizes who it was._

_'What are you doing out here kiddo?' Oab smirks, taking a seat on the swing next to him._

_'You're only a couple of years older, you don't get to call me a kid.' He shakes his head at his brother's friend._

_'Damn, rough night?'_

_'You could say that' He doesn't really know why he's being honest when Oab might tell all these to his brother once he got the chance._

_'Why? Was it because of your brother? Tell me and I'll make sure to smack his head for you' He looks beside him, to see Oab smiling back. It was so inviting that the single string to hold things back was immediately cut._

_'Well kinda,' He paused, drawing circles on the sand beneath him with his feet, not knowing if he should continue but he knows that if he holds it all in, it will bite him in the ass in the long run. 'I'm just tired I guess' He admitted, seeing Oab nod on his seat, indicating that he is still listening._

_'I'm tired of always coming in second to everything, you know?'_

_'Being an only child, I could totally relate' Oab teased, winking at him, making him shoot daggers with his eyes._

_'Very funny' He rolled his eyes even though Oab probably won't see._

_They let the air come between them without anyone uttering a word. This feels safe, safer than being on his own room and calmer than being on his own. Jaylerr couldn't quite put a finger on it but he wants to have this moment as long as he could._

_'You're not always the second choice you know? I'm pretty sure that you only think that you are.'_

_He looks back at Oab who is already looking at him, waiting for him to continue._

_'But feeling like that is completely valid and take it from me it will end at some point.'_

_'How are you so sure?' He titled his head, observing the way Oab's face moves as he thinks of words to say._

_'I am not, but like what they say, as things start it will also end or some shit like that, I don't know' Oab chuckles, shaking his head. He really isn't fit to be a big brother. Jaylerr looks down at the ground looking at the sand that is now all over the place. 'How about this, you can start fresh once you get to college, that would only be a couple of years from now. Go and work hard until the time that you won't worry on where you place in their lives.' Oab stood up, looking down at him._

_'Yeah right, like I could do that.'_

_'Why not?'_

_Once again he was out of words to say, instead he just stood up, putting his hands on his pockets._

_'You're growing a lot faster kid, in just a couple of years you'd be taller than me' Oab said, ruffling his hair. 'Now come on, I'm treating you for some slushies. You deserve it, think of it as a celebration when your band won last week'_

_'You knew about that?'_

_'Of course, I was there.'_


	14. 13: My irregular heart beat is starting to correct itself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: disrespectful words towards someone who passed away.

'Where the fuck am I?' Gun squints, looking around his surrounding. The place looks nothing like neither his own bedroom nor Oab's, the windows are too huge for it to be somewhere he recognizes and the scent is awfully familiar but he couldn't put his finger on what it is. He looks down only to see that he's still wearing his clothes from yesterday which makes him feel safe for quite a moment, seeing that he didn't do anything that he would for sure regret, but that doesn't erase the fear that he still might have done something really fucking stupid last night. 

He stood up, not wanting to prolong this any longer, he figured that it would be better if he wouldn't meet the owner of the place this early in the morning. He didn't bother fixing the bed before he exits the bedroom, only to be welcomed by a familiar place that he visited for only once in the past. He closes his eyes before he massages his temple.

_Oh he recognizes this place alright._

The question now is, why the fuck is he in his boss' place? 

_Gun you've really outdone yourself this time._ He thought as he takes another step towards the living room, a part of him knows that leaving is probably the best option for him right now but a part of him is also driven with curiosity as to how Off is living on his own. So, in contrast to what he really wants to do, he ignored the small that is telling him to get the fuck out as he makes his way towards the common area. Nothing really seems out of the ordinary, except that the place is extremely neat for a person living by himself. 

Gun's gaze went towards the photos by the television. He smiled to himself after seeing Off in what he's assuming is his elementary school program where Off is dressed up as a sly fox. Off doesn't look any different with his tall figure for his age and his cheeky grin, his hair is a lot shorter than what he has at the moment and if Gun is not mistaken he still has his braces. He looks so cute trying to pose as what he thinks a fox would do. 

After basking on that past memory of Off, his eyes went on towards another photo, a photo that answered his assumptions. It's a photo of Off and the one he met moments ago, Jay. Off was holding a tennis racket over his head while Jaylerr is pointing his towards the camera, the both of them are sweating from head to toe but the smiles on their faces are sweet, making Gun's mind wander towards what their relationship really is. The next photo was a family photo, too formal for Gun's liking but he still took time to look at it. Off and Jaylerr are both sitting down, wearing suits and ties with their hair slicked back and behind them stood whom Gun assumes would be their parents. There's not a single smile at sight as all of them had their posture straight and their chins up. They look like any other well off family.

Gun sighs as his eyes wanders towards the last picture, he felt a pull on his stomach as he looks at Off with his arm around their chief marketing officer, Arm, with his college diploma on the other hand. His mouth was open, like he was screaming something but his eyes told Gun that what he was saying was a good thing. 

Gun swallowed the lump forming in his throat, it's probably a stupid idea to assume that he would see a glimpse of Oab with his childhood friends when he knows the fact that Oab hasn't been in touch with them even before Gun entered the picture, but he couldn't help but want to see Oab with a bright smile like Off and Arm on the picture. 

He sighs, he didn't even know that Off went to the same university as them. Well, it was a pretty huge campus for them to recognize each other but it wouldn't hurt to hear something about them from Oab. He wonders what would have happened if he got the chance to meet Oab's childhood friends. What would have had happen if they didn't fall apart or better yet, what was it that made them grew out of each other. Gun could only wonder. 

He breathes out, backing away and heading towards the exit before something caught his eye. It was a sticky note on posted on the door. 

_**See you at work.** _

Fuck, this is not going to be good.

* * *

'What do you mean you filled an official report?' Off raises his eyebrow at his friend who is looking smug in front of him. 

'Trust me, you're going to thank me on this one so you're welcome' Arm smirks, crossing his arm over his chest. Off didn't even think twice before reaching out to anything on his desk, lucky for Arm it was just tape, as Off chucks it towards him. 

'No, you don't understand, you couldn't have picked a much a more awkward situation to do this shit.' 

'What? Why? Okay, I know the first days of him being your secretary would be awkward but I really think that you should shoot your-'

'He spent the night in my place' Off admitted, making Arm stop on whatever he was about to say. 

'Oh, already?' Arm chuckles, sitting in front of his friend. 

'Not like that you idiot, he was drunk and I think he might have told the wrong address to whoever it was that drove him' Off shakes hi head, leaning all his weight on his office chair. 

'Oh, that's right. I complete forgot how much of a coward you are' Arm rolls his eyes, setting his elbows on top of Off's desk before leaning his head on it. 

'What do you expect me to do? You can't just do things because you want to, Arm. That is not how the world works' 

'Oh it for sure is, especially when you waited your whole damn life, Off. You absolutely can'

'He just died' 

'Yeah? Sucks to be him, I guess' Arm avoided his gaze, looking at somewhere else other than Off's. Trying to hide the annoyance that is now evident on his face. 

'Arm, don't say that' Off sighs, he appreciates Arm's efforts to somehow help him and for sticking by his side up until now but it really doesn't feel right to talk like this towards someone who just past away. 

'What?' Arm spats, his voice croaking as the events from the past came crashing back towards him. He just think that it's so unfair for Off to go through that, that's why he couldn't really help himself but see their former friend as someone in red.

'Don't speak of him that way, no matter whet he did he still deserves some respect at least' Off clasps his hands together, trying to make sense out of what he was saying.

'Did he respect you?' Arm looks back at Off once again, 'Because if he did he wouldn't have done what he did' 

Off sighs, why does he have to relive this part off his life over and over again. As if he didn't suffer enough. 'Still. No matter how much we hate someone there's gotta be some people out there that kept going because of them. So we don't get to judge. We don't get to do that.' an awkward silence engulfed them, with Arm sitting on the edge of his seat and Off tapping his foot towards the ground before Off decided to continue what he was saying. 

'He still misses him.' Off stated making Arm look back at him.

'You know he cried last night while uttering his name' He confessed, earning a nod from Arm, urging him to carry on with what he's saying. 'and it took everything from me you know? It's just really hard to see him like this. When I first saw him at the university, he was a person that just stood out of the crowd. It's like he gave a brand new energy in the boring library, that's why I even followed him in the first place. That's why I wanted pursue him, and now it pains me to see him look so lifeless. Oab might be the one that passed but it feels like he took Gun with him' Off rambled, after last night he just couldn't help but feel Gun fleeting away, so he didn't wait for Gun to wake up before he went to work, even when it's literally two hours earlier than his usual time. 

Arm took a deep breath as he looks at his friend who's deep in his thoughts, 'Don't you think that that's even more reason to be with him? Don't you think that maybe being with you could help him? I'm not a decent person' He chuckles, making Off smile a little bit before he continues, 'But I know this. I know you, Off, and you're not a quitter. So don't give up on him just yet, especially now that he need you more than ever' 

* * *

**_7 years ago_ **

_'Off you're shivering, what the fuck happened?' Arm asks, walking towards the chair where he puts his towel. He has no idea on why one of his friends suddenly barged in on his bedroom, soaking wet from the rain. It was only a couple minutes earlier that they were at the watching Gun perform at the closing event of their university week._

_When Off didn't reply he decided to ask again, 'Off? Are you okay? Didn't you bring an umbrella from earlier?'_

_'I don't have an umbrella' The way Off said that confused Arm even more, he doesn't know what it is, but something about this doesn't sit well with his spirit._

_'So, why didn't you just go home?' He raises his eyebrow in concern._

_'I don't have an umbrella Arm' Off spat, raising his voice as he repeated the words that he just said, nothing making sense even to himself since some parts of him are still processing on what he should do next._

_'Off, you're not making any sense' Arm shakes his head._

_'My umbrella was with Gun'_

_Arm tilted his head, confused to what just happened. If Off already talked with Gun then why does he look so defeated?_

_'Oh, so you talked to him already? Wow that was fast. How did it go?' Arm smiles, patting Off's shoulders._

_'No Arm, I lent Oab my umbrella and now it's with Gun'_

_'Off' Arm sighs, he's had enough of his friend speaking in codes that he couldn't understand. 'You lost me, what are you saying?'_

_Off looks up, looking at him directly in the eyes. 'What I'm saying is I think I lost my shot with Gun,' Arm couldn't reply as he waited for what Off is trying to say. 'I lost my shot to my bestfriend'_

_And suddenly Arm could understand, he could now understand why his friend couldn't form any coherent thought. He could now see why his friend is shivering and that it's not because of the rain. He now understands the look on Off's face._

* * *

'Ma'am is there really no way we could turn back from this?' Gun asks their human resource manager after he saw the memo from his desk that he would be transferred to another job starting today. The lady on the desk looked at him like she was so done with him when he just asked her to clarify. Damn, maybe instead of transferring him, maybe they should just fire her instead. 

She chews on her gun, making Gun's skin crawl. 'Mr. Phunsawat, this was a direct order. So, to answer her question, no, there is nothing we can do' 

Gun almost let out a groan if it wasn't just for the attitude the lady has been giving him. He didn't reply, instead he just waited for the proper transfer slip before walking away.

 _This is not happening right now, are you kidding me?_ He thought as he walks back to his now former cubicle. Out of all the days to bail on work because of a hangover, New chose this one. Now Gun doesn't have anyone to back him up. 

He grabbed the box set on top of his table before he lets out the groan he has been holding, it just doesn't make any sense as to why they would choose him. He groans once again before putting his things one by one in the box. He's not even sure if could do a good job at being a secretary but it's not like he could afford to find a new one right this instant if he were to seek for another job and he worked his ass off in this company for almost a decade so it wouldn't be easy for him to just leave. 

He groans for the third time, a record breaker for the amount of times he groans in less than five minutes, as he sees his things pilling up in the box. He doesn't have a lot of things to start with, seeing that he always wanted to keep his table neat so he sighs as he lifts the box and walking away from the scene he had been seeing for almost all his working life. 

He started walking towards the office that he keeps on visiting unhealthy often these days. As instructed, he saw a desk just right outside of his Off's office. He sets his stuff on top of the table before he saw the notice that was laid for him to read even before he finishes what he was reading he heard someone speak from behind him, startling him for a moment. 

'Welcome to your first day of being a secretary Mr. Phunsawat' He looks back only to see their chief marketing officer, who is also Off's friend as he confirmed in the photo, smiling back at him. 

Oh, this gotta be good. 

* * *

As soon as Mr. Chansook whom persisted to be called by his first name, Arm, left him alone, he figured that it's time to look around his desk. Trying to familiarize himself with the things already set for him to use. If it wasn't for the fact that he has done a couple of things that makes him feel awkward with Off as his boss, he would think that this is major step up compared to his former tiny space. The seat is more comfortable to his butt, and the leg room is so much more breathable for his short limbs. He sighs tapping on the files he has to learn not that he's literally starting from zero, he should start reading these soon so that he wouldn't make another awkward memory with Off. 

He wiggles his butt on his chair trying to get the feel of it before he notices something, the wall in right in front of his desk is full on tinted window. Why he noticed it only now just reminded him on how much time he spends zoning off while he's at work. He remembers to remind himself to check what it looks like from the inside when he's got the chance. He wants to give himself a couple of minutes to process what is happening before he started working on the papers in front of him.

He reaches out for a pen, to give his hands something to do when a familiar figure walks in front of him and like instincts he stood up to bow his head to his boss. After a couple of seconds he looks up to see Off nodding his head at him without any expression on his face, making Gun shudder for a moment. He completely forgot what happened last night by the intimidation he got from seeing Off. He couldn't quite figure it out but by the moment he knew that Off was the son of their CEO, the atmosphere between them completely shifted. He was not the Off he had brunch with or a couple bottles of beers with. 

He was Mr. Adulkittiporn, the one who's going to inherit this company. His boss. 

'Good Afternoon, Sir' 

Off nodded once again, acknowledging his presence before going inside his office, not uttering even a single word. Maybe keeping things professional is not so bad after all. 

_I can do this._ Gun thought before he sits down once again, this time completely determined to start his work.

With Off's aura, he might not want to mess with that. 

* * *

Off looks at the guy at the office outside, he understands that Arm just wants to help him but it's not even an hour since Gun started working as his secretary for him to know that this is going to be pure torture for him, seeing that Gun's table is directly in front of his office, and it's not helping that the wall between them is a tinted mirror, which mean he could see Gun clear as day. 

He groans pulling on his hair, how do they expect him to work now? But if he's going to put the blame on someone, there is no one he could think of but his dramatic friend, Arm and the fact that he was also the one who designed this office is just adding fuel to the fire.

His eyes wander back to Gun. He had to blink twice as soon as he saw what Gun is doing. Dejavu. It took him everything that he has not to pinch himself just to make sure that he is not dreaming.

Gun is now munching on some mini m&m's, one of them rolled out of his palm onto his table, he looks around him to see if any one saw him before he pops it back into his mouth and at that moment Off almost et out a deep breath. One which he didn't know he was holding all these years. 

The one he saw for the first time is still there inside of the current Gun, and now he knows for sure. Maybe second chances aren't too good for him to grasp anymore.


	15. 14: Eyes bright, uptight, just Gun

Gun is a very attentive person, he knows that he excels in things that he puts his mind to and that he is also very patient. He's easy to work with and is very considerate with his co-workers. He is also very teachable because he works really hard, seeing that he pours almost all of himself towards his job. But there is one thing that Gun is definitely not.

He is not fit for this fucking job. Like, what do they expect from someone who is literally trained for another job for about almost ten years? 

'New, please just pull me out of this' He groans. After almost a week of working as Off's secretary he often find himself spending his lunch in New's office, it might not look like it but it's like he just decided to make this place his safe heaven from all the toxicity from his job. Well, if toxicity is the right word to even describe it.

New sighs, flipping through the pages of the report his new SEOE, 'You know that I would if I could, right? Like, look at this report from that guy that replaced you' he said pointing on the red marks he made for the past hour of looking at the monstrosity 'He couldn't even get this right, are you kidding me? You were my best SEOE Gun and now I'm left with this newbie that I have to train from literally zero' 

'Have you tried negotiating with them? I think that would benefit the both of us' he asks even though he already knows the answer. New rolls his eyes at him which just proves that Gun is right and that New is a minute away from kicking him out of his office if he don't stop with the questions. 

'I've already told you, I did, but it seems like it was Mr. Chansook that asks for you personally' 

Gun throws his head back, groaning. 'They're really dumb for doing that' 

'Just, suck it up for now and if there's a chance to pull you back to your old job, then let me see what I can do' New shuts the folder, giving up on the half-assed report that he knows Gun would never do even when he was still new to his job. New leans on his seat before asking. 'Is it that toxic? Is he hard to work with?' 

'No, it's not that. He doesn't even for more than a sentence so honestly I don't really know how describe how he is'

'What? I heard he's very approachable and he looks very involved in our meeting the other day' 

'Yeah right, yesterday he asked me to go get him a cup of coffee and that's it for the rest of the day' This time it's his turn to roll his eyes. He can't believe Off and how he's acting right now. Maybe because he didn't really expect it from the same guy was screaming on top of his lungs when slightly intoxicated. He understands that it's hard for the both them since seeing each other just reminds them of the things that is haunting them but it's not like Gun asks to be in this position either. 

'Only you would complain about not having enough things to do' New chuckles, reaching out on the candy bar on top of his desk, he feels like his sugar level just dropped after trying to comprehend that report. 

'Because, I'm getting paid for what? lounging around? I think I can do better than that' 

'Well maybe he just wants to take it easy with you right now since you're new to the job and all, you know? maybe he's letting you adjust' New tried to make an excuse out of it to calm Gun's nerves, or at least try to. 

'That won't let me adjust and you know it, I need to do stuff to be able to get my groove on. Plus, where's the growth in this? You know that I like to challenge myself with work and honestly this just feels like a major step back for me.' 

_I need the distraction and to be able to do that I need to be occupied with a lot of things._ He thought but decided to keep to himself since it's really not the time to talk about that other part of his concerns. 

'I'm sorry that this is happening to you but right now we don't really have much of a say, that's if you choose to stay in this company' New gave him a suggestive look, making him scoff. 

'Oh please, like I could leave this?' He answered sarcastically, motioning to his surroundings, 'Like I could leave you?' 

New makes a face at him before munching on his snack, 'Yeah right, for all I know you're the one spreading those nasty rumors about me' New smirks, making up a fake scenario.

'Is it that obvious?' Gun pretends to be shocked, widening his eyes. 

'Okay, you're done here. Get out.' New shoo him away, before opening his laptop. 

'Nooooo, don't send me back there' 

'This is not the same Gun that I once knew' New laughs, shaking his head. 'Now go back to your rathole so I can actually work' 

Gun sighs standing up, before heading towards the door. 

'Oh and Gun?' New called back, making him stop on his tracks. 

'Hmm' 

'Try talking to him if it's bothering you that much. I don't think he goes around biting people' New raises his eyebrows 

'Well we're not sure about that ' He breathes out before completely shutting the door behind him.

He sighs, he knows that New is right. Communication in work is not a one way street anyway. Now he just have to figure out hoe he would get the courage to do so. 

* * *

_I just need to talk to him and that's it._

_It's not disrespectful, it's called being professional and if he can't deal with that then that's his problem, the important thing is I tried._

_It's only going to be awkward if I let it be, right? Nothing could possibly go wrong._

He fixes his tie, standing upright as he cleared his throat before he twisted the door knob.

_Here goes fucking nothing._

'Good Afternoon Sir'' He started, standing next to the door and forcing out a smile. Off looks up from his computer before raising his right eyebrow and if Gun is not flustered enough he would have noticed how good Off look in his maroon suit and his grey neck tie but Gun's mind is filled with ways on how he would try and ask Off to make him do something. 

'Yes?' Off asks, his eyeglasses sliding off the bridge of his nose one again. 

'Do you need me to do anything Sir?' He finally asks, trying to be so casual about it. 

'Not that I know of' Off shrugs, pushing eyeglasses back in place. 

Gun took a step closer, this is not going to do, if they're going to pull him out of his busy job then they better maximize his potential. 

'How about something to eat Sir? I could go and get you something' 

'No thank you, I just had lunch' 

Gun felt his blood rushing towards his head as he fights the need to groan. Seriously? why would he even want to have a secretary in the first place. This is so frustrating. 

'Sir, I don't want to come off as someone disrespectful and all, and I also don't want to disrupt your work but please tell me if you need anything because as a business man I think that it's just right for you to maximize my pay' 

'Duly noted' Off answered coldly before Gun nodded, turning around and walking towards the door but as his back faces Off he couldn't help but roll his eyes slightly, the frustration is really getting into his head. 

'Gun?' Off called back. Gun fixed a smile before turning back around. 

'Yes Sir?' 

'I don't really appreciate it when someone rolls their eyes after talking with me. I might assume that that person is annoyed me, which you are not, right?' Off smirks, seeing Gun look back to the mirror besides the door. 

_Really Gun? How dumb can you get?_

He closes his eyes before bowing his head, 'I'm sorry Sir, it won't happen again'

'Oh and if you're going to memorize your lines before entering please do it somewhere else' 

Gun could feel his cheeks heating up, remembering the minutes he spent outside of the Off's office door from earlier. 

'Right, will do. Is that all Sir?' He asks. When he saw Off nod with that smug look on his face, he turns around before completely going out. 

_fuck._

* * *

'Josh?' 

New looks up to see their digital artist walking towards him, he really won't let him forget that won't he?

'What?' He spat, glaring the guy that is now looming over his table. He was about to protest on the name Tay had just called him but he figure that his energy won't be able to handle it. Oh trust that he tried a couple of times but Tay just doesn't look like he'll let it go anytime soon or even up until he's working in here. So, for the sake of his peace and his mental health he just lets it be. 

'I need you to look at his first draft of the page layout so that I could adjust the design from there' Tay put the flash drive on top of New's table. 

'Okay, I will send you the notes and corrections maybe by the day after tomorrow' New nodded, getting back on what he was doing from earlier, expecting Tay to just walk out and leave him alone but to his surprise, the other guy just pulled a chair, sitting in front of him. He raises his eyebrow, shooting Tay with a questioning gaze. 

'What? Do you have any concerns?' He asks, seeing Tay lean his head on top of the table, looking up at him. 

'No, No I think I'm good' Tay shakes his head, adjusting his body to get a more comfortable sitting position. 

'Then why are you still here?' 

'Oh nothing, don't mind me I just feel like you'll need someone to inspire you while you're working' Tay smiled, like he's giving New a favor by being in here.

'Huh?' New looks up, pretending to think. 'I don't remember getting inspired by someone irrelevant before' New copied Tay's smug face, trying to mock him which didn't work seeing that Tay's smirk just widened. 

'Oh I'm sorry' Tay raises his arms in surrender, 'I just didn't think that I was someone irrelevant by the way you screamed that night, my bad' 

'Okay, are you seriously going to do this right now?' New didn't even try to hide how annoyed he was. Plus, when did his office became people's so to place in their free time. 

Tay shrugs, answering him with a face that says that he won't stop annoying him until he's energy is drained. 

He sighs, 'This is really unprofessional, Mr. Vihokratana, be thankful that you're done with the first draft and I am legally oblige to go through with this because if you aren't then I wouldn't hesitate to find anothe-' 

'Go out with me' Tay stated nonchalantly, taking New by surprise. 

'What? Are you out of your mind?' New exclaimed, more hysterically than how he'd intended it to be. 

'Not that I know of' Tay trailed, smiling to New 'If I'm going crazy then don't you think that I wouldn't be aware? like you don't see people going around saying that they've lost it, they just do. Okay I'm gong way off the topic. How about we go out this weekend, your call to wherever' 

'Wait, let me think about it' New rolled his eyes, tapping his chin with his pointer finger. 'No' 

'You sure? I don't think you're sure about that' Tay clicked his tongue while shaking his head. 

New sighs, 'Please just get out. I have tons of work to do so I don't have the luxury to talk with delusional guys' 

'Oh, so you think that talking with me is a luxury?' Tay tilted his head, he's enjoying the look on New's face more than he probably should. 

'That's what you get from that? Are you dumb?' New asks, completely ignoring the fact that this won't help him look good as a SEO supervisor. 

'Just promise me that you'll think about it, I'm going to expect an answer by Friday' Tay stated before standing up

'Oh so we're making promises now? Why would I even consider going out with you?' He answered, a little harsh but that's nothing compared to what he's capable of and he's doing anything he could think of to hide that fact that he's getting swayed by how Tay smiles at him.

'Because I'm me and you're you, do we really have to have a reason?' Tay smiled before finally going out of door, leaving New rethinking every single decision he's ever made this whole damn year. 

* * *

'So you're saying that you're just being an asshole, that's your shtick?' Arm asks Off, before hitting the ball with his tennis racket. 

'No, do you actually think that I'm doing it on purpose?' Off wipes the sweat off of his forehead after hitting the ball back to his friend. 

'Oh child why don't you learn' Arm shakes his head, after hearing about Off being just like he's college self. 

'Wow that's coming from you, the guy who took almost a whole year to get over his last ex' Off chuckles, trying to quicken his steps when Arm started hitting the ball more intentionally. 

'That's what I was saying, you've been with other people before. Why don't you just do that right now?' 

'That is not what you were saying' Off shakes his head in disbelief before he continues, ' But I don't know, I just, I'm having a hard time thinking of words to say when I'm with Gun' 

'That is not the same Off, who's the future CEO of G&M telecommunications and that is most definitely not the same guy who used to get partners almost every other month' Arm reminded, when they got off of college it was his phase to experiment with relationships and whatnot. 

'That was not me, that was' he trailed off, thinking of ways to get him out of the hot seat. 'Okay, that was me' He said when he couldn't really think of any logical excuse and he couldn't really blame those decisions to anyone but himself, he heard Arm laugh at him before he continues. 'But that's different' 

'How is it different? They're all human being with feeling and emotions but you don't usually do this with them' 

'They're not Gun' He admitted, making Arm stop from going after the ball as they watch it hit the wall from behind Arm, bouncing back towards them. 

It took a couple of minutes before Arm started laughing.

'What? What's so funny?' He asks before walking towards the ball and serving it again. 

'This' Arm answered, completely ignoring the ball now and just focusing on his friend and his dilemmas. 'You're in big trouble dude' Arm smirks before walking towards the empty bleachers in which they put their water bottles. 

'What do you mean I'm in trouble? You're the one who is putting me up to this' Off followed close behind, hi t-shirt clinging to his back due to sweat. 

'Oh please, we all know that you like having him around, because if you're completely opposed to the idea then you could easily just decline. You're the one who's' making all the call after all' 

Off hates to admit it but Arm is right, it's not like he's being forced in this situation. He just wants someone or something to blame if things doesn't really go as planned and he knows it. He took a seat to the lowest step of the bleacher with Arm mimicking him with seating next to him. 

'You're right, I'm in deep shit' 

'Oh that sounds nice. Off Jumpol saying that I'm right is not something you hear everyday' Arm jokes, bumping his shoulder with Off. 

'That's the last time I'm ever going to say it so don't flatter yourself' He fired back, leaning his arms on the cold cement of the step they're sitting on, stretching his back. 

'Could just record it one time? I really want to make it my ringtone' Arm teased, looking towards Off. Their laughs echoed on the empty court before silence overtook them. 

'Enough about my non-existent love life, let's talk about yours for once. When are you planning on settling down?' Off wiggles his eyebrows, groaning when Arm elbows his sides.

'If yours is non-existent then what would you call mine?' Arm rolled his eyes. 

'Seriously until now you don't see anyone you're interested with? It's been like what? A year and a half since your last?' 

Arm fixes his posture before answering, 'Well I'm thinking of just focusing on my career for now' He boasted before hearing Off snort from beside him. 

'And how is that going for you? If this is you focusing then damn, I wouldn't want to be there when you decided to take it easy' 

Arm makes a face to Off, 'I'm serious. I think I need to just focus more on the things that really matters' 

'Right' Off drags the word, mocking his friend. 'So video games is what matter most?' When Off said that Arm didn't change even just a bit he means that he literally didn't change at all, he's still addicted to playing video games even now that he's a full grown adult. It baffles Off on how he finds time to balance both really. 

When Arm didn't reply, he took as an opportunity to continue, 'Is it really that or are you just waiting for someone to comeback?'

'Is there really? Is there someone who's willing to come back?' Arm asks, a sad smile lingering on his lips. Off reaches out tapping Arm on the shoulder, squeezing it. 

'This is not fun, let's talk about your fucked up life now, I'm done with this' Arm continues, earning a laugh from Off. 

You see, there are people who are gone completely and there are people who are just distant and will comeback once the time is right and that everything is perfectly aligned. 

Arm is just hoping she's the latter. 

* * *

Gun woke up feeling hopeful that today he's going to feel fulfilled with his work performance because to be honest that's what fuels him these days and after the day that he told Off about his concerns there has been an evident improvement with how he treats him but that doesn't mean that it's completely different. He still has to walk on eggshells when he's with Off and test the waters before doing something. Right now, he just settled with asking Off if he needs something on a regular basis instead of waiting to be asked as well as initiating things, which is probably a good thing for him more than to anyone. 

He walks towards his table, clearing the unnecessary clutter that he made from yesterday before he heard the phone ring, he was momentarily startled before he answered it. 

_'Hello, this is Gun Phunsawat speaking for Adulkittiporn's office, how may I help you?'_

_'Hello Gun, this is me, can you bring the campaign proposal on my desk to the address that I'm going to email you. I think I'm going late because of traffic and It's better to have someone there to assure them that we are coming rather than to have them blindly waiting'_ Off commanded from the other line. 

_'Yes Sir, I'm on it'_ He smiled though he knows that no one could see him. Finally, something to get his hands on. 

_'Okay thank you'_ Off said before dropping the call. 

Maybe this job isn't that bad after all. 

* * *

'What is this? Does he expect us to wait around all day?' 

'I'm sorry Ma'am, Mr. Adulkittiporn is on his way, the traffic is just unexpectedly heavy today' Gun tried to explain, fighting the urge to wipe the spit that is now on his face from the one screaming in front of him. Just when he thought that he's job is actually getting better, boy how wrong was he. The moment that he sets foo on the location that Odd sent him he could already tell that the atmosphere is heavy. 

'How long do you want me to wait Mr.' She asks before looking at his name tag that was pinned over his left chest, 'Mr. Phunsawat?'

'I assure you that it wouldn't take longer than ten minutes, Ma'am' He answered. Gun has always been good with handling people, that is why he found his common ground with New in the first place given that New is nowhere near easy when it comes to work but there is just something so degrading with how this woman is staring him down and troublesome with how she's screaming so loud this early in the morning. 

'Ten minutes? Do you know how much money it would cost me with just waiting around? How dense could you get?' She raises her eyebrow before crossing her arms on her chest. This is the last thing that Gun needs today. 

There goes the hope of having a great day at work today. 

'I'm sorry ma'am, let me see what I can do'

'You're just planning on doing something right now? After all those minutes that you could have done something? God!' She exclaimed, making the other people from the studio to look their way. Gun could feel the stares boring holes on his face along with the heat rushing towards his ears 'I thought they only hire competent people in G&MT, I guess not huh' 

'I am terribly sorry again Ma'am' He apologizes, bowing his head before thinking of ways to solve the situation. 'Let me just call him and I'll-' 

'No need' A voice from the back says, making Gun let out the breath that he was holding. Thank God, he's here because he couldn't really think of anything else to do.

'Mr. Adulkittiporn' The woman who was screaming at him suddenly smiled, changing her voice into a much lighter one, every word dripping with fakeness. 'I'm glad you're here now, how about we go over to my office to discuss this through.' 

Off nodded not sparing Gun a glance before following the woman closely behind. 

Gun could already feel that he's in quite troubles, seeing that Off didn't even acknowledge his presence but at least the moment is done. He's going to face the consequences once he gets to it.

He sighs, sitting on one of the benches at the far corner of the studio. 

* * *

After waiting around for only about thirty minutes, he finally saw the familiar figure walking out of the room they went in. This time he's alone. Gun stood up almost immediately before following Off towards the parking lot. The atmosphere radiating from Off makes him feel uneasy, there is definitely something wrong. Since he rode a cab to get here, he just followed Off towards the car to see him off before calling for another cab to got back to their office. 

Off opens the door from the back seat without saying a word to Gun, settling on the right side.

'I'll see you at the office Sir' Gun said, before attempting to close the door. 

'Get in' Off looks back at him and with that look, Gun knows that he's not in the position to decline the offer so he complied by getting in and sitting besides hi boss. When the car started moving, Gun found himself unable to say anything, even just to simply apologize for what has happened. He doesn't think that it's entirely his fault but maybe he could have done something to ease the situation, that's his job after all.

Normally he's not that intimidated with Off, since the guy is lively and chill most of the times and that he never really had the chance to see this side of Off until now but right now he has to admit that he's a little scared to even utter a single word. He puts his hands over his legs, clasping them while waiting for Off to say something but that didn't happen, instead he saw Off reaching for his phone before pressing it on his ears. 

'Find another art director for the campaign and make sure to screen them properly next time' Off said dryly to whoever it is he was talking to. Gun felt shives running down his spine at the way Off said that. He's curious as to why Off called it off with the one from earlier, maybe that woman from earlier annoyed him too when they talked in her office, or maybe she's just not that good at what she does. Nevertheless, she deserves to be cut off, Gun couldn't help the smile creeping on his face. 

Can someone please remind him not to get on Off's nerves, that would be great. 


	16. 15: if you're too shy, let me know.

'Ten minutes? Do you know how much money it would cost me with just waiting around? How dense could you get?' 

Off tightened his grip on the doorknob as soon as he heard the silence that followed the last statement. He was warned about the attitude problem of this certain art director but he did not expect things to escalate to this, this early. A part of him feels guilty for dragging Gun into this this but he didn't really have a choice when he was welcomed by the overwhelming traffic, he knows that it would be better to take his chances and send Gun earlier than to not have anyone waiting at all, unfortunately now he’s starting to regret his choices. He hoped that nothing horrible would happen while he was still on the road, but hearing how things got right now makes him think that the things he didn't want to happen, did.

Even worse. 

He sighs, listening to every word from the exchange next room, before he twisted the door knob. The tension inside the room as soon as he walks in grew stronger pushing him on edge. He didn't waste anymore time to look around, not even to meet Gun's eyes.

The sooner that this is over, the better. 

'Mr. Adulkittiporn' The woman that was just screaming her brains out awhile ago says to him in a very calm tone, her fake smile makes his blood boil even more as he waited for what the woman would say next. 

'I'm glad you're here now, how about we go over to my office to discuss this through.' 

He nodded, before following the woman back to what he assumes is her office. If this was any other company, he would have walked away as soon as he heard what he heard earlier but because he was informed that this was one of the best art directors and studio out there and the other board members really wants to have this collaboration, he forced himself to at least hear her out. 

As soon as the door closes, he takes the time to look around the office. You know you could really see what type of person you're dealing with base on how they organize their stuff and like how he assumed it to be, her office is as tacky as her personality. There's no surprise there. 

'So, shall we start?' She asks, clasping her hands. Every single sound that comes out of her makes Off’s ears ring, and not the good kind.

Off nodded, it's really hard for him to talk and conceal his annoyance at the same time so he just decided to make as little words as possible. He doesn't even fucking care if she thinks that he was being rude, she lost that privilege as soon as she opened her mouth from earlier. 

She cleared her throat, there's just something with the way Off looks at her that gets her nerves riled up. 'I figured that for the campaign, we should organize this charity event that showcases-' 

Her words rolled out of Off's right ear as soon as it entered the left, making Off almost roll his eyes. Her plan is not even as good as how people described it, it's not something Off didn't already hear. It's the same plan all over. A charity event can be done in many different ways but base on what Off is hearing, this one isn’t even original.

This is bad, not only did she screamed at one of his people, ruining his morning in the process but she would actually present this overly-done-and-extremely-unoriginal plan of hers?

 _‘No, not on my watch’_ Off thought before he sighs, cutting her off. 'That's enough, thank you' 

'But' 

'I said that's enough, we'll call you,' Off said firmly, faking a smile and standing up from his seat before walking back towards the door. 'and by the way,' He stopped on his tracks, looking back at the woman. 

'We only hire competent people in G&M telecoms, so maybe you should update your portfolio and maybe get some fresh ideas instead of screaming at other people' He said flatly before completely exiting the room. 

_What a mediocre bitch._

* * *

After going back to the office, Gun couldn’t help but feel nervous about how Off didn’t utter a single word along the way. It’s new to him since his former supervisor, New, never shuts up. He says everything on his mind, even sometimes a little too much. He sighs, knocking on New’s office door. He hear a groan as soon as he opens the door to take a step inside.

New rolls his eyes, ‘You people should really stop treating my office as a rehabilitation center and get the fuck out’ He protested, seeing Gun sit plop on his mini sofa.

‘What?’ He spat when Gun didn’t even bother looking up at him.

‘What? I can’t come here now?” Gun raises his eyebrow, pretending to not know anything about it.

‘Cut the crap, I heard about what happened earlier’

Gun shot up from his laying position, looking at New who is now smirking smugly at him. How the hell did the news travel that fast? Wow this people really have an unbelievable talent when it comes to gossip.

‘That art director really is a bitch, her reputation says it all, so if you’re worrying about that don’t, it’s probably not your fault’ New assures him without even confirming if that’s really his dilemma. Well, it is, but that was so anticlimactic.

‘You think? I mean, I feel like Mr. Adulkitiporn is mad at me’ He sighs, letting it out for once.

‘I’m pretty sure he’s not.’ New stated looking down at the papers he was signing from earlier, not paying Gun any more attention than what he’s giving. ‘Plus, you don’t have to worry about her, I heard he didn’t sign the contract-’

‘Wait, what?’ He asks, shock evident on his face.

‘Were you really there? As in mentally present? Be honest.’

‘Well yeah I heard him taking a call after, but to be honest I didn’t really pay that much attention to it, I thought he was just expanding his options’

New looks at him like he’s regretting even knowing him. Gun tried his best to not laugh at New’s face right now but he ended up failing anyways when he saw New pursing his lips.

‘How did you know anyway?’ He asks, he’s really curious as to how New heard about everything.

‘I just, I have my ways’ New waves his hand, dismissing him. ‘Now why don’t you go back to what’s really important which is uhm’ New paused, pretending to think before he continues. ‘Your job’

‘You know, maybe this is why you’re having all these problems, because most of the times you’re not actually working’ New added, making Gun laugh a loud.

‘Fine, I’m going back. Your loss’ Gun winked before walking out of the room.

* * *

****\- wash the bitter morning away.** **

Gun is having a hard time breathing as he stares at the pack of mini m&m’s on top of his table with a sticky note on top. He doesn’t know if this was for sure from Off since the news kinda traveled faster than how he expected it to be, so it could be from anyone, but a part of him really wants to believe that this was from his boss.

He couldn’t help the smile creeping onto his face as he plucks the note from it, settling it onto one of his drawers.

He really thinks that everything will be better, even his performance in work, when they just break the wall of awkwardness that wasn’t even there when they met for the first time. It’s funny how much they’ve changed in just a span of months of knowing about each other.

He took a moment to just stare at the pack of candy in front of him. He’s such as shallow person that little things really gets to him. Seeing this, after stressing out for a moment, makes him feel warm.

He appreciates the small things. 

You know what? maybe it was him that was the problem. Maybe Off just felt awkward because he made it awkward. Enough about waiting around, it wouldn’t kill him to initiate a friendlier atmosphere right?

He took a deep breath, walking towards the office door that is separating him from Off. He doesn’t know where he got this courage but even before he knows it he was inside of Off’s office already.

Off looks back towards the door as soon as he heard it close from behind him, taking Gun by surprise as his hair is all ruffled up and his tie is quite loose.

Off really is an attractive person, Gun thought, and if he is not panicking by the fact that he was in front of his boss he would’ve commented on it.

He tried to smile awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck, the regret is starting to creep into his system as he tries to think of the right word to say.

‘Yes?’ Off raises his eyebrow.

‘Do you want to grab some lunch maybe?’

* * *

Gun looks at the chicken and waffles in front of him, getting mushier every minute. He really didn’t think this through, what would he even say in front of Off? He pierced the chicken with his fork, before nibbling on it. He could feel Off’s eyes on his as he do so, making him look up with the chicken still in his mouth.

‘So uhm, how do you like your new job?’ Off started, God he really hates small talk.

‘I’m getting the hang of it, but I’m still curious as to why you pick me for the job’

‘Honestly, I didn’t know at first’ Off chuckled, trying to ease the tension. ‘but when I heard that it was you that they are planning on putting in that position, I figure that it is not bad to work with someone I already know’ he lies, he couldn’t bring himself to admit that this was all a part of Arm’s scheme.

‘Oh’ Gun nodded before something crosses his mind. ‘So, how am I doing so far?’ He asks after dipping another piece of chicken on the syrup.

‘I think you’re great’ Gun could feel his ears heating up as he saw Off smiling back at him. There’s something about how Off looks at him that encouraged him to smile back.

‘Really? I get that a lot’ He jokes, earning a cough from Off choking on his food.

‘Yeah, you do’ Off smirks, widening his eyes to mock Gun.

Gun chuckles, reaching for his drink before sipping on it, looking at how things are going he can say that his plan is working.

‘But New would say otherwise’ Gun added, there really is nothing to talk about but also a lot. He has yet to figure it out.

‘Why?’ Off asks nonchalantly, digging on his mountain of food from the buffet.

‘He says I spend too much time away from my post to actually work’ Maybe Gun should stop exposing his work habits to his boss voluntarily.

Off smiles, he could see that, ‘Yeah, you should really start taking your job seriously or I might be forced to fire you’ Off jokes smiling to himself, when Gun didn’t reply he looks up only to see the fear in it’s expression.

Damn, he forgot that he wasn’t talking to Arm.

‘I’m joking, by the way’ He clarifies. Gun lets out the longest sigh before chuckling with Off.

‘But seriously, if you need me to do anything please just tell me upfront, because there are instances that I might get the wrong idea’ Gun surprised himself by how easy he said that, the balls of him to request something like that to Off. He could only hope that Off wouldn’t take it as something disrespectful, because that was not his intention at all. Judging from Off’s expression, he didn’t take it otherwise.

‘Well in that case’ Off started, wiping the side of his mouth with a napkin. ‘Gun, I want you to start working closer to me’

Gun’s heart stopped, maybe due to intimidation or fear or maybe excitement, he doesn’t know, but he decided to push the topic more.

‘Is there anything closer than this?’ He asks, referring to their work situation now. Well he is his secretary after all, there is nothing closer than that, right?

Off tilted his head, looking at directly at Gun’s eyes, ‘Well I don’t know exactly, but I guess we’ll find out’

* * *

The crisp afternoon air hugs Gun’s figure as he walks by the sidewalk, he doesn’t know why but Off insisted that they walk to ease their bloated tummies, it’s a challenge for Gun to eat on a buffet with Off because the man really doesn’t know when to stop munching on food.

He may have gained a couple of pounds from just that, he pats his tummy before turning the corner with Off. He could already feel the food coma that is coming his way.

‘Don’t you just love that place, it is very affordable and the food is just sooo good’ off moaned out, earning a laugh from the both of them which Gun instantly regrets, laughing is not the best option for him right now that his stomach is just screaming for help.

‘I know, that place never seize to amaze me. Their chicken tenders are so good’

Off looks at his side only to see Gun slowing down with his strides, he smiles, slowing down his steps.

‘And their egg rolls are just bomb-’ he tried to answer before he got caught off guard by an unexpected sound.

‘Did you just?’ Off asks, trying his hardest not to laugh out loud.

‘No’ Gun shook his head, before looking down at the floor.

‘You just farted’ Off stated flatly, his cheeks are starting to hurt from refraining his laughter.

‘No I didn’t, it was a busted engine somewhere’ Gun tries to excuse himself and like a trigger that ‘s all that it took to make Off laugh loudly.

‘A busted engine doesn’t smell like that and there’s no car around’ he teased even though he really didn’t smell anything because the air is blowing against them. He laughs even harder, clutching his stomach after seeing Gun turn red.

‘Whatever’ Gun rolls his eyes, walking faster than Off, just to get this over with.

‘I’m sorry that you’re getting shy because of your fart it must have been because of the airy waffles’ Off pushes after easily catching with Gun’s pace.

‘What are you twelve?’ Gun stopped walking, crossing his arms over his chest.

Off fake a gasp before he clutches his chest, ‘You’re saying that about your boss?’ He shakes his head disapprovingly.

‘Not outside the office, you’re not’

‘I don’t think that’s how it works’

Gun groans, continuing his way, hearing Off holler from behind him.

‘Hey, If you’re too shy you could just let me know, alright?’ Off laughs, once again following Gun.

* * *

‘Did you have a nice lunch, Mr. Phunsawat?’ Arm asks, smirking after seeing his friend walking outside of the elevator with Gun.

Gun nodded but his expression said otherwise before he went straight to his desk, triggering Arm’s curiosity even more as he follow Off inside of his office.

‘What’s up with him?’ Arm didn’t waste anytime asking for details as soon as the door closes behind him. He raises his eyebrow after seeing Off with a wide smile on his face, ‘Scratch that, what’s up with you?’

‘What? Nothing’ Off shakes his head, starting up his computer, completely ignoring his friend who just took the seat in front of him.

‘Okay lover boy, whatever you say’ Arm whistles, spinning on the chair. Off nodded, typing his password before checking up on all the things he has left to do today. It’s great that there isn’t much more to do because he doesn’t really know how he will focus without thinking about Gun.

When Arm didn’t budge from his seat, Off looks up to asks, ‘What are you still doing here’

‘Waiting for you to tell me what happened, what else would I do?’

Off groans, there is no point in arguing with a curious Arm and since he doesn’t really have anything else to do, maybe he could spare it some time, he has to let it out sooner or later anyway.

‘Nothing much happened, so don’t get your hopes up’ Off shakes his head, leaning all of his weight on his chair.

‘Yeah right, that’s why you two are redder than the fucking insides of a watermelon’

‘Trust me it’s not what you’re thinking’ Off confirmed, laughing to himself as he remembers what happened from earlier.

Arm looks at him weirdly before asking once more, ‘Was it that worth it? I mean, you really do enjoy being with him that much huh’

Arm is well aware of how much Off like Gun, but seeing his friend at this state still takes him by surprise.

The unwavering eyes.

The rosy cheeks.

The glow.

Maybe acting like a clown paid off.

‘More than ever’ Off answered, encouraging Arm to reciprocate his smile.

Off is weird-ed out to even himself, since nothing that special happened between him and Gun but just with spending time with Gun for a little bit, makes him feel light.

He feels at home.

Like he has been waiting to step foot inside of his house after a long trip.

He waited for this.

On the other hand Arm knows that what he was about to ask might erase the smile from Off’s face and he doesn’t intend on ruining the mood but the curiosity has been eating him up. If Off is this happy with Gun then why would Off give up so easily when they were still in college? If Gun can make him feel like this then why didn’t he fight for the rights to be with Gun? Why wait? Why waste all of those years when it was clear that he was the first one to set his eyes on Gun.

Arm took a deep breath before he gathers the courage to ask, even after all these years of being with Off he still doesn’t know as to why Off would let Gun go that easy.

‘If you’re this happy with being with him then why didn’t you pursue him before? Why did you let him go?’

And as Arm assumes, the atmosphere shifted from being great to being heavy.

The smile on Off’s face falters, making Arm feel guiltier, but he needs to know. He wants to know before they move on towards the next chapter.

‘Do we really have to talk about this now?’

‘I’m sorry but I really am curious, why would you let him walk all over you like that?’ He asks, referring to their former friend.

‘Do you really think that I let go without a fight? But as I keep telling you he has his reasons’

Arm sighs after hearing the same answer he gets for years now, ‘No reason is good enough to do that Off’

‘Well, at that time it was a pretty strong ground, enough for me to walk away’ Off smiled sadly, turning his attention back to his computer.

What would have happened if he just ignored all the reasons.

* * *

**_**7 years ago** _ **

_Off looks down on his friend that is now on the floor with a bloody nose, his hands shakes from all the emotions he was feeling._

_He couldn’t believe this. He couldn’t believe him._

_Oab looks up from the ground, wiping the blood dripping down from his left nostril with the back of his hand. His jaw aches from the impact of the punch that welcomed him as soon as he agreed to meet Off._

_‘I just want to know why?’ Off asks, his voice shaking. He is not a violent person, he never saw physical fights solving anything but right now all he could see is red._

_Oab spits on the pavement beside him, seeing blood mixed in his saliva. His inner cheeks are now also bleeding._

_‘I have cancer, Off.’_

_Off could feel his breathing becoming uneven. His head swirls, making him feel like he wants to vomit. He 's having a hard time wrapping his head around the situation._

_‘I might not be here for any longer, I mean, who knows right?’ Oab continues, prying himself up, before dusting off the dirt from his pants._

_Off couldn’t get himself to reply, how could he even answer that? What is he even supposed to say?_

_‘I’m sorry but you’re not the only one in here who can like people. You’ve always get what you’ve wanted, Off. Let me have this’_


	17. SPECIAL CHAPTER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a special chapter that is related to the story but is not a part of the story, I just really want to write something with a Halloween theme. The original flow of the story will continue on the next chapter, Chapter 16, be advised accordingly so y'all won't get confused. Thank you. 
> 
> I suggest you listen to Conan Gray's Maniac and Remember Me this way by Jordan Hill :)))

****Halloween Eve** **

****October 30** ** ** **th** **

****As Off and Gun attends the annual Halloween Party** **

****The stars have aligned with a blood moon and Gun’s ex-boyfriend has rissen from the grave - dead set on making him stay.** **

****It’s up to Off and Gun to fend the exes off .** **

* * *

‘What are you supposed to be?’ Gun asks, looking at his boyfriend who’s not wearing anything out of ordinary.

‘A ghost’

‘Wow that’s another level of laziness, even for you’ Gun rolls his eyes at Oab, his favorite time of the year just happens to be Halloween and he really can’t stand Oab’s excuses to dress down every single year.

‘What? Do you expect ghosts to have white cloth draped over them?’ Oab raises his eyebrow at his now pissed boyfriend.

‘Well it wouldn’t hurt to have you exert even just a little bit of an effort won’t it?’ Gun sighs, turning around to head towards the table full of drinks. He reaches out for a red cup, pouring himself a drink from the punch. He took a sip before immediately figuring out that one cup from it can actually make you tipsy. Its' pure gasoline.

‘Gun, of course ghosts look normal, they don’t go around places with severed heads or pale faces, they come back completely normal to the people they kept in their hearts. Sometimes we won’t even recognize them for they come back as mere memories that haunts us.’

‘Not only did you choose to be lazy, you’re actually making excuses for it huh?’ He crosses his arms over his chest, almost spilling his drink in the process.

Oab smirks, there really is no reason for him to lie right now, dressing up is just not his thing, in contrast to how Gun looks, all suited up and neat, ‘Wait, what are you?’ Oab asks, referring to his outfit.

‘I’m a runaway groom, duh’ he said pointing on the veil on top of his head and his suit. Every year he tries to have a costume that is inspired from mundane things instead of a character, it gets him out of the awkwardness that is having someone with the exact same costume.

‘Well sucks to be you I guess, because you can’t run way from a ghost like me’ Oab winks, snaking his arm around Gun.

‘You’re not sure about that’ He jokes, laughing after seeing his boyfriend’s reaction.

Oab was about to reply when someone from the crowd screams, ‘Hey look, it’s cupid dancing on the stage’, followed by people hollering. Gun’s eyes immediately went from Oab’s up to the stage in front, where he could see a person with small wings, small enough that it couldn’t possibly lift the person up, and a bow and arrows on his hands.

The guy dancing looks fitting for the character cupid, he has fair skin, wavy hair, and a friendly face. If Gun was to think of a personified face of cupid, he wouldn’t think twice to imagine this one.

‘Arm! Get down there!’ someone from the crowd screams, only encouraging this guy, Arm, to dance even harder, that’s until a small girl who’s dressed as a Greek goddess dragged Cupid out of the stage away from everyone’s gaze. She shot the crowd an annoyed look when some people started booing her for cutting their entertaiment.

Gun sighs, people his age really are crazy

‘Babe?’ Oab snaps his fingers in front of Gun’s face, trying to get its attention.

Gun shook his head before looking back at his boyfriend, ‘Huh? What?’

‘I was asking you, if I could go with Mike for a moment?’ He answered, tilting his head to point towards the direction of where his friend Mike was standing at.

‘Oh sure go ahead’ Gun nodded his head, smiling.

‘Are you going to be fine by yourself?’ Oab asks, raising one eyebrow.

‘Yeah’

‘Are you sure?’

He rolls his eyes, pushing his boyfriend towards the direction where he was supposed to go. ‘I’m fine, I am not a toddler’ Oab laughs before heading his way, leaving Gun completely alone around people he doesn’t exactly recognize.

It’s not his first time being left alone, sometimes he even enjoys it.

His own company, away from everyone.

‘I told you I should have been the vampire’ Someone groans from near him, as he looks, he saw one of his friend New, arguing with Tay, by the looks of it it’s better to not interfere any more. He knows how stressful it is to be the middle ground when this two is arguing, oh trust that he tried that before and it didn't end pretty but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like to watch from afar.

‘New, being a werewolf fit your build than it would for me’ Tay rolls his eyes.

He has a point, New's wide shoulders and physique fit the role of being a werewolf more than being a lanky vampire.

‘I hate you, Draculla is way cooler’ New pouts, making Tay smile.

‘Yeah I know’ Tay smirks, earning a slap on the shoulder from New. ‘I promise that next year you’ll have the cooler costume’ Tay assured, patting New’s hair.

Gun almost gagged at how the two looks at each other, this two has been together longer than he and Oab started their relationship but these two looks more into the honeymoon phase than them. He wonders what went wrong.

What is missing between Oab and himself? Why can’t they have cheesy and cringey moments like this? It’s not that he dreams of having a cringe worthy relationship, it’s just that sometimes having little moments that will make his toes curl and his stomach flutter doesn’t sound so bad.

‘I thought this was a Halloween party, I wasn’t informed that this was actually prom’ Someone from beside him said, taking him by surprise.

Gun looks at the guy beside him, seeing Off in a costume he couldn’t figure out, he tilted his head trying to piece the costume together before he surrenders, ‘What are you supposed to be?’

‘Damn, I get that a lot tonight, maybe I should have just been Casper or something’ He chuckles, scratching the back of his neck.

‘You didn’t answer my question, so what are you?’ Gun asks again, this time in an impatient tone.

‘I’m a change of heart. You see, this in front is the new heart and this at the back’ Off explaing pointing at the hearts drawn on his clothes, ‘is the old one’

‘That is too complicated for people to get right away’ Gun shakes his head, sipping from his drink once again before he hears Off sigh.

‘Well, it’s better than being lazy right? I mean, at least I didn’t show up as a ghost or something basic like that’ He slouches his shoulders, almost making Gun laugh, he remembers the annoyance he had with his boyfriend a while back.

‘I guess you’re right’ He nodded. 

'So, you're a runaway groom?' Off looks at his head down to his feet. Finally, someone who gets him immediately. 'Who are you running away from?' 

'No one in particular, they seem to runaway from me before I even get the chance to make a move' He stated, not full understanding even himself. A comfortable air engulfs them both after that, with the two of them just watching people get wasted and trash themselves on the dance floor.

‘Ow’ Off suddenly said, catching Gun’s attention once again.

‘What? What happene-’ He didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence when felt something hit his leg, he looks down only to see a toy arrow on the ground. He looks back to see Arm laughing at what he just did.

The cupid is on the loose.

‘I’m sorry, he’s drunk’ The girl from earlier said, making excuses for Arm.

Off laughs from beside him. ‘Arm, you fucking idiot’

‘What? People are happier when they’re in love, so you should probably thank me.’ Arm slurs, ‘I have my Psyche right here so don’t worry about me’ He said before putting his arm around the girl.

‘I’m sorry, I really am, I think I have to get him home now’ The girl shakes her head, guiding Arm towards the exit.

‘That was weird’ Gun chuckles before taking another sip.

‘For Arm, that was normal’ Off laughs, reminded of how annoying his friend could get. ‘We’re lucky he didn’t shoot us on the head’ He widened his eyes, earning a genuine laugh from Gun.

 _‘Let us welcome on stage, the maniacs’_ The host announces, accompanied by applause from other people who isn’t wasted yet, a band enters the stage. 

‘Isn’t that your brother?’ Gun asks looking up at Off who is now nodding his head.

‘Yeah, they get gigs like this at this time of the year’ Off smiles, observing how his brother moves on stage. He admires how Jaylerr looks so at ease on stage, one thing he couldn’t ever do.

Jaylerr taps the mic before speaking, ‘Hello everyone, to make this night festive why don’t we start with a classic? Is that alright?’ He smiles as the crowd screams back.

‘I hope ya’ll know the movie Casper, cos here’s Remember me this way by Jordan Hill’ Jaylerr smiles before the first strum of the guitar echoes across the room. The atmosphere from earlier completely shifted, the people who were dancing their hearts out is now group into two.

‘I told you this is a fucking prom’ Off laughs.

‘I know right’ Gun groans, shaking his head. He hugs his figure, not knowing what to do next with standing beside Off and not his boyfriend.

_I don't need eyes to see_ _  
_ _The love you bring to me_

Off clears his throat, ‘Uhm do you want to maybe run away with me?’ He asks, extending his hand towards Gun.

_No matter where I go_ _  
_ _And I know that you'll be there_

Gun took a moment to think things through. Well, his boyfriend left him moments ago, so there really is nothing bad with enjoying someone’s company, it’s not like he’s cheating. It’s just a dance.

‘Do you even know how to dance?’ He asks Off, teasingly, to ease his nerves, Off wiggles his eyebrows at him to answer his question. 

He took a deep breath before taking Off’s hand, letting it pull him towards the dance floor.

_I'll make a wish for you_ _  
_ _And hope it will come true_ _  
_ _If life will just be kind_

They swayed on each others’ arms, enjoying the bubble they set for themselves.

Off smiled, leaning down to whisper something on Gun’s ears.

‘I told you I was a good dancer’ Off laughs, hoping Gun would recognize the reference and base on Gun’s expression, he did.

_To such a gentle mind_ _  
_ _And if you lose your way_ _  
_ _Think back on yesterday_ __  
_Remember me this way_ _  
_ _Remember me this way_

Off leans in once again, savoring the moment he has with Gun, ‘Can I keep you?’ He asks right besides Gun's ear that Gun could feel his warm breath grazing his skin, sending shivers down Gun’s spine. Gun looks into his eyes, feeling a warm sensation embrace his chest.

It’s not the first time he felt like this, but it is for sure the first time in a very long time.

‘Off?’ He asks, their bodies still close to each other, swaying with every beat.

‘Hmmm?’ Off hums, he couldn’t find of any words to say.

‘A change of heart, you live up to your character’ Gun whispers, he’s not sure if Off caught that and he is not really sure if it’s okay for him to say that but right at this moment he doesn’t really care.

There is a lot of things he is not sure of for quite sometime now and tonight is just one of them.


	18. 16: Take my hand and my, heart and soul, I will, only have these eyes for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, just a reminder, we are back to our normal pace.

**_**5 years ago** _ **

_‘Oab, how come you never introduce me to your friends?’ Gun looks up from his boyfriend’s lap. They were watching grown ups and it just came to him that he never really met someone that is from Oab’s past, except his parents._

_‘What do you mean? You’ve met White, right? Then there’s Ssing and Fiat.’ Oab furrowed his eyebrow at him, making feel self-conscious for a moment._

_‘Yeah I guess, but I mean, they doesn’t seem super close to you’ He shrugs, turning his gaze back to the television. He shudders when he felt Oab’s fingers grazing his scalp._

_Of course he saw Oab with these people but something just feels off._

_‘And that’s coming from a person who prefers to go to the cinemas alone and call it “me” time?’ Oab chuckles, sending vibrations down on Gun’s neck._

_‘But that’s different. I prefer to be alone, well most of the times, but you’ he paused, shifting in his laying position to look at Oab once again. ‘You look like someone who prefers to be with people, unlike me. I can actually picture you hanging out with a group or something on your free time’_

_‘Well, you’re the only one I want to be around with, is that wrong?’ Oab asks, pinching his cheeks. Gun could feel his cheeks getting hotter and hotter every minute as he bask on Oab’s soft gaze._

_‘Yeah right’_

_‘You don’t believe me? I’m taking offense’ Oab chuckles before leaning down to give him a quick peck on the lips._

_Gun laughs, sitting up on Oab’s lap, hooking his arm on its neck. ‘Well I guess, being the only person in your life right now wouldn’t hurt’ Gun smirks, leaning in to cross the distance between their lips. He felt his heart fluttering as he felt Oab smile between kisses._

_Their time together is always sweet and for moments like this, Gun forgets the questions._

_It’s just him and Oab, in their little bubble._

* * *

Gun looks around the office to see if Off is already in, after what happened yesterday he couldn’t stop getting embarrassed in front of his boss and it’s getting into him. What does he have to get gassy right at that moment? Plus, they are not in high school for him to be this embarrassed, but because its Off, it’s double the shame.

It’s the way the side of Off’s eyes wrinkles while he tease him that gets him. He doesn’t look like his boss at all, he looks like the person Gun met for almost two months ago, the one who’s loud and carefree.

He groans, looking at what he needs to do for the day. He needs to focus, getting distracted on Off’s tactics to tease him will only make him stay in the office longer because he wouldn’t get any work done. He grabs the flash drive on his table before heading down the corner of the room, to print Off’s schedule for today. It’s better to start early when Off is still not in the premise to annoy him.

As he saw the machine, he pressed the button that enables him to print stuff only to get a notice on the computer next to it. He sighs, there is not enough ink in the machine, he took the almost empty ones out before he looks around for refills.

‘They must be in here somewhere’ He murmured to himself, since there are a lot of things he needs to adjust into in this new job, he haven’t had the chance to organize this part of the office into what’s more convenient to him. He crouches down to look at the bottom drawers, only to see bundles of paper stacked in an unorganized manner, he reminds himself to fix that later when he gets the chance.

The one supplying them with these stuff really needs to learn how to put it on a less chaotic manner, well, it’s not their job but still.

He sighs, standing up before putting his hands on his hips.

‘Where the fu-’ He didn’t’ get the chance to finish his sentence when he spots the thing he was looking for at last. He walked towards the corner to grab the small containers of ink.

He sighs, _‘Why would they put it in here?’,_ He reaches out towards the cupboards that is kind of high for him. He stood on his tippy toes, stretching his body to reach.

 _‘Seriously, why?’_ He groans, his finger grazing the plastic material, making him bite his lower lip.

_‘A liitle more’_

_‘Just a little more’_

_‘Just’_

His thoughts were cut off by the weight from someone behind him until he saw large hands reaching out to the thing he was reaching for making him retreat to his original standing stance. He turns around, just to be welcomed with his boss staring down at him.

Gun could feel his breath getting caught in his throat and he could almost hear his own heartbeat drumming fast.

There’s a lot of places his mind could go to, but all he could really think of is how the side of Off’s mouth turns upwards and how he could feel its breath on his face, the smell of mint and aftershave fills his nostrils. It’s not everyday you see your boss towering over you.

His heartbeat quickens when he saw Off leaning forward, closer than he ever was. Like instincts, Gun moved his head towards the left, closing his eyes. Anticipating what would happen next, when Off finally spoke.

‘Don’t worry, I already told them that my secretary needs a stool’ He teased, completely different from what Gun imagined it to be. Off chuckles as he saw Gun’s expression deflates into a scowl.

‘I’m sorry sir but I have work to do’ He said, snatching the container of ink before getting back to his work. He sighs when he heard Off laugh before getting into his office.

When he was told that Off wants him to work closer to him, he wasn’t informed that this is how it would be.

Is it too late to go job hunting?

* * *

Gun leans on his chair, he looks at his watch only to see that it is now seven in the evening, almost two hours past his time off. He isn’t exactly sure why he’s still here, but going home while piles and piles of workload was given to Off, unsettles him. It’s his job to give assistance to his boss anyway, so if Off is taking an overtime then so does he.

He stood up, walking towards the table where they put mugs and coffee mix, along with other snacks. His could feel his mind fleeting away as he stirs the coffee in his hands. He’s not sure if it’s fine to barge into Off’s office without being told to do so but its not like he could see Off from where he was sitting.

The glass between them is one sided, it only lets Off see him, he knows that by now.

After seeing that the coffee in his hand is stirred enough, he walks back to his table, settling the mug of coffee down before grabbing one of his mini m&m’s from his secret stash. He pulled out a bright blue sticky note writing onto it before grabbing all the things and walking towards Off’s office.

As soon as he manages to open the door, Off looks up from what he was reviewing. His nose scrunching up, making his eyeglasses slide down the bridge of his nose. His first instinct was to look at the clock on top of his door.

****7:26** **

He was so pee-occupied with everything that he didn’t realize what time it is. ‘Why are you still here?’ He asks.

Gun settles the coffee down his table before he answers, ‘I just thought that maybe you still need me for something’

Off took off his glasses, looking directly at him. He aged after a whole day of non-stop paper works, the dark circles under his eyes and his tired gaze says that for a fact.

‘You can go home now’ Off stated, wearing his glasses once again before flipping the page of the report he was currently at.

Gun smiled, nodding his head before heading towards the door. Off’s eyes wander from the papers in front of him towards the coffee that Gun made him. He didn’t see from before that it wasn’t just coffee.

****\- breathe** **

He smiled, seeing a note on top of a pack of mini m&m’s. ‘Gun?’ He called out, makign Gun turn around.

‘You can stay if you want’

* * *

Off loosens his neck tie, he’s down to the last thing he has to do before he could finally go home. He looks at the clock once more, it is now 9:36 pm, today was a lot. He sighs, looking at the guy who promised to help him with anything he wants from earlier, now snoring in front of him.

He chuckles lightly at how Gun looks, he has his mouth slightly ajar, with soft snores coming out of it. His right hand is still holding onto the empty packet of m&m’s that he gladly took after Off offered out of courtesy. He didn’t think that Gun would gladly accept it back, damn it.

Off felt a pull on his cheeks, making it hard to keep a straight face.

How can someone be this adorable, really?

He takes his time admiring how Gun’s nose scrunches up, maybe it’s because of something happening on his dreams, Off could only guess.

‘What a nice dream you must have’ He whispers to himself, going back to his work. It didn’t take him long to finish the last one since he thought that Gun’s sleeping position might make his body sore. He quickly signs the last one before, standing up, stretching his aching body.

He turns off his computer, grabbing his things before making it towards Gun. It’s a shame that he needs to disrupt Gun’s, seeing how Gun must have been so tired also. He shook Gun’s shoulder gently, earning a groan from it.

‘Gun?’

He shakes Gun even more, ‘Gun?’, after his second attempt he saw Gun’s eyes opening slightly. 

‘Gun, come on let’s go home’ He didn’t realize how it must have sound up until it escapes his mouth. His heart stopped, he doesn’t want Gun to get weirded out by it but guessing from how Gun reacted maybe it wasn’t really a big deal.

‘What time is it?’ Gun squinted, looking back at the clock it’s already 10:15 pm. ‘Are you done with everything?’ He asks, looking towards Off’s table, seeing that there really isn’t that much that change.

‘Yeah, I will just organize those things tomorrow morning, let’s go’ Off scratches the back of his neck, tilting his head towards the door.

Gun nodded, grabbing his stuff before following Off close behind.

* * *

As Off closes the door of his condo unit, he hurriedly took off his shoes, making his way towards his couch.

‘What a long fucking day’ He said before taking off his coat, he reaches out into his back pockets, he pulled out the note that he received from earlier.

****\- breathe** **

He smiles, plopping into the cushion below him, raising the note to his eye level. He couldn’t stop the memories of the past years rushing back to him. There were times where holding on feels harder than just letting it be and if he’s being honest, of course there were times where hope was out of the picture. For quite some times he even convinced himself that he’s moved on, he even start to believe it.

He tired to explore, jumping from souls to souls. Some people made him felt the fraction of what he felt with Gun and it distracted him for a little while, going on his on way, trying out new things only to be reminded that wasn’t living a life he chose, he was living a life that was given to him with choice made by everyone but him.

He was always given things that people think he wants or things that people think he deserves and now that he thinks about it Gun was one of the things he was sure of. It might be short and he might have just taken his chances with Gun without fully knowing who Gun is, but for most of his life he pursued what people told him to get, it was Gun whom he really wanted and it was Gun whom he couldn’t have.

Among all those years of waiting, sometimes even unconsciously, he would have more reasons to take another path and move along with his life, but there is just one reason to make him stay.

It was Gun, simple as that, it always has been Gun.

And maybe some people would think that his college “crush” wasn’t worth all the efforts or all the time he spent waiting, but for him he doesn’t really have to have a reason except that one.

Gun is his definite.

He was sure of Gun, and he still is.

He sighs, folding the piece of paper back into his pocket.

* * *

**_**7 years ago** _ **

_‘I have cancer, Off.’_

_‘I might not be here for any longer, I mean, who knows right?’_

_‘I’m sorry but you’re not the only one in here who can like people. You’ve always get what you’ve wanted, Off. Let me have this’_

_The words that left Oab’s mouth rung in his mind and it’s been days after that happened. It’s hard for him to swallow the information that was given to him that day, was he supposed to be sad about the fact that one of his longest friends have an illness that may or may not shorten his time with them or pissed about how Oab could just casually treat Gun like an object that they can “own”._

_He sighs, closing his eyes before massaging his temple._

_He knows, he fucking knows how Off admires Gun. He’s all Off has been talking about for weeks, Oab out of all people should know hard it was for Off to fully understands why hes feeling like this towards Gun and he out of all people should know the struggle Off had to go through to fully understand this part of himself._

_Off couldn’t help but feel defeated. Even for just a small fraction of his life, that he met Gun, he knows that Gun wasn’t just a distraction from all the pressure he has in his life, he knows that what he felt when he first saw Gun and what he felt when he thinks about Gun, is more than just a shallow feelings._

_Yes, its quite early for him to know that for sure, seeing that he only met Gun for a couple of times, but does this kind of things really has to have a certain timeline? Does really have to think it through for a couple more times before he knows what it is exactly that he was feeling?_

_He would just feel like he’s wasting time over thinking things if he knows it for sure._

_Oab knows that, that’s why he couldn’t understand why Oab would do such a thing._

_Yes he may have cancer, and yes that’s a hard thing to go through and he doesn’t deserve that, no one does. Off could understand how hard it must be for him, but why Gun?_

_Why now?_

_Off sighs, looks like another decision was made for him and he’s not sure if he could take it lightly this time._

* * *

‘Really you’re taking me here?’ New rolls his eyes at the person smirking in front of him. He looks around the hectic place. After a lot of days with no thinking at all, New came into a decision to give this a chance, if he was forced to go is what you’re asking, then no is the answer. New knows how much he wants this and it might not be evident but he does but if he knew that Tay would just take him into lane of food truck near the bay area, then he might have thought this through.

‘Yes, if you haven’t had their food then you haven’t lived’ Tay chuckles, shaking his head to New’s reaction.

‘Are you sure this is sanitary?’ New whispers at him before taking a closer look at the food that was displayed.

‘P’’ Tay shouted to one of the servers, ‘My friend right here, Josh’ Tay teased, emphasizing on the name. ‘Wants to know if your food is safe to eat’

New almost dropped the phone that he was holding once he heard Tay finish his sentences.

_What the actual fuck, this is so embarrassing._

‘Tay’ He whispers once again, panicking as to how the vendors would react to him, he doesn’t want spit on his food.

The guy who Tay just asked, laughs, taking a serving of a seafood dish. ‘Well, let’s see if he would still say that after having a bite of this’ The guy said, handing Tay two servings of the food, heading towards the plastic chairs settled on the pavement near the pier. The saltiness of the water travelled with the night breeze.

‘Was that really necessary?’ He asks, sitting down on the cold plastic.

‘Seeing that you turned redder than a crab, yes, that was necessary’ Tay chuckles, handing him the plate with his serving, for a little amount of money that he saw Tay payed the man, this looks like a generous amount of serving.

‘Very funny, I just wanted to ask if you’re sure that this is safe’

‘Why don’t you try it first before opening your mouth? You know, for someone who eats bad sushi most of the times, you really have the audacity to be picky huh?’ Tay raises his eyebrow, mixing the famous seafood stew, that you could only get here, with his rice.

‘What? How did you know that?’

‘Well first I’m not blind, I could see your takeouts packages whenever I go to your office. I see you like sushi from that nasty place down the street so I figured you might like actual good seafood for once, so just eat’ He smirks, the smell of the food in front of them is heavenly, he just knows that New would love it.

New rolls his eyes, ‘Whatever’

Tay watches as New took the smallest bite for the first one, suspicions evident from its face. He almost laughed as he saw the way New’s face lit up the moment the flavour hits him.

‘See? It’s good huh?’ Tay smiles, taking a bite out of his own food.

‘Whatever’ New repeated, earning a laugh from Tay.

‘Our dad always make us eat here every once in awhile, especially when there’s something we should celebrate, and my siblings and I had been going in here since then up until now’ He said suddenly, taking New by surprise, ‘Now, I may not have been raised in a fancy environment but I really had a great time in here’

‘Oh please, you think I was? Everything that I have today was all from my own hard work’ New said before cooping another bath from his food and shoving it into his mouth.

‘Thank goodness’

‘Why?’ New raises his eyebrow.

‘I think I made the right choice with you’ Tay smiles at him.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Nothing, I just really admire hardworking people’

‘Don’t ask Gun about that he would probably say otherwise’ New laughs, shaking his head.

When Tay didn’t respond, New took it as an opportunity to continue, ‘Maybe next time we could go to a place from my childhood, how about that? But with one condition.’ New smirks.

‘What? You’re scaring me’ Tay said dramatically, hugging his own figure.

‘Stop me calling me Josh for fuck’s sake’ New demanded, raising his fork to point towards Tay, earning a laugh from the both of them.

‘Fine, you really know how to take the fun out of every situation’ Tay stated jokingly, shaking his head.

‘I majored in it’ New winked, smiling when he saw how the nightlight was illuminated into the eyes of the one in front of him.

The night is young and so are they.

* * *

Gun stirs the coffee in a mug he was holding after he added hot water into it, ever since that night Off asks for coffee in the morning the moment that he sets foot into the office and sometime even in the middle of the day.

He walks back when he was sure that he was done making the coffee, but not before heading towards his table first, he has now learned his lessons. He sighs as he remembers the first morning that Off asked for a cup of coffee.

_‘Oh, it’s just coffee?’_

_‘Yes Sir, I thought you only asked for coffee’ He titled his head, ‘Do you want a muffin or something from the snack bar?’ He asks, taking a step backwards, getting ready to search for what his boss might ask for._

_‘I just… I thought that your little note with the chocolate was something, you know? I thought it was consistent, but I guess not, so never mind’ Off shakes his head, dismissing Gun with his hand before getting back to his work._

****\- You can do it.** **

He wrote before sticking into the chocolate that he just got used to giving along with the cup of coffee before knocking on Off’s door, he didn’t make a word when he saw Off talking with someone on the phone.

Off nodded, assuring him that there is nothing more he needs after he settle the cup of coffee on top of its table. He smiled before getting back to his table outside. He plops down on his chair, opening his computer to check on the things he needs to attend to.

After a couple of weeks of learning new things about his job, he could say that he might be starting to like it. It’s not as hectic as his old job, which lessens his excitement and the rush that he gets but it’s actually quite nice, it’s nice that after a couple of years, he gets to experience new things or even try new things but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t miss his job, or New, in that matter.

But the pay in here is better and sometimes he even gets to meet new people, it’s giving him the chance to grow and Gun thinks that that’s the only thing that matters, really.

Growth.

* * *

“What is this that that I’m seeing?’ Arm a couple of minutes after walking into Off’s office, to get his job of annoying him done for the day. In his list of things to do, annoying Off would be one of the highest ones.

Off didn’t even looked up upon hearing his friend’s voice, he knows why Arm is in here and it’s solely just to piss him off.

‘So, you like chocolate now? I was just busy for a couple of days and suddenly you have empty chocolate packets on your desk?’ Arm asks, raising an empty packet of m&m’s to dissect.

‘What about it?’

‘You hate chocolate’

Off sighs, ‘Your point?’

‘My point is why? I thought you were disgusted even by the smell of it?’

‘Well, that was before’ Off rolls his eyes, like he’s expecting Arm to just know about this new information about him.

‘Oh, I see’ Arm nodded before looking back at the glass that separates Off with Gun, ‘Is it because of a certain someone?’ He wiggles his eyebrow.

Off didn’t reply, ignoring his annoying ass completely.

‘Wow, do you mind if I go there and ask Gun to give it back?’

‘Give what back?’

‘Your balls’ Arm laughs, which was only welcomed by Off’s straight face, ‘Damn Dude, you used to hate it and now by the looks of it, it’s either you keep receiving it and you just doesn’t know how to tell him that you don’t like it or you keep asking for it to have more reasons to talk with him. I’m betting on the second one’

‘Whatever’ Off scrunches his eyebrows, ‘Go back to your office before I call the security’

‘I wish I could, but I actually have something to tell you’ Arm says on a much more serious tone.

‘What is it?’ the atmosphere suddenly shifted between them, if what Off is thinking is right then he knows how much this would mean to Arm.

Arm sits down in front of him, digging his nails into his palm. ‘She’s back’

Even though Off already knew who it is, he still asked just to be sure. ‘Who’s back?’

‘Alice’ The name rolled out of Arm’s tongue like he hasn’t stop saying it for so long, the name felt familiar in his ears and it’s starting to scare him.

‘She’s back for good’

* * *

**_**7 years ago** _ **

_‘Why do I always see your face wherever I go?’ Alice groans, taking off her headphones that has small cat ears on top of it._

_‘Do you think I want to see you either?’ Arm rolls his eyes. Who would have thought that even in a DOTA tournament, he would see the girl that has a sole purpose of getting on his last nerves every time they share the same space. The last time he saw her was at the cafe across their university building, she ordered the last muffin that he was looking forward to and now he gets assigned at the computer next to her?_

_‘You’ve got to be kidding me’ Arm groans, pulling out the chair next to girl he despises. ‘Look, everyone on this row, was randomly picked as teammates so you better put be in your a game, because I am not fond of losing’_

_Alice snorted, ‘No shit Sherlock, and don’t worry I never once lose’_

_‘You better’ He mumbled._

_The game started and everything was going exactly as how Arm would want it before he saw the words he was avoiding on his screen._

**_**‘First blood ARMor_15’** _ **

_He sighs, hearing a snort from beside him, ‘Look who’s talking now’ Alice laughs._

_Arm fixes his posture. ‘Oh, it’s on’ he said._

_Now that he's in the game, there is no point of going back._

* * *

Gun went home a little earlier than usual, seeing that he finished everything he has to do for today and Off had a sudden meeting outside of work.

Now that he has time in his hands, he doesn’t really know ho to use it so he just decided to watch something that catches his attention. He flips through the channels of the television only to end up on a cooking show.

He tried to relax his posture, letting the noise from everything dial down for even just a moment.

The people that was competing for the title was now tasked to make chocolate cakes, making Gun crave for some as he watch how smooth the chocolate looks on screen.

It’s been a while since he enjoyed a chocolate cake, he used to love it when he was younger, maybe he should get himself some tomorrow as a snack or better yet maybe he could attempt on making one.

 _‘Nope’_ He thought as he remembers the amount of mess he keeps on having every single time he bakes.

 _‘I would just buy some tomorrow’_ He thought of it again, the excitement pilling up on him. He just loves chocolate cakes so much and he misses it.

He reached out for his phone, typing in a reminder for himself before he settles it back to the table in front of the sofa.

**_**Please don’t forget to buy a chocolate cake tomorrow.** _ **

* * *

**__ **

**_**5 years ago** _ **

_‘Happy Birthday Oab!’ He greeted, smiling at his boyfriend._

_‘Thank you’ Oab smiled back, enveloping him in his arms._

_It’s been a year and a half since they have been together and he couldn’t be more thankful to have Oab in his life._

_‘Oh you bought a cake?’ Oab asks, unwrapping his arms around Gun before checking the cake that he bought from earlier. He’s really glad that the cake didn’t end up being mushed as he had to used public transportation to get back from the bakery. ‘They don’t have mocha flavored?’ Oab asks, looking up to him._

_Gun sighs, trying not to bite the insides of his cheeks. ‘I asked about it days prior but it seems like they accidentally gave the last one to another person, so I thought I would just buy a chocolate one’_

_‘Oh, okay’ Oab said simply, before closing the top of the box._

_‘You don’t like it?’_

_‘No, it’s just that, I told you I don’t like chocolate cakes’ Oab smiled sadly at him, making him feel even more guilty, maybe he should have gone to another pastry shop._

_‘I’m sorry’ He said, walking towards the cake, ‘Should I just return this ? But I doubt that they would take this back’_

_‘It’s okay don’t go through all of those troubles again, I’m pretty sure the guests would enjoy that, so don’t worry’_

_Gun nodded, ‘Yeah, I hope they will’_


	19. 17: Tell me that you'll turned down the man, who asks for your hand, 'cause you're waiting for me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't proofread this chapter yet so please excuse the grammatical errors that you will probably encounter, I will edit it as soon as I can :))
> 
> One by Ed Sheeran was the inspiration of this chapter so maybe you could listen to that before reading :))

‘You’re eating chocolate cakes now? Since you’re doing things you hate anyways, why don’t you dance while you’re at it?’ Arm raises his eyebrow after seeing the half eaten slice of chocolate cake in his table that Gun gave him earlier this morning.

‘I’m not that crazy and how about you stop sticking your nose up somebody else business?’ He challenged, he really can’t think of anything to say to Arm, knowing full well that Arm is right.

Arm scrunches his nose before slamming some paper onto his desk, ‘Anyway, I just got this notice earlier today, did you know about this?’ Arm asks, tilting his head to point towards the papers.

Off breathes in as soon as he saw the header, it was just earlier when he heard about this so-called team building they have to go to this weekend.

‘Don’t you think we should postpone it for next month?’ He asks, he’s not sure if it’s going to be alright for them to have this, they seem quite busy this week.

‘That’s what I was thinking, we are going crazy over the amount of work to produce the new reality tv show, but I think we would be busier next moth to be honest’

‘Then I guess we have to go’ Off chuckles, no matter what they think anyway there wouldn’t be much of a point since these kinds of things are typically set months prior and as someone who’s kind of a new person in the company, it just feels wrong to intervene with a plan that was organized even before he got the job, no matter what his position is.

Plus, he could used this to is advantage to know more of the people he was working with and gain their trust.

‘But do we really have to go that far for it? Pattaya is a little too far for us to go to on just the weekend. Can’t we just do it over some company diner or something, like normal companies would do? I’m tired already and I’m just thinking about it now’

‘I know, but it’s too late to protest about that, really, and its not our job to organize these things. Let’s just get this over with’

‘You’re the CEO’s son can’t you pull some strings?’ Arm teased, smirking at Off. He knows how Off hates using that as an excuse to get away with something. He treats himself of nothing more than a mere employee.

‘I’m going to pretend I didn’t just hear that’

‘Whatever, I’m coming, but I’m going to complain the whole time’

‘You do that everyday anyway, what’s the difference?’

Arm sighs, getting out of his friends office, sometimes he feels like they are doing everything but work in this company. Maybe he should start looking for another job?

Who is he kidding? The environment in here is perfect for him.

* * *

‘Ugh! My back hurts already’ Arm groans, as soon as his back hits the mattress, Off leans down to press it to check the quality, he rolls his eyes when he felt that it wasn’t that bad and Arm is just being a diva. ‘Can’t I really sleep in you room? It’s way better than this’ Arm groans, flailing his limbs like a five year old.

After dropping his things to his room, he went straight to Arm’s to check if his other co-workers are being treated well and looking around the place is not shabby at all if it weren’t for Arm’s dramatic ass he would think that this was any different fro the room he got, maybe except for the sliding door that enables him to got to the shore from his room.

They were all settled in small huts near the beach, some are sharing rooms and some have individual spaces like this one, in the first few minutes that they spend in the place he could say that is actually quite nice. The huts are very traditional and pleasing to look at while the interiors of it are very modern, just like any other hotel rooms they could have gotten.

He massages his neck, the whole hour and fifty minutes that got them from Bangkok to here is quite comfortable but the way his seat was reclined made the back of his neck ache for quite a bit, but of course it would be Arm who would actually complain about it. They arrived a little late than others after taking a separate vehicle to travel with, but as far as he heard Gun was sharing a room with some people from his SEO department.

‘I’m going to check the bar, do you want to come?’ Arm asks, taking his room keys from his nightstand before standing up.

‘We just got here’ Off smirks, chuckling at how his friend’s mood shifted so fast.

‘More reasons for us to check the bar, you think I’m going to stay sober the whole time? Oh you’re so wrong’ Arm laughs shaking his head, ‘So, are you coming or not?’ he offers once again, before seeing Off shaking his head no.

‘I should probably go back to my room and put my things away’ He answered, making his way towards the door with Arm following close behind.

‘Suit yourself, if you need anything, you know where to find me’ Arm wiggles his eyebrow before they both go onto their different ways.

* * *

Arm stumbles on a sand castle on his way to the bar, like their rooms, the bar is structured like a hut with a wider roof, sheltering the cube in the middle, different colored stools are set by the sides of it, while the bartenders are inside mixing drinks. The place’s interior is open, welcoming guest and the breeze from the ocean beside it. The music blasting through the speakers is competing with the sound of the waves crashing through the shore.

Looking around, the place looks inviting and classy, it doesn’t look like a typical bar you go to to get wasted. He smiles as soon as he made eye contact with the bartender, he sits down into one of the stools before he looks at the available drinks on the menu.

‘One Gin Rickey, please’ He ordered. The bartender nodded his head before working on his order.

He doesn’t really plan on getting drunk tonight, he knows that he has to be with people tomorrow morning, but the atmosphere of the place is just so inviting that he wants to accompany it with the a little bit of alcohol. Not too much that it would make his head spin while he hates on himself but just enough to make him feel warmth. 

A mellow saxophone makes his body shiver as the he sways his body a little with the music.

The bartender smiled at him once again handing him his drink with some tissues. He nodded, smiling, before he bit into the lime that was settled on top of his glass. His face scrunches up as he took in the sourness of it, he clicked his tongue before he took a sip from his drink.

‘Arm?’

He doesn’t have to turn around to know who’s voice it was, he could feel his insides churning as he spins on his stool only to be welcomed by a warm smile.

He’s not drunk, is he? He only had one sip and now he’s seeing someone who would only visit him after his eight shot of tequila. He could feel cold sweat forming on his temple as he looks back at her.

Time did her so good, the wrinkles on the side of her eyes as she smiles are still the same along with the warmth that Arm is suddenly feeling on his chest.

She didn’t change at all and Arm didn’t know why but he maybe he hoped she would. Maybe is she changed so much that she’s almost unrecognizable, maybe it would be easier for Arm to accept that time is way beyond them.

Upon hearing that she’s back in Thailand, he didn’t know what else to do but to wait for chances he knows he wouldn’t have again, but here she is, beautiful as ever, standing in front of him smiling.

‘Alice’ He breathed out.

* * *

**_**5 years ago** _ **

‘ _Arm I’m tired’_

_Arm could feel his surroundings closing in on him as he look at her. It pains him to see her in this state and he knows full well that he’s the reason for all of this. He doesn’t know what would happen next but it seems like he has to brace himself before he hears it because there’s no chance that this would end pretty._

_‘It’s okay to get tired, we all do sometimes, but please just give me another chance, please, just one more and I promise I would do anything to keep you please, Alice’_

_‘How much more?’ She asks, and maybe it’s in the way she looks at him but it feels like he’s grasping for the tiny amount of oxygen he has left. ‘How much more do we have to pretend Arm? How many times more do we have to pretend that nothing has changed between us?’_

_‘Alice..’ he breathes out, looking at his girlfriend for almost two years now, packing up her stuff that she left in his place. He reaches out to her wrist. ‘Alice please’_

_‘This is a dead end and you know it’ She said softly, almost whispering. She doesn’t have the energy to argue this, she doesn’t anything left for herself._

_‘How can you say that without trying? You always told me that there are no such thing as defeat, that there are only chances we hesitated to give or take.’ His voice croaked, his hands are now shaking. He couldn’t let go of the one thing going right in his life right now, he couldn’t let her go._

_‘Without trying? Arm, we both know how many times I’ve tried already, heck, I don’t even recognize myself anymore after pouring everything I got into this. Into us, and maybe I was wrong, maybe, maybe there are just battles we have to turn our back into instead of facing.’ She said finally, looking away and avoiding Arm’s gaze._

_‘There’s no growth. We can’t be with people who wouldn’t let us grow. Maybe we really are too young for this or maybe we just weren’t meant to be but all I know is we are both meant for better things. Me and you, we have a lot of growing up to do’ She spat, prying her wrist away from his grip. She looked back at him one more time, forcing a sad smile before turning her back and heading towards the door._

_‘I love you’ He admitted aloud maybe for the last time but he couldn’t just let her go without reminding her once again._

_Alice stop dead on her tracks, hear throat is now killing her from the tension that is building. She wishes she could say the same. She wishes she wouldn’t be the one letting go but there’s so little left to her that she couldn’t even turn her head around to look back as she continues on her way, leaving the one man she was sure she loved the most._

* * *

‘So I heard you’ve been doing good?’ Arm smiles before sipping on his drink, if he’s really honest he doesn’t need the alcohol to maybe feel things tonight. This evening is nothing like any other nights this past couple of years.

‘Better’ She smiles, earning a nod or two from Arm.

‘That’s great, I mean, you look great’ He stated genuinely, she always look dashing but tonight she just glows. She looks better than ever, Arm almost feel self-conscious as he was just wearing a plain white shirt pared with shorts and some slippers.

‘Thank you, you too’

‘How was Japan?’ He asks, he doesn’t know if it sounds weird for him to look like he knows everything going on with her life but he couldn’t help but ask. He really is curious.

‘It was fantastic, but I actually transferred to South Korea for a year and a half before coming back here’ She answered, taking a sip from her regular coca cola.

‘Oh is that so, why?’

‘I don’t know, I just thought that maybe Korea would help me grow more in my career, since the company that I applied in there offers greater opportunity in the advertising business’

Arm nodded, she may have change a lot on how she dress herself or maybe the length of her hair is longer that how she always kept it but deep down she hasn’t changed at all.

She is still driven and Arm could see that in the way she holds herself. He feels proud with just looking at her bu he could only hope that he treasured this side of her while he still could, but there’s no point in dwelling with chances he didn’t take for before.

‘How about you? How have you been?’ She looks towards him, and for a moment Arm struggles to find words on how to describe how he’s been doing these days.

Well, he’s fine, he really is. He’s financially stable, he has been promoted a couple of times, he’s doing really well except he doesn’t think that’s what Alice is asking about.

‘I’m doing great’ He forced out, how can the truth be this hard to say?

Alice smiled, gently swaying her body to the music that’s when Arm saw something he wished he shouldn’t have.

He doesn’t have the courage to face the facts right now.

‘You got married?’ He asks, trying to mask what he’s really feeling.

Alice chuckles, ‘Engaged’ She corrected, raising her left hand.

‘Wow, congrats’ he forced a smile, hopping that Alice wouldn’t be able to read him quite as good as before.

‘Yeah, I guess’

‘Is he Korean?’ He asks the dumbest question he could think of just to fill the air.

‘Well we met in Korea if that counts’ She tries to make a simple joke, ‘No, but he’s actually full Thai, we just met there’

Arm nodded before it clicks, ‘Oh so that’s why you went back to Thailand?’

Alice didn’t comeback for anyone.

Alice didn’t come back for him.

He got ahead of himself, the little hope he has left just turned into a brand new wound. Who is he kidding? They haven’t seen each other for years, there’s no way Alice would go back just to meet him.

‘Yeah’ She nodded, clarifying his assumption. ‘His family is very traditional so they urge us to go back home to organize the wedding and maybe start working here? If given the chance’

‘That’s good, being home is good’ He breathes out.

‘How about you? Anyone I have yet to meet?’ She chuckles, wiggling her eyebrows, bumping her shoulder to him.

‘No, I uhm, I’m trying to focus more on work’ He scratches the back of his neck, looking down on his feet.

‘Are you sure? With that face of yours, I’m pretty sure a lot of ladies are falling head over heels’ She chuckles, sipping once more from her drink.

_But they’re not you._

‘Well, I don’t really know about that’ He smiles, earning a nod from Alice.

They sat there for a moment, thinking of other things to talk about but only just ending up swaying to the music while remaining completely silent.

‘So uhm, I think I have to go, I have to go back to Bangkok tomorrow after lunch so I better fix my things’ Alice says after looking down at her watch.

‘Oh you’re going back to Bangkok?’

‘Yeah, we’re planning on getting married there, we we’re actually just looking for places to spend our honey moon that is not too far from Bangkok, that’s why I came here with our wedding organizer’ She informed him, before grabbing her purse that she settled on the counter before standing up.

‘So, see you around?’ She smiled, leaning in for a hug with Arm did not hesitate to take.

‘Yeah, see you around.’

* * *

His toes sank the longer he stood at the sand on the shoreline, the moonlight reflects at the waves, bouncing into his figure, creating a shadow. Off looks around only to see that the colorful light from the bar are illuminating almost compelling him to look for Arm but as much as he likes to be with his friend or maybe some of their co-workers, he really enjoys the breeze from this area.

Maybe this is the rest he has been deprived of for a couple of weeks now that he has been burying his nose with paper works for more than usual.

Working for his father might not be the first thing that he wanted when he was a lot younger but he grew fond of it in each day he spends at the office, he learned how to stir his desires to something more practical and convenient for him. He doesn’t have the privilege to choose his own path, that for sure he knows by now.

‘Mind if I join you?’ Someone from behind asks, making him turn around. Gun stood there with his hands on his pockets.

‘Are you sure you want to?’ He smirks, tilting his head towards the bar, ‘I think most people are spending their time there’

‘Oh trust me, I know’ Gun chuckles, thinking about how New almost pulled him towards the bar which he gladly rejected. ‘but It’s not really my scene right now, I mean, we just got here. I odn’t want to be that person you know? Hangover over the first day’

‘I guess you’re right’ Off laughs, wiggling his toes to feel more of the sand between each toe. ‘How do you like the place right now?’

‘It’s nice, I really like how they designed this place and it’s nice to see the ocean once again after a very long time but I can’t help but think of the work that would welcome us as soon as we get back’

‘I know, right? I may be physically here but my mind is actually on the piles and piles of papers I left on my table’ Off fired back, earning a chuckle from the both of them.

‘I know that we have this every other year but they really couldn’t have picked a much more inconvenient time to organize this’ Gun shakes his head, making his way on Off’s side.

‘Yeah, but since December is fast approaching I think we’ll only get busier than this’

‘Oh God, is that a threat?’ Gun jokes

‘Yeah so you better prepare yourself’ Off winked even though he doubts that Gun would see it from the lack of lighting in the area.

Gun laughs, patting down the sand that is not as damp to flatten it before he sits on it, looking at the calm ocean in front of him.

Off followed, sitting beside Gun and tucking his legs below him. He inhales, the comfort that he feels whenever he’s with Gun is really undeniable. The world is silent, they are far from the noise of the city.

‘Do you think when we pass away, we’ll remember the people we left behind?’ Gun suddenly asked, taking him by surprise. He knows where this would go but he doesn’t know if he’s ready for that yet.

‘I don’t know, maybe it’s up to us. Maybe we’ll remember those whom we chose to remember’ He answer, he never really believes in an after life. He believes that once its over, that’s just it but right now he knows that saying so would probably worsen the situation.

Gun nodded, feeling the roughness of the sand beneath his hands. He’s not sure as to why he’s being like this with his boss once again and he hopes Off wouldn’t get weirded out but he couldn’t help himself. He needs to tell someone, and there’s just something with how the ocean calmly moves before his eyes that makes him want to be honest fro once.

Off looks beside him, to Gun who is looking straight ahead before he spoke the words he knows he would regret, ‘Do you miss him?’

Gun doesn’t have to answer for him to know but he still waited until Gun shyly nodded his head, ‘It’s really hard to tell you know? I just, sometimes I’m feeling too much but some other times it is nowhere to being enough. It’s only been months since he passed away but it really felt like years for me and I know that sounds so pathetic to say but I’m still there. I’m still at that exact place from where he left me’ Gun smiled sadly, shaking his head. He couldn’t believe he’s telling this now. He couldn’t believe that out of all people, he’s telling this to Off.

‘It’s not pathetic Gun, it’s completely valid. Knowing him he probably would have want you to remember him too, so don’t worry those lingering feelings are valid’ Off forces out, it is not easy to advice this to someone he wants to keep for himself.

Gun sighs, ‘Wow, I’m so lame I’m telling this to my boss’ he chuckles

‘Hey, that’s why I’m here, not to run a company but to attend to my co-worker’s needs’ Off teased, making Gun flustered. ‘But seriously, it’s fine, so you don’t have to worry about it’ He added before he stood up, carrying his sandals in his right hand as he walks closer to the ocean. The water is cold but his feet are numb to even notice, he takes quiet steps on the damp sand with Gun watching him from where he was seated.

His foot leaving marks on the sand, before a wave crashes and erasing it from sight.

‘Gun’ He called out, before Gun stands up as he follows Off, taking off his slippers and going into the ocean, ankle deep, a little farther than where Off is.

‘Maybe healing is like an ocean wave, erasing those figments from the past.’ He said suddenly, he continues when he felt Gun’s eyes on him, ‘but you have to wait for it Gun, you have to brace yourself too, so, once it comes back, you’ll be ready to let things go’ He smiles, hoping Gun would see. ‘Now let’s go, it’s getting chilly’

Off puts his hands in his pockets before turning around to go back to where their rooms are.

‘Off?’ Gun called out, making him turn his head to see Gun, walking behind him.

‘Hmm?’

‘Thank you’

* * *

‘Oh my God! P’Off!’ Someone said as he was sipping his morning coffee, the activities for today will start an hour from now so he decided to have his breakfast first before going. The place offers breakfast buffet and knowing him, he wouldn’t pass on buffets. He looks back to where the voice came from only to see someone he didn’t expect he would see again this soon.

‘Alice?’ He asks, almost choking on his drink. He stood up welcoming her with a hug. She still looks the same, except for the noticeable length of her hair.

‘How are you?’ She asks, squeezing him into a tight hug.

‘Me? What about you?’ He asks, pulling away from the hug and motioning for them to take a seat.

‘You can go on ahead, I haven’t seen this one for quite awhile’ Alice said to the girl she was with, before she takes a seat in front of him.

‘I can see that you’re still as loud as you were before, I almost spat my coffee’ He smirks, earning an eye roll from the girl in front of him.

‘Oh please, you were louder’ She laughs.

It’s great to see her again as bubbly as she was when they we’re in college. She’s one of the people Off spent most of his time with when they were younger, sometimes they even meet without Arm just to hang out.

Oh no.

Arm.

‘Have you seen him?’ Off asks almost immediately, not caring if it’s abrupt, she probably got used to it by now.

Alice snorted, Off looks funny when he’s panicking, ‘Yeah, I saw him last night’

‘How did it go?’

‘Just the usual, I think, we catch up on some things that it’ She shrugs.

‘Oh, I see’ He nodded, sipping on his coffee with Alice chuckling at him.

‘How are you?’ She asks more seriously, maybe she should have kept in touch with Off when she can, seeing that they spend a lot of time together.

‘Meh’ Off answered, demonstrating it with his hand.

‘You can’t fool me with that, I heard you finally took the position your dad always want you to have’ She raised her right eyebrow, remembering the time Off would complain about what his father wants him to do.

‘Yeah, well, what can I do? I can’t let opportunity slide, can I?’ Off answered sarcastically.

‘Glad to know you’re still the same’ she smirks, clasping her hand on top of the table.

‘You’re married?’ Off asks, lifting her hand to see look at the ring more clearly.

‘Engaged, you men really don’t know the difference between an engagement ring and a wedding ring don’t you’ She jokingly snatches her hand back, crossing her arm over her chest.

‘Does he know?’

‘Yeah, I told him last night’

Off nodded, he doesn’t know for sure but he could almost feel how Arm would react about this, he needs to talk with him as soon as he gets back to where they are staying.

‘Well, Congratulations’ He said finally, as soon as he wrapped his head around the fact.

‘Thank you, I mean it’ She reaches her arm to playfully punch Off on the shoulder.

‘I guess I have to go’ She said, smiling at him. It’s sad to part ways with Off once again but she knows that when she doesn’t do it now, it would be hard for her to go back since they would probably spend the whole day catching up with each other if that happens.

‘Already?’

‘Yeah, I can’t have them waiting around’ She answered, thinking of their wedding organizer and their driver that is probably waiting for her right now.

‘Okay’ Off nodded, fighting the urge to pout.

‘Oh and P’Off? It would be an honor to have you at my wedding’ She smiled genuinely before standing up.

‘Just send the invites’ Off smiled back before seeing Alice go towards the direction where the girl from earlier went.

Off is used to being the middle ground but right now he couldn't really tell on what to feel about his friend's situation, this isn't something he could help with.


	20. 18: Heart out

Gun clutches his stomach from laughing so hard, there’s something so funny with how Off looks while he was pulling on the rope in a game of tug of war, he just, he doesn’t look like someone fit for it. He really doesn’t.

Off struggles with just trying to stay upright as he was being pulled so intensely to the other side.

Now, their co-workers would see this side of the heir of the company and Gun couldn’t decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

‘Now he wouldn’t get anywhere with those sticks for arms’

Gun looks beside him to see that girl Mild from the office whispering things that would probably get her fired if Off ever had the chance to hear her, which only made him laugh even more.

‘Give him the benefit of the doubt will yah?’ Gun answered, but right as he said that Off just stumbles forward, losing his grip from the rope, driving their team to another lost. ‘Okay, let’s just pretend I didn’t say that’ he said taking back what he was trying to say from earlier.

‘Game three! Come on!’ The mediator exclaimed, clapping his hands right after the second game just ended, signaling for Gun’s team to go next.

He stood up, brushing off the sand that was sticking to his shorts before making his way towards where the rope is.

‘I saw you laughing at me, let’s see how well you do’ Off said to him as he passed through Gun towards where the others are sitting.

If there’s something that is not passive about Gun, it’s his competitiveness at this kind of things. He smirks, rolling up his sleeves, making his way in front of his group’s line, practicing his stance that would be most convenient for him.

He looks straight ahead, only to see New wiggling his eyebrows at him.

Oh crap, now they’re screwed. With New’s build, he would tank them for sure, but he can’t lose, not now that he was laughing his ass off while watching Off stumble.

‘Game on bitch’ He mouted to New who then rolled his eyes at him before they hear a whistle and he couldn’t see anything but his desire to win.

* * *

‘I hate to say this but welcome to the “losing” side” Off laughs, sitting beside him and reaching out to flick his minor bruise from the game.

‘Ow, I would not hesitates to call the police’ He jokes, pretending to dial on a make believe phone.

‘Oh is that so?’ Off raises his eyebrow, reaching out to snatch the fake phone, causing Gun to move backward.

‘Yes, so don’t try any shenanigans with me’ He smirks, extending his arms a little further but Off’s arms are just a little bit longer than his so he really doesn’t have much of a fight.

He held his breath as he felt Off’s upper torso closer than ever and Off’s sandy fingers wrap around his. In that moment he has a lot of things running around his mind like, why does Off’s hands feel so warm against his? Why does he feel like holding his breath when he could most certainly breathe? Why does it feel like they are alone in a crowded beach?

He took the opportunity to look at Off’s face, observing. He knows that a month prior he could almost see Oab’s face staring back at him whenever he looks this close to Off because of how much Off’s smile resembles Oab’s. It took him awhile to come to terms with it, but after much thinking he realized that he could see Oab in everything around him if he really wants to.

If he's really desperate to see him.

He blinks as he could almost feel Off’s grip tightening around his hand, he cleared his throat as he could feel eyes wandering towards them. He doesn’t want to be that guy who’s trying to seduce their boss, so he cleared his throat once again before taking his hand back.

‘Very Funny’ He said, he couldn’t think of anything he could say to possibly ease the tension.

‘Well you started it’ Off stated before they hear a certain someone calling Gun’s name. He looks back to see New standing by the foot of one of the palm trees, tilting his head towards the area in which the buffet lies.

‘Care for some lunch?’ New raises his right eyebrow before he continues, ‘Or are you too full?’

Gun groans before rolling his eyes to his snarky friend before he looks back to Off as if asking for permission to go with New, when he sees Off looking back towards the sea he decided to stand up, following his friend.

Away from Off,

Away from the waves that is forming a tsunami of emotions on the shore of his heart.

* * *

‘How are you feeling?’ Off asks, sitting on top of Arm’s bed. He didn’t want to ask while they are still here but seeing that Arm didn’t join them on the activities all day, even for lunch, he knows it’s bad.

Arm looks back at him like how he would normally do, biting on the sandwich between his fingers.

‘Hmm?’ Arm asks, reaching for the remote of hi TV, switching through the channels.

‘They were serving tempura earlier, it’s pretty suspicious that you didn’t join us for lunch’ Off asks, trying to ease into the hard part, which is totally broken by Arm’s next question.

‘So you saw her?’

‘Yeah’

Arm sighs, finishing off his sandwich before completely looking back to his friend, who’s now got his arms beneath his head, looking up at him.

‘What do you want me to say?’ Arm rolls his eyes, earning a pillow to his face for being snarky.

‘I just want to ask how you are feeling?’

Arm took a moment to think back on what he’s really feeling about the situation. Even if he really thinks about it, there’s no doubt that he couldn’t do anything more.

‘I’m glad to see that she’s happy’ Arm forced a smile, putting the pillow back on top of his bed.

‘Bullshit, you really want me to believe that?’ Off scoffs, rolling to a more comfortable position. Off is not usually this harsh to anyone but he knows that this is the only method that would be effective to his friend.

Arm shakes his head, he doesn’t believe it himself. ‘She’s getting married Off, it’s too late for any fuckery’

‘Do you want me to help you crash the wedding?’ Off jokingly suggested, sitting up and resting his back against the headboard.

‘Shall we?’

There was a moment of silence with them just looking at each other before they both bursted out laughing.

‘Stupid ass’ Off laughs, reaching out to mess with Arm’s hair before he stands up, walking towards the door. Arm looking down on his bed, feeling the familiar pull on his stomach whenever he thinks of her.

‘You coming?’ Off called out, looking back to Arm before he twisted the doorknob.

Arm smiles before putting his keys inside his pocket, following close behind.

* * *

‘I mean, is it that easy for her to forget about me? Why would she get married when I couldn’t even get myself to search for another? This is so unfair, she is so unfair’ Arm cried out, making Off shake his head towards the bartender who’s about to ask them for another shot. Looking at Arm he doesn’t look like he’ll be able to get out of bed tomorrow if he drinks another shot of alcohol.

This is the fifth time Arm asked about this, and his answer would still be the same.

‘It’s not about that Arm, it’s life and the shitty things that happens in it.’ He sighs trying to get Arm to stand up. Maybe it’s time for them to head back, who knows what Arm will do if they stayed at the bar even longer. It’s not good especially when their co-workers are around.

‘Well, could life just fuck off for a moment?’ Arm slurs when Off finally got him on his feet.

‘Okay I’ll tell life that, when I get the chance’ Off tries to make an excuse, putting his friend’s arm around his neck.

‘You should and tell it to just get you and Gun together, it’s annoying me’ Arm groans, earning a chuckle from Off.

‘Your sad face annoys me when we talk about him’ Arm continues when they got out into the open air. Off continues to drag him until they are in front of his room once again.

‘Okay, I’ll tell that too’ Off answers, reaching out inside his friends pockets, searching for keys.

‘Dude, what are you doing? I don’t think our friendship will surpass it if something happens between us, I don’t think our bond is that strong’ Arm said, almost making Off push him away, but he decided to just suck it up and throw his friend back to its room.

‘I’m taking your keys, dumbass’ Off rolled his eyes.

‘It’s tickling me’

‘Do you want to sleep out here then?’ Off groans before he got a hold of the keys into his friend’s room.

When he successfully opens the door, he threw Arm on top of it’s bed before turning around and leaving, not even checking if Arm got a comfortable sleeping position, what matters most is that he got his friend back in one piece, he’ll deal with the complaints tomorrow.

The ocean breeze slaps his skin as he was about to walk back into his hut, he looks into the ocean, realizing how compelling it is. It’s a shame he didn’t get to swim in it as they are all going back tomorrow after lunch.

He puts his hands into the pockets of his shorts as he breathes in the salty air, the ocean has always been his happy place. He loves how it doesn’t care if it’s waves will crash, for it will only form bigger and stronger ones. For a moment in his life he was like that too, but he’s not really sure if the waves he formed was strong enough because the moment he saw Gun once again, all of it came crashing into bubbles that disappear into thin air.

He continues his walk back towards his room, looking around the place. This resort is actually very pretty, you could see that the atmosphere is built for team buildings and family gatherings because it has more than one attraction, at the side it also has zip lining, wall climbing, and other activities that people could enjoy. Some of their co-workers even tried those out but he didn’t really want to participate since he’s not very athletic as everyone probably saw from his performance on the games earlier today.

He looks around ones more, maybe he could come back some other time when it’s not for work. Maybe he could enjoy these things in his own accord, but he just know that that is not this weekend since it’s not really fitting to fall into his ass trying these activities when he’s in front of his employees.

Well, more than what they saw from earlier.

He couldn’t help but smile as he remembers Gun’s face being so competitive while shooting him some side glances when he was pulling the rope to make sure that he sees how he’s not as clumsy as he is.

‘Off?’ Someone said, catching his attention before he reaches the front of his hut. As he turn his head around, he saw the one occupying his mind, swinging on one of the swing sets at the side.

‘I’m pretty sure those are for children’ Off shakes his head, making his way towards Gun. ‘Well, you are built like a child but that’s besides the point’ He added, teasing Gun.

‘I’m starting to regret calling you over here’ Gun rolls his eyes, even though he’s not sure if Off would see.

‘Why did you?’

‘Why did I what?’

‘Why did you call me over here?’ Off doesn’t know if he’s still making any sense but he doesn’t want an excuse to go back to his room.

Not right now, that is.

Gun shrugs, Off’s fingers found their way towards the chains of the swing next to Gun. There’s no way this could hold his figure, so he just decided to lean into one of the poles next to it, watching as Gun enjoy his time swinging back and forth.

‘I don’t know exactly but I figured that having you here might make me look less of a creep swinging on a children’s swing set’

‘Great point’

They let the moment engulf them before Gun spoke. ‘Are you ready to get back to work?’ He asked just to fill the air.

‘Well, technically we’re still working even when we’re here, the only difference is that we get to see the ocean once in awhile’

Gun sighs, ‘I guess you’re right’

‘I’ll make sure to get back here when I get the chance and when that day comes I’ll make sure to have myself between those ocean waves’

Gun used his feet to stop the motion of the swing before looking at Off, ‘Wait, you’re telling me you didn’t get the chance to swim?’

‘Not yet’ He shakes his head..

‘Why not?’ Gun looks at him directly in the eyes like it’s the most normal thing in the world.

‘I don’t know, I just didn’t have a chance to do so’

‘Well that’s a shame, the water is wonderful’ Gun smiled remembering the time New dragged Mild into a deeper part of the ocean.

‘Rub more alcohol into my wounds will yah’ He smirks, the cold metal of the pole digging into his back the more he leans into it.

The place is well lit for something rarely visited at night and besides it is a small garden full of flowers he couldn’t name.

‘I didn’t think that this place would be this pretty considering that we didn’t spend that much into this activity’ Gun smiled, breathing in the fresh air he doesn' usually get in the city.

‘I know, I didn’t think it would be this nice either. My father is actually a shareholder in this resort but it’s also my first time going in here’ He informed, anything the he could say would do.

Anything, even the smallest of things when he’s with Gun would be worth his time.

‘Did you enjoy your time?’ He asks all of a sudden, taking Gun by surprise.

‘Are you asking that as my boss or?’ Gun teased, looking at Off suspiciously.

‘I don’t know as Off maybe?’ Off tilted his head, the moonlight bouncing off the metal poles.

Gun took a moment to think about it, after a long time this is exactly what he needed , an excuse to free his mind from the noises of the city. Fresh air to linger on his skin that will remind him that he's is in the moment of being alive. Not someone that is tied with the past, but a living breathing person that could have moments that is worth remembering.

‘Yeah, I did. I enjoyed it’ He answered honestly, there’s no point in denying that even if it’s just for a couple of days he got to forget everything that is not in the moment. 

‘Good as in good?’

‘Good as in good’

* * *

Hearing those words from Gun ignited something in him that he didn’t know he had. Suddenly there’s this voice telling him to seize the day and just say whatever it is he wanted to say long ago. There’s this voice telling him that he doesn’t want to repeat the past and that he doesn’t have to.

Maybe this sudden surge of courage is the alcohol in his system or maybe it’s the atmosphere and the sound of the waves.

But at this very moment, this feels like the right thing to do.

The right words to say.

That’s why as he watches Gun walk towards the door of his room, he clears his throat as he close his eyes.

‘Gun’ He called out.

His heartbeat stopped as Gun looks back at him, smiling.

‘Gun, I like you’

As soon as those words left his mouth, it scared him.

It’s scared him not because of the confusion lingering on Gun’s face but the firmness of his heart.

It scared him that he doesn’t feel any regret, not even a little bit.

Not even at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long and thank you for waiting. :)


	21. 19: I think I might give up everything, just ask me to.

**_**7 years ago** _ **

_‘I think I like you’ Oab says as they are waiting for their coffees that they ordered at the cafe they went to after class. There was nothing special about this day, so when Gun looks up to see if Oab was joking his heart stopped as he met the eyes the doesn’t look like it’s joking around._

_“W-What?’ He managed to choke out._

_‘I like you Gun’ Oab repeated but this time with much more conviction than earlier._

_The panic started creeping in internally as Gun struggles to find the right words to say, for a moment it felt like an ambush, like he wasn’t given the chance to think about his next move. Like he was thrown into a battle without giving him a single armor or weapon._

_He was about to say a word but as he looks up to Oab, he remembers all the time they spent together for almost two months already. It would be stupid of him to think that there are no hidden agenda in the way Oab accompanies him on his way home everyday in two months or in its kindness of just being by him all this time._

_Now that he really thinks about it, maybe he likes Oab too. There’s no other excuse as to why his heart feels heavy, but in a good way, whenever he’s with the guy in front of him. There’s no other reason as to why he could almost feel sad whenever they part ways at the end of the day and how he feels excited whenever he receives an invitation to go out on Saturdays, other than to think that he likes him too._

_He never had any experiences from the past to compare this to, and everything that is churning in his stomach is all so new to him, but if you’ll ask him he’s ready to gamble it all to try new things, and maybe Oab is worth rolling his dies into._

_He smiles, ‘I have to warn you first, I am not very good at this stuff’ he says, earning a chuckle from Oab._

_‘No one is’ Oab winks, before their number was called as their orders are now ready at the counter._

* * *

‘What?’ Gun finally breathed out after processing what he thinks he heard. He took a step closer back to Off, looking up to see what his boss meant by it.

Off looks down at the ground, thinking if he should just make a joke out of the situation, it’s never too late to turn things around, but no, he waited enough.

He waited long enough, and if he’s going to keep things to himself any longer he might not be able to see the day that he’ll gather enough courage to say it. It’s not like he’s expecting Gun to reciprocate the feelings.

It’s not like he’s assuming anything would even happen between them but it’s the heaviness that would be lifted up from his chest and the freedom he would get from getting so caught up with his feelings.

It is selfish, if you think about it, but he has been giving in all his life and he figures if it’s with Gun then maybe he could be selfish.

Maybe he could be reckless.

‘I said, I like you Gun’ He looks up, bravely meeting Gun’s eyes that are full of confusion. ‘No, actually I don’t know if you could even call this “like”,’ He brushes his hair up that has been blocking his eyes from looking down.

He laughs softly at himself, at how he lets himself go just like that and it made him think what would have happened if he did this when he first met Gun. What would have happened if he just talked with him on that afternoon at the library.

Would it even matter?

Would it even make a difference?

It’s too late to dwell on his the what ifs. The important thing is he’s here right now in front of the one he might be in love to. He’s in front of that same boy that made him question his heart for a moment but also gave him clarity.

He’s in front of the same boy that whom always seems so far away from him.

His almost.

‘Gun I think I’m in love with you.’ He croaked out, his hands shaking.

He doesn’t want to make the same mistake of waiting for the perfect moment to say it, the perfect day, the perfect words, because perfect just doesn’t happen. If he keeps waiting on it then he would only be caged with superficial ideas and it may cost him his shot with Gun once again.

Gun took a step closer, looking up at him. He looks back at Gun only to see it smiling at him but you couldn’t miss the hesitation written all over its face.

‘What? You’re kidding right?’ Gun asks, it’s not like he’s rejecting Off, it’s just that he’s lost for words. His body becoming frozen with every single second passing by them. He tried to search for Off’s eyes which has been avoiding his for the past minutes and when he finally caught them he knows that what he was saying was far from just a mere joke.

His heart stopped beating once again as he tries to swallow the lump growing in his throat. He couldn’t help but cough awkwardly before speaking.

‘You want to go for a swim?’

* * *

‘What? You said what now?’ New exclaimed, making Gun groan.

It’s their first day back into the office and New is already getting into his nerves. After what happened last night he figured that telling it to someone would be the best option for him to release the anxiety it has been giving him and who would he trust the most than his boss-slash-friend New, although there was a long moment of hesitation before he made up his mind to tell everything. Since New has a bigmouth after all, but if he keeps it to himself, who knows what he might do next.

‘Yeah, I couldn’t think of anything else to say to him. How do you expect me to react to that?’ He shrugs before pulling on his hair.

‘So you asked him for a swim instead?’ New laughs, tapping on his office desk.

‘Fuck’ Gun groans, memories from last night came flashing back into his mind making him want to cringed to death.

‘Then?’ New raises his eyebrow at him.

‘Then what?’

‘Then what the fuck happened?’ As soon as this words came out of New’s mouth Gun avoided eye contact urging New even more into getting details out of him.

‘What do you mean what happened, nothing fucking happened, that’s the end of the story’

‘You’re face right now is telling me otherwise,’ New stands up walking towards him, crossing his arms over his chest. ‘What is it huh? What the fuck happened? Did you fuck on the beach?’

‘What?’ Gun exclaimed, he could his cheeks getting warm already. ‘Why would I do that?’

‘Why won’t you do that?’ New smirks suggestively.

‘I don’t know because I’m not you?’

‘Oh please,’ New dismisses him with his right hand. ‘Like you’re that much different from me’

He rolls his eyes at New, maybe coming in this office to hide from Off during lunchtime is way worse than just staying at his desk and pretending what happened didn’t affect him.

‘Are you going to tell me what happened or am I going to have to barge into his office and ask him myself?’ New threatened, shifting his weight.

‘Just, just, let me process it first okay? and then I’ll tell you’ He sighs, looking down at his watch. Lunch is almost over and he has to go back to his fucking desk now. Great.

‘Fine’ New groans, ‘But I’m expecting for the full ass story once you came back barging in here’

‘Whatever’ he said finally before exiting the room.

What the hell is he supposed to do now?

* * *

‘You look stressed’ Tay said as New sat on the plastic chair in front of him.

Eating out here has become their weekly date since the night he brought New here to get a taste of his childhood.

New sighs, ‘Some people are just thrown into my life to stress me out I swear’ he says, massaging his temples.

‘Why? Am I stressing you out that much?’

New rolls his eyes before making a face at Tay, ‘You know its not you’

‘Who is it then?’ Tay sips on his coconut juice as he looks at New in front of him, with his necktie loose and his hair all over the place. He would have laughed if it wasn’t afraid of getting no sex for another three nights.

‘I wish I could just tell you you know? but it’s really not mine to tell’

‘Well then don’t stress yourself out too much’ He stated, seeing New nod from his seat.

He scoop some of the rice between them into New’s plate before putting some into his. After a couple minutes of just the traffic noise filling in the air, he almost thought that New got over his dilemma. He groans when he hears New get back to it once again.

‘But why would someone start a fucking story and not finish it? If I don’t get sleep tonight because of my curiosity eating me up, I’m gonna beat his ass’

Tay laughed at how New’s eyebrows furrow when his annoyed at something, he’s gotten used to it right now. New has always been a control freak and it’s one of the things he admires about him. Well, sometimes.

The night went on with just New ranting what’s stressing him out, from the smallest thing to the grandest with Tay just chuckling by himself, trying to calm him down once in a while.

* * *

Gun picks on his peas as his toes curled up inside his dress shoes. He has to look up for some excuses on the internet when your boss asks you out to dinner because this is killing him.

‘I shouldn’t have told you huh?’ Off suddenly spoke, taking him by surprise.

He sighs, ‘No it’s not that, it’s just that-’

‘Gun you can tell me if I’m making you uncomfortable then I’ll stop. It’s not going to be easy but I don’t want you feeling uneasy every time I’m around, that’s even going to affect your job’

‘No I’m sorry it’s fine. I’m fine. It’s just that, I am so embarrassed. Every single thing that I do whenever I’m with you is just so careless and embarrassing.’ He confessed, it’s better to just get this over with.

He looks up to see Off trying to stop himself from grinning, making him roll his eyes at him.

‘Are you talking about-’

‘Shhh I don’t want to be reminded’

Off finally reached his limit as he couldn’t control the laughter coming out of his mouth.

‘Okay laugh, that would make me feel better’ He rolled his eyes, he could feel his ears heating up. It’s probably getting redder at each second.

‘Well you were the one who suggested we go swimming’ Off chuckles, slicing the meat on his plate.

‘Well you were the one who-' He tried to protest his way out of this conversation but he knows he would just feel even more embarrassed if he said it out loud so he just chose not to continue,

'Can we just forget about it?' He pleaded but with the looks on Off’s smirk he knows that wouldn’t happen.

‘Well you can forget about it all you want but it’s going to stay right here forever’ Off jokes, pointing at his temple. Gun sighs, sometimes Off really does act like a fucking child on the loose. He's way worse than Gun is.

‘I’m kidding by the way. Fine, I’ll try to forget about it except for special occasions’ Off says, taking a piece of meat into his mouth before attempting to smile sweetly.

The sound of chatters from the people around them is the only ting they could hear for a moment before Off spoke up, ‘And it’s not bad to let loose once in awhile. Be careless, It’s fun’

* * *

_‘You want to go for a swim?’ He arches his eyebrow waiting for Off to answer before he saw it nod it’s head despite the confusion._

_He’s confused too as to why he suggested it, alright? It’s not like he’s the best at handling these stuff. Before he even backs out, he abandons any doubts in his head as he reaches for Off’s hand, pulling him towards the sea, the sand hitting the back of his leg as he picks up the speed while looking behind him to make sure that this is still okay for Off. When he saw Off chuckling he knows that there’s no reason for him to second guess himself anymore._

_As they arrived at the shore he lets go of Off hand to go behind it and push it in the water but Off is so much more quicker than he is so it pulled him towards the water, submerging the both of them. He screams out as he feels the freezing water envelope his whole body._

_Off’s laugh is the last thing he heard before he was completely underwater. It’s hard to see since the it’s almost midnight but he felt peace. The silence that overtook his system while he was underwater gave him peace and for a moment he doesn’t want it to end but like everything in his life of course he has to stay afloat and face life once again._

_He swam up and it feels like he wasn’t able to breathe for a very long time. It awakens the adrenaline surging through his body as he search for the guy he dragged into the water. He was about to freak out when he couldn’t spot Off anywhere near him when he it swam up and that’s when he realized that they are closer than he expected._

_The moonlight looks different when it’s hitting Off’s face and he doesn’t know if it’s just because Off just confessed his heart out to him or if Off always looks like this._

_It’s not long when he felt Off hands on his waist pulling him and suddenly he became weak. He let’s the force pull him even closer up to the point where he could feel Off’s upper body touching his and Off’s breath brushing up against his neck._

_He’s breathless as Off looks into his eyes down to his lips, leaning in._

_He doesn’t have it in him to look away. He doesn’t have the strength to turn his head away, all he knows is that this feels like something he has been waiting for for such a long time and now its finally here. Which is kind of weird because he was for sure not waiting for this to happen._

_But right now this feels right._

_He snakes his arms around Off’s neck and it almost feel like anywhere he touches is burning and his hands couldn’t stop moving from one place down to another, exploring._

_Before he even knows it his legs are already wrapped around Off’s torso, closing the gaps between their bodies._

_There are certain moments in his life where he would just say ‘Fuck it’ and this is most definitely one of those moments because eventhough he has no idea on how he will react tomorrow he still chooses to carry on._

_He closes his eyes, waiting for Off to cross the distance between their lips when he heard it whisper something, sending shivers down his spine._

_‘It’s so fucking cold’_

_Wait, what?_

_He opens his eyes to see Off smirking down at him, making him want to punch it’s face. But he’s so deep into his trance that the next moment he just felt Off splashing water to his face, earning a groan from him._

_‘Stop’_

_‘Make me’_

_Gun took that as a challenge as he swam after Off trying to get a hold of the other._


	22. 20: this city's gonna love me then leave me alone

****\- lunch?** **

Gun didn’t even bother stopping the smile that is forming on his lips as he reads the note settled on top of a pack of mini m&ms on his table, it’s been more than a week since they went to Pattaya and Off formed this habit of asking him to eat out almost every other day when they get the chance, and Gun doesn’t mind at all. It makes him feel more comfortable to be with Off in the office, plus, it’s not hurting anyone anyway so why not.

He puts the note inside his pocket before sitting on his chair and opening his computer. Now that he’s been working as Off’s secretary longer than he expected that he would be, he learned how to be more organized with everything, yes more than he already was, and he also maintained a very well kept inventory with the office supplies that they need in their everyday job. If you’ll ask him if there’s anything he would change in his work space, he wouldn’t be able to think of anything that is bothering him that much.

He’s too comfortable that its scary, actually.

He has always been very good in adapting with the people around him and Off is not that hard to get along with except for the random flirting.

Ever since that night, Off has developed all the courage he needs to have to be all out with how he “feels” for Gun, but Gun still doesn’t know where he would stand with it yet, but, he’s very grateful that Off makes sure that it wouldn’t make him uncomfortable in anyway.

Gun gets it, he knows that Off just wants to express himself to him and it’s good that he doesn’t get too pushy with it but if he’s being really honest he’s still not sure as to why Off would say that he takes a liking on him.

It just seem so far fetched seeing that it hasn’t been long since they knew about each other. Gun just doesn’t want to believe in any attraction developing that fast, except for infatuation, maybe that’s really what Off is feeling about him.

A mere infatuation. It will pass once they know each other even more.

Gun’s thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing from beside him.

 _‘Hello, Mr. Adulkittiporn’s office’_ He answered, waiting for the other person’s response.

 _‘Hello, is Jumpol there?’_ A voice that sounds like it’s coming from an elderly woman says. Judging by the tone and by the use of Off’s middle name, he could only guess that this is someone who’s not here for business.

 _‘I’m sorry but who’s speaking?’_ He asks once again.

_‘His mother’_

He gulps, he very bad with dealing with mothers, and he realized that the hard way.

_‘Oh I’m sorry Mrs. Adulkittiporn, would_ _you_ _want me to take a message?’_

_‘Actually, could you do me a favor instead?’_ Now it’s her time to ask him a question which only made him even more nervous.

 _‘Yes ma’am’_ He shakes his head, this kind of things really makes him feel uneasy so most of the time he sound too formal for his sake.

 _‘Could you be a sweetheart and drag his ass back home? And If you can, please don’t let him know unless you’re already nearby, that would save you a lot of troubles’_ She commanded, her words shocking him.

 _‘I-’_ He almost protested, saying that he couldn’t possibly do that without getting himself into trouble but she beats him into talking first.

 _‘Drag him by the ears if you need to, just get him back home today’_ and with that she hangs up the phone.

Gun sighs, putting the phone back to it’s place before scratching the back of his neck. Now how could he possibly do that? Maybe start with asking on where the hell exactly that his parents live?

Fuck. He just hopes Off will not sue him after this.

* * *

‘Ready for lunch?’ Off asks, fixing his tie before taking off his eyeglasses to look at Gun sitting on its desk.

‘Yeah, let’s go’ Gun nodded, taking his wallet and his keys before standing up and leading the way. He doesn’t want to have any unnecessary conversation with Off that might worsen his situation, so he decided to walk in a hurry. After much thinking he figured that it would cause him more trouble if he ignores what Off’s mother wanted him to do. Though, he still has his doubts, he decided to carry on with it and ask Arm on where Off’s parents live.

When he says it’s even harder to convince Arm to tell him the exact address, he’s not lying. It seems like Arm really likes teasing people and he was not an exemption, but luckily after a lot of convincing and pleading out of his will, Arm told him where it was located.

‘So where are we going for lunch?’ Off asks curiously when Gun went straight to his own car, which is very unusual seeing that they often have lunch on nearby places.

‘I heard about this place near Silom that we could try out’ He almost groans as soon as he said that, he hates lying out of nowhere because it puts him on the spot, and for someone who gets nervous easily it is not very ideal, but he doesn’t really have a choice right now.

‘That far out?’ Off stopped walking, looking at him suspiciously.

‘Yeah, I heard about this great buffet that serves brunch all day, I think we should try it out’ He said looking back and maintaining eye contact as to not give himself away. He knows how much Off loves buffets so he decided to use one as an excuse.

‘Can’t we just go to the buffet down the street that we usually go to?’

‘Well I don’t know I just thought we should try it, do you not want to?’

‘How about-’

‘Your schedule is cleared out for the day if that’s what you’re about to ask’ He raises his eyebrow, he not sure why he’s trying so hard to make this happen either but one moment he’s trying to convince him to go and the next they’re in the car on the way to either a disaster or a blessing.

They’ll know once they got there.

‘So what did my mother say to convince you to make me come home?’ Off asks suddenly breaking the silence, and Gun swears he almost crash the car from the sudden confrontation.

Fuck was he that obvious?

He’s a bad liar, that’s what this is.

‘Mother? Who’s mother’ He tried once more, though he doubts Off would even believe him, but he could at least say he tried, right?

Off sighs, ‘She always does this, last time Arm even considered drugging me to carry my unconscious body back home’ Even though he knows Off is exaggerating he still is curious as to why Off’s mother would ask someone to bring her son back home and not Off directly.

Off rested his head on the window next to him. ‘So what did she say?’

‘She said to drag you by the ears if needed’ He answered honestly, earning a laugh from Off who is now looking at him. Maybe he should have told Off sooner to save himself all that trouble of asking Arm and getting teased.

‘We need to work on your conviction of not getting persuaded by her that easily, she can be sly if she wants to be. Even more than today’

‘You hate going back home that much?’ Gun asks as he turns another corner after the seeing the green light.

‘I wouldn’t say hate, I just have a crazy family and I like my peace’ Off answered briefly and he didn’t have any other reason to push it.

It took them almost thirty minutes to get to their destination because of the heavy Bangkok traffic. As soon as he parked the car, Off immediately went out walking towards the entrance, confusing him for a moment if whether its okay for him to follow behind or if he should wait in the car. After seeing Off look behind him to see if he’s following, he decided that it’s better to just go inside even when he knew that that would be way more awkward. He took the key before going out and following Off.

‘Hello Mother’ Off called out as soon as he spots his mom in their living room.

‘Hello Son, what brings you here?’ She smirks at him making him groan out of frustration, his mother is such a pain.

If Gun wasn’t at all nervous he would have noticed how Off looks nothing alike like his mother, it’s like they’re distant cousins considering how young she looks for her age. Her eyes wandered from Off to Gun, eyeing him from head to toe. ‘So you’re the darling who’s kind enough to get this rascal back home’ She smiled at him. Despite of her intimidating appearance and clothes, her smile is as warm is it could possibly get, easing Gun’s nerves a little bit.

‘When will you stop bothering other people?’ Off sighs, sitting on the sofa in front of his mother, motioning for Gun to do the same.

‘Oh I don’t know, maybe when you start visiting me without being asked to do so and when you stop ignoring my calls like a normal son would?’ She rolled her eyes at him, reaching out for the tea cup in front of her, blowing on it before sipping some of its content.

‘I am not ignoring your calls, I’m an adult, I’m busy with work’ Off placed his arms on the headrest of the sofa, shaking his head to his mom.

‘Could you believe him? He’s got a company in just what, two months? Then suddenly he’s too “busy” to talk to his own mother?’ She turn towards Gun who’s got no choice but to shrug his shoulders, what he doesn’t want right now is to be in the middle of a mother and son dilemma. She took one look at him and suddenly remember something. ‘Oh I’m sorry sweetie, it’s very rude of me to forgot to ask about your name, how should I call you again?’ She titled her head waiting for him to answer.

‘Gun ma’am, Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat’ Gun asnwered standing up and reaching his hand out for her to shake.

‘Gun?’ She asked, turning back to her son, ‘As in the Gun-’

‘So mother what’s for lunch?’ Off cleared his throat, diverting the topic into something else, thankfully she got the message pretty quick as she shook Gun’s hand and started talking about how she never cooks.

‘With these nails honey, you can’t expect me to cook’ She pursed her lips, shaking her head towards Gun. ‘But I asked our cook to make your favorite dishes, I think it will be ready in a couple of minutes’ She informed, and Gun decided that it’s the right time for him to go since he doesn’t really want to invade the time the two got with each other.

He was asked to get Off back home, and that, he did.

‘If you’ll excuse me ma’am, I think it’s time for me to go’ He said, standing up and bowing his head before attempting to go back towards the exit.

‘Oh please call me auntie, every time someone calls me “ma’am” it adds another year to my youthful life’ She said dismissing him with her right hand, ‘and please stay, it would be rude to not ask you to join us for lunch when I owe you his presence’ She said, pointing towards Off.

‘I-’ He was about to say something when he was once again cut off by her.

‘Please, I insist’

Gun nodded his head, sitting back down to watch the two bicker. Growing up, he didn’t really get the chance to form this kind of bond with his mom, he always feels controlled and kept by her that it was a breather when he moved out into his own apartment. It’s like he doesn’t love his mother its just that their relationship is more shallow compared to how Off carries himself while talking to his mom. His thoughts were disrupted when he heard something that caught his attention.

‘Just try and convince your brother to take another test and apply to his dream school once again, its such a shame to let talent go to waste’ She sighs, shaking her head. Off nodded his head in response. If Gun remembers it correctly Off’s brother’s name is Jaylerr, the one he met before that looks somewhat like Off.

‘I’ll try, but no promises, you know how he is’

‘I can’t believe I have two sons and none of them wants to go home, is it me? Is there something wrong with me that you guys hate so much?’

‘You just raised two independent children mom, you don’t have to worry about it’ Off makes up an excuse to not make her worry, well he couldn’t really say that no matter how perfect you think a household is, there is always something getting in between. ‘I’ll try and go talk some sense into him’

* * *

After lunch, Off insisted of driving but instead of going straight to the office he took a detour to a place he knows best. It’s the place he use to go to when he was a little bit younger.

It’s a small hanging bridge that was placed just right around the corner, two blocks away from his house. He accidentally stumbled across it when he was seventeen years old, luckily it’s still here, but time evidently didn’t do it any good. The paint that was once vibrant is now faded and chipped, and some of the steps are wobbly and crooked, but it doesn’t matter since it’s not that high up.

He remembers the time he use to spend here if he just wanted some time to think. He never had the chance to visit it again once he moved to his condo unit. Now, since he’s in the area, why not give it a little peek. Ignoring Gun’s questions he went straight to his usual spot, tapping the spot beside him to encourage Gun to follow him.

‘Are you sure this won’t break?’ Gun asks, gripping the rope at the end of the bridge with his eyes wide.

‘Well I can’t say that I am entirely sure but-’

‘Okay then bye, I’ll wait in the car’ Gun scoffs, taking a step backward with Off laughing at the look on his face.

‘I’m kidding, yes I think it’s safe. Now, come on, we are not getting any younger’ Off smirks, tapping the wood beside him.

Gun breathes out, even though Off doesn’t look too convincing he just went with it since they’re already here anyways. He walks towards Off with every shaky step wobbling the bridge even harder. He almost screams when he thought he would trip on one of the wooden planks that are elevated than the others but luckily his reflexes saved him. He plops down next to Off, extending his feet into one of the holes of it, copying Off’s position.

His hand grips the rope in front of him before he lets loose and swings his feet back and forth, the mid day air brushing past into his neck. He couldn’t believe he’s in here witting on a hanging bridge with his boss on their suits.

This is so out of context.

This is so not him.

‘Care to explain why we’re here?’ He asks, raising his eyebrow at Off, who is now looking straight ahead. Below is a small body of water that looks too shallow to even cause them any harm and in front of them is an empty land that is not too grand to be called paradise but he could say that the wind is almost too peaceful to even be real.

‘I used to go here a lot before I went to college, I just wanted to see if it’s still the same’ Off smiles, looking at him. The wind brushing his hair back.

‘I never thought there’s a place like this in the city’

‘Yeah, I never imagined I would even find something like this in this neighborhood’ Off nodded.

For a moment no one could think of anything to say and Gun liked that. He like the sound of the leaves from the nearby trees rustling from the wind. He likes to look at the stream of water free flowing from beneath him and the feel of the warm day against his face. After all, it’s not Thailand if it won’t make you sweat after the first five minutes of being outside.

He smiled, closing his eyes. There’s something about this day that makes him think about his childhood. Maybe it’s the smell of grass and soil that he used to smell whenever he plays tag with his friends on their backyards or maybe it’s the vibrant colors of the sky as the sun is about to set that he used to look forward seeing while he was still young.

There’s something about today that reminds him of himself.

He hums as he leans his head into one of the ropes, suddenly the fear that he has from earlier vanished. Just like that.

He opens his eyes when he feels eyes boring holes into his face. He looks up to see Off looking at him but he looks like his mind is somewhere else.

‘Off, why do you say you like me?’ He asks suddenly. He doesn’t really want to ask so upfront but his curiosity got to the best of him.

Despite of the panic and the rush that it gave Off he still tried to answer the question as earnestly as he could, ‘I don’t know really. Do people really have a reason when they like someone?’

‘Well yeah, I guess so’ Gun shrugs, thinking about how he could list all the things he liked about Oab.

‘If that the case then I would say that I like how you just give life whenever you enter a room’ Off answers, looking down when he felt his cheeks heating up.

‘Bullshit, I’m like the most plain person there is’ He laughs, he doesn’t know what he expected Off would say but it’s definitely not this. He doesn’t know if that a good thing or a bad thing and he’s not really sure if he cares.

‘I don’t know what you are completely but I know what you are not and that is that word, plain. Maybe you don’t recognize it but it’s the things you do whenever you think no one’s looking,’ Off laughs before continuing, ‘That came out wrong, I sounded like a total creep’

Now it’s Gun’s turn to laugh, ‘Yeah you did’

‘Sorry, it just came so naturally to me. I think being a creep is my true form’ Off jokes, lifting up the atmosphere. ‘But seriously, it’s the way you just give this assurance to the people around you that there would be better days. Well for me that’s how it feels like since the moment I set my eyes on you so I don’t really have a definite reason, I just do’

Gun doesn’t have anything better to do but to search for Off’s eyes, and it almost made him feel something, as he found the answer to a question he doesn’t know he has.

‘That’s sweet. You’re sweet Off’ He smiles softly before diverting his gaze into something else.

‘Oh wait, let me just’ Off said, taking his phone out of his pocket. It’s not too long till Gun heard the tune of a song he knows too well.

‘Now you’re just pushing it’ He shakes his head, his toes curling inside his shoes.

 _'I've been living with a shadow overhead, I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed’_ Off sings loud enough to echo into the empty field. Gun laughs at how the guy in front of him was supposed to be a future CEO of the company he works for. Off doesn’t even care as he closes his eyes singing the words off key. It’s so funny to look at.

‘You’re so Cliché, you know that, right?’ Gun laughs, shaking his head.

 _‘I've been lonely for so long, trapped in the past I just can't seem to move on’_ Off almost screams on top of his lungs, this time there’s some swaying going on with his body.

Gun can’t stop laughing as he watch the guy in front of him full on perform. It’s not until when the song reach it’s chorus that Gun unconsciously hums the melody of the songs.

‘See you want to do it too, don’t be shy. I’m pretty sure nobody’s around’ Off laughs encouraging him.

 _‘All I want to do is find a way back into love, I can't make it through without a way back into love’_ Gun sings even more out of key than Off. ‘Ew, can we stop?’ He laughs when they passed the first chorus.

‘Oh, we’re not done baby, dance with me?’

‘Are you insane?’

‘Maybe’ Off wiggles his eyebrow, standing up and extending his hand out to Gun. This has got to be a joke. Gun rolls his eyes before he stands up, taking Off hands into his. He didn’t think that he would ever do something as cheesy and insane as this, but he couldn’t deny the rush that it’s bringing him.

‘Off!’ He screams as the bridge wiggles hard, it’s hard to maintain his balance.

Off laughs, ‘Wrong place to do shit like this huh?’

‘You think?’ He widened his eyes but they continued to dance into the music from Off’s phone.

_And if I open my heart to you_

_  
_ _I'm hoping you'll show me what to do_

_  
_ _And if you help me to start again_

_  
_ _You know that I'll be there for you in the end._

He lets Off sway into an unsynchronized dance. His stomach hurting from laughing too much, this is way too much for him to handle, it got to a point where he felt tears besides his eyes from laughing so hard.

‘Why do you have this song?’ He asks, just to be met with a shrug.

‘Please don’t tell Arm, he thinks I listen to rap songs or some shit’

Their pace slowed down as the moment is almost getting into an end.

Like Déjà vu he felt it again, that strong pull in the pit of his stomach as looks at how Off’s eyes close when he’s laughing and how he’s making faces while lip syncing into the song. To finish it off, Off decided to spin in him into a little twirl just to reach the maximum cheesiness they could ever achieve, but knowing the both of them of course things wouldn’t just go smoothly as Gun stumbles to his feet, causing the both of them to lose their balance and fall into their asses, rocking the bridge in the process.

‘Shit’ He groans, when he felt his hip hit the wooden planks, thankfully they didn’t ruin the bridge in the process. He opens his eyes when he felt something heavy on top of him, and yes that “something heavy” is his boss.

‘Ow’ Off said, chuckling as he sees Gun below him with furrowed eyebrows. He didn’t plan with going this far, okay?

His smile faded when he felt his breath hitching up in his throat as he looks down at Gun. Will it be too much of him if he just cross the distance between them and taste what he has been waiting for since forever? The last time he had this chance he got too much into his head that he lost it and there’s no fucking way he’ll lose it again.

He held his breath as he inch closer to Gun, testing the waters and seeing if Gun will agree into doing this. He doesn’t want any pressure in Gun’s side.

Before he could even think about it there’s hands on the nape of his neck, pulling him in close until he felt soft lips on his own. He couldn’t help but close his eyes as the feeling met every expectations he had and more. Gun’s lips are like pillows pressed into his and he doesn’t know what to do about the surge of excitement cursing through his body as their lips started moving. Though it took quite awhile for them to find the right pace that suits them both, it was for sure amazing.

The kiss was short and brief but it was more than enough for him.

 _This boy is gonna break my heart, and I might just be crazy enough to let him._ Off thought before standing up and prying Gun up.


	23. 21: Speak Now

****‘**** You’re really that happy huh?’ Off looks up to see Arm crossing his arm over his chest, walking towards his desk. His eyeglasses sliding down the bridge of his nose as he did, he used his pointer finger to slide it back up so that he could see his friend clearly. His eyesight is not that bad, but whenever he’s doing some paper works it tends to worsen due to eye sore requiring him to use his glasses most of the times.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m literally working’ He sighs, ignoring his friend. Ever since he told Arm about what is going on between him and Gun, mostly because it forced him to, his friend hasn’t stop bothering him, saying how he looks light on his feet and giddy, which he couldn’t totally disagree with, since that’s exactly how he feels on the inside.

‘Yeah you may look like you’re working but your smile tells me "middle school girl who just got asked to prom" ’ Arm smirks, taking his favorite spot which is the sofa in front of Off’s table. ‘So, how was he?’

‘What do you mean?’ He raises his head to meet Arm’s curious gaze.

‘I mean, how is he dealing with all of these? Is he okay with taking the first steps with you now? Is he even ready for that?’ Arm titled his head, asking the questions Off has been trying to avoid thinking.

‘You know, I don’t really know what you’re up to. First, you want us to get together almost as soon as possible and now you’re asking me these questions?’ He rolled his eyes, throwing his scratch paper towards Arm who looks smug in his seat.

‘Well if its up to me then yes, of course I want you guys to be together already. I want you to be happy, duh. All I’m saying is I don’t want you regretting anything after this okay? You’ve already hurt yourself enough for this lifetime.’ Arm shrug, sitting upright with a very serious look on his face that Off rarely sees. ‘Just make sure that he’s ready and that you are also ready to be the rebound’ Arm continues, chuckling dryly.

‘A rebound huh?’

‘What else would you call it? Don’t worry being the rebound isn’t entirely bad. I mean, it could be, but it just means that it would take more patience from your side’

‘Arm, all I have is patience. I think I would be okay’ He chuckles, taking off his eyeglasses.

‘Still. It could be a long process’

‘Longer than the years I spent waiting?’

‘Who knows’

For a moment Off had to pause and think about it. He knows the stakes, it really is a gamble and it could be hot and cold, but what else could he lose? He did wait. He even let go at some point. There’s no regret that is waiting for him, he has to make sure of it. No matter what comes his way after all of this, then he could proudly say that he did everything that he could. He even gave himself and his time and he thinks it’s worth it, if it’s for Gun, then they could take everything away from him, see if he cares.

‘I love him Arm and if being with him makes me a rebound, an excuse to forget about Oab, then so be it. I don’t really care, I just hope that someday I’ll be able to see him smile not because of anyone but because of me.’ He leaned into his seat, reclining it in the process.

‘Shit dude’ Arm chuckles, shaking his head. ‘Okay. Okay I get it. I’m just making sure that you know what's on the table this time. Don’t worry I’ll always be right here making fun of you no matter what happens.’

‘Dude, do you have a crush on me or something?’ He jokes trying to ease the situation and to distract himself from the future possibilities.

‘As if. You’re not my type I’m sorry’

‘Oh right, your type is someone who’s about to get married’

‘That’s crossing the line Mister’ Arm looks at him like he would snap his neck anytime as soon as those words left his mouth, and he probably would try, if provoked even further.

‘But seriously what are you planning to do about it, are you even going to the wedding?’

After Arm told him yesterday that he also got an invitation, he didn’t know what else to say, this is something that is completely up to Arm, he doesn’t get to have anything to say about this topic, he just need to be there when that day comes, which is only couple of weeks away.

‘Am I going to the wedding? Of course I am going to the wedding, how else would I be able to stop it if I am not there?’ Arm smiles mischievously, scaring him for a second.

‘Are you really?’

‘No dumb ass, but I really am thinking of going to at least see her off’

‘You’re talking as if she’s dying’

‘Well she’s not but my heart might’ Arm wiggles his eyebrow.

‘Don’t be so dramatic' He shakes his head, looking at his friend who's grasping his shirt in the chest area, wrinkling it in the process 'but I should say you really love pain don’t you?’ He leans forward, stretching his arm in front of him.

‘I only got it from you, dad’ Arm winks before checking his watch and standing up, ‘I have to go now, I have to meet with some clients’ Arm said finally, turning his back to Off.

‘Arm?’

‘Hmm?’

‘Call me dad again and I’ll rip your face off, I’m not even kidding’

* * *

‘How’s my schedule for today?’ He asks as soon as he sees Gun enter his office.

‘Sir, I cleared out your schedule for the afternoon and I rescheduled most of them later this week’ Gun smiled, looking up from his checklist that he figured would be the most essential in his job.

He insisted of calling Off “Sir” in the office, because he still feels uncomfortable with just being casual even though he has been hanging out with Off a lot outside of work for almost every night of the week.

‘Okay’ Off nodded, ‘That’s good, thank you’ Off smiled at him, kind of suggesting that it is now his time to go back to his desk but he still has to say one thing.

‘Don’t be so nervous, he’s your brother, what’s the worst thing that could happen?’ He said, not entirely sure if that would help, but he hopes it will, since even he feels anxious with the way Off was fidgeting all morning.

‘Yeah you’re right, what’s the worst that could happen?’ Off nodded, and with that Gun left the room.

Leaving Off a little less nervous but not a lot more confident.

* * *

‘How have you been doing?’ Off tries to catch his breath as he run towards the ball being thrown towards him, managing to hit it back towards his brother.

‘I’m good. I mean, the same as before I guess’ Jaylerr answered, trying to match his brother’s pace.

After what his mother told him, Off couldn’t just let Jaylerr reject the invitations from his dream school so he decide to at least try and convince him. Ever since Jaylerr was in middle school he has been dreaming of going into this school that apparently only takes few students per semester and now that its in front of him, he’ll let it slip just like that?

‘I got a new job at this record store, the pay is much better than my last job and I actually care about what I’m doing’ Jaylerr stated, his breath getting uneven.

‘Well that’s good, I’m really proud of you’ He smiles as genuine as he could. He really is proud of his brother, he couldn’t imagine being as brave and independent as Jaylerr. Sometimes he even finds himself envious of Jaylerr’s guts to make it on his own, since he did almost everything with his dad’s money and even now he’s working in his father’s office.

He sometimes wish he could also take risks and not just take anything life throws at him.

‘Thanks’

‘How’s James?’

James is Jaylerr’s childhood friend, and it surprises Off how those two manages to stay being friends, let alone roommates, when they both have nothing in common.

‘To be honest, he’s doing better than I thought he would in college. He’s even a club president, would you believe that?’ His brother laughs, thinking of how James used to skip school when they were younger.

Off couldn’t help but smile at that thought, Jaylerr and James really came a long way, they used to be in so much trouble when they were still kids and now they’re working and making adult decisions.

‘About that, I heard you received an acceptance letter from BMDA, how did that go?’ He asks, trying to be as nonchalant as he could manage, which didn’t work at all. 

Jaylerr sighs, he knew his brother wouldn’t just call him over for nothing. If what he’s thinking is right then he knows where this is going. ‘I had to reject it for now, I’ll try again once I have enough money to actually pay for my tuition’

‘Why? Aren’t they only going to accept people twice?’

‘Yeah, so I guess I used up my first chance, don’t worry about it. I have it under control for now’

‘Do you?’

‘What does that supposed to mean?’ His brother asked, letting the ball hit the wall behind him, not bothering to even look behind.

‘I don’t mean anything by it Jay, it’s just hard for me to see you let that opportunity go to waste when I know you have been working hard to have good grades for it’

‘Well that’s life, I have to face it sooner or later anyways, I’m telling you don’t worry about it-’

‘I uhhh’ He started, his feeling getting heavier as he tries to find the right words, but he knows he has to tell it to Jaylerr anyway so he might as well just take off the bandage as soon as he could ‘I actually called BMDA about your application the other day’ He said, almost whispering as to try not to be so confronting about it.

‘You what?’

‘I’m sorry I know I shouldn’t pry on someone else’s -’

‘Damn right’ Jaylerr answered, annoyance evident on his face. ‘Please tell me you just ask to confirm about my acceptance’

‘Well I did more than that’ He answered truthfully, hoping Jaylerr wouldn’t get offended by his sudden attempt into helping, but by the look on Jaylerr’s face, it’s too late to redeem himself. ‘I asked them about your application and when they told me you haven’t rejected it yet, I went ahead and, I really hope you won’t be mad at me,’ He said, looking at the ground, ‘but I payed for the whole semester plus the acceptance fee’

His brother sighs before turning around, not even bothering to protest or at least hear him out.

‘Jay, Come on, think of it as anything you want but can you at least try? I seriously think it would be best for you’ He said, following Jaylerr towards the bleachers.

‘Yeah, because you know everything about me, right? Because you’re perfect and you’re never wrong about anything ever-’ Off stopped dead on his tracks when his brother turned around once again with this sudden outburst.

They don’t usually argue but maybe that’s because they don’t usually go together. Maybe it was just Off who was thinking that they have a really strong bond, that thought makes him feel sadder.

‘No, that’s not what I meant and you know it’

‘No, I don’t know it, Off. I don’t know what you mean by this or why you’re even trying. I don’t want to be some charity case you feel like you’re obligated to help, because technically I’m your brother.’

‘Would you please calm down, this is not what I meant when I did that. I really just wanted to help’

‘Well your help makes me feel this small’ Jaylerr explained, motioning with his pointer finger and thumb to prove his point.

‘Jay, I don’t know what the deal is’ He said finally, trying his hardest to meet his brothers eyes which only ends up getting rejected each time.

‘The deal is, Off, ever since my mom died I never fucking knew who I was anymore. Out of all people, you of all know that Music is the only thing I could call my own, you know that full well. So please let me do this with my own will. Could you do that?’ Jaylerr sighs, brushing his hair up before looking firmly at Off with an emotion Off couldn’t possibly read. ‘Thank you, but I don’t need you saving me from everything, I am not a fragile little bird with broken wings, Off’

Off felt a sudden surge of sadness curse through his body, this is not what he intended when he tried to help, but he couldn’t say that he didn’t expect this to happen either.

They met each other when he was fifteen and Jaylerr was eleven. What his dad told them was that he never really intended on getting someone else pregnant while he was married with Off’s mother but things happened and right after she died that’s the only time their dad knew about this “son” that he apparently had with this woman with a face almost gone from his memory. After taking some tests and proving that Jaylerr is in fact his son, they took Jay in, like a real part of the family.

Off’s brother, like he always was.

Well for Off maybe.

If Off could remember clearly, his mom’s exact words when they met Jaylerr was,

 _‘It turns out you’re a big brother now and it’s your duty to protect him and take care of him no matter what,_ _are we clear kiddo_ _?’_

They were both so thankful that there wasn’t really a major issue about Jay being part of their family with his mom, and you could tell that she treats him like her own, but there were nights where they could hear their dad and Off’s mother screaming at each other and Jaylerr knows that even though they wouldn’t say it directly, his existence is welcomed but not exactly loved in the household.

That’s what he thought, sometimes that’s also what he feels like, and he learned that in such a young age.

Since then he never really wanted to get into anybody’s way, he tried to be as invisible as possible, trying not to bother anyone with his presence, that’s the least he could do since an “outcast” like him doesn’t necessarily have a say on things, but Off wouldn’t let anything go between them as he always find excuses for them to hang out, like when he taught Jaylerr how to play tennis, making it the sport they both enjoy while they catch up with each other up until today.

‘Jaylerr, you are not a charity case’ Off started when he saw his brother packing up his things into his bag.

Jaylerr looks back at him. ‘Music is the only thing that is mine, It’s one of the only things that I remember from the important people from my life. So yeah, it is childish and prideful, but I really want to make it on my own.’ and with that he walks away, leaving Off sighing and regretful.

He couldn’t really blame Jaylerr when he knows he is also at fault, there a lot of things he could have done first, like maybe asking?

Asking if it was okay to help.

Asking on how exactly he could help.

Maybe it's true, being a brother isn’t for everyone, but that doesn’t mean that he’s just going to give up.

* * *

**_**10 years ago** _ **

_‘Woah that’s neat, did you write that?’ Oab asked, making his way towards the rusty swing set upon hearing Jaylerr play something with his guitar. Whenever he wants to practice something he’ll go to this park to not be a nuisance to everyone in the house and partly because he’s hoping he would see someone._

_Jaylerr smiles, feeling more excited than he was earlier. ‘Well yeah, but it’s still far from getting finished’ He shakes his head._

_‘Really? But I think that’s dope as it is’_

_‘I don’t know, I think it still lacks something’_

_Oab reaches out to ruffle his hair, ‘You’re such a perfectionist, don’t sweat it, you’re doing great’ Oab says before taking a seat on the swing next to Jaylerr._

_‘Really?’ He didn’t mean to sound so eager upon hearing a compliment but for some odd reason he was reminded of how his mom would praise him for playing his ukelele when he was a lot younger._

_‘ Are you kidding? They wouldn’t let you win if you suck,_ _am I right?_ _Plu_ _s, I really love hearing your music, it soothes me’ Oab says, dragging the word soothes, earning a chuckle from the both of them._

_He feels a lot lighter hearing that from Oab, it makes him feel like he’s getting into something he was meant to do._

_‘I guess I am awesome huh?’_

_‘Yeah you are’_

_Jay didn’t know it at first but there’s an evident feeling he couldn’t seem to ignor_ _e forming in the pit of his stomach_ _._

* * *

‘He just needs some time, I think he’ll come around once he saw what your true intentions are’ Gun stated, putting the food they bought on their way back to Off’s condo unit, on top of the table.

‘I really hope he will, I didn’t intend to offend him or anything. I just really want to genuinely help him and I know how important music is to him. Who knows, if he doesn’t take this opportunity then I’m afraid he’ll lose the chance forever.’

‘You’re a great brother, you know that right?’ Gun smiles, taking a seat on the sofa, he visited this place often enough to be comfortable.

‘I doubt that, you should have seen the look of disappointment in his face, I regretted doing that the moment I saw how he reacted’ Off followed, sitting beside Gun.

‘Well you don’t really have much of a choice and apparently he didn’t either, so I think you did the right thing. If I was in your position I would have done the same too, and you didn’t exactly do anything wrong or unethical, if you’re asking me he should be thankful instead’

‘I just hope that it’s that easy, you know?’ Off said before he saw Gun placing his head on his lap. ‘The hard thing is, I know where he’s coming from and I understand him but I won’t just sit around and see it unfold in front of me’

‘That’s why I’m saying, you did the right thing. If I were you I would have done it or even more, he could hate me now and just thank me later, I don’t care’

‘Yeah but we’re different’

‘How so?’ Gun asks, looking up.

‘You always do things out of selflessness, you like helping other people without getting anything from return, and you’re an amazing person. I’m not’ He listed things out, strands of black and silky hair slips through his fingers as he plays with Gun’s hair.

‘You couldn’t be more wrong, I’m not as selfless as you think I am’ Gun laughs, prying his head up to look into Off’s eyes, their faces seconds apart from each other. ‘and you’re not as awful as you think you are too. You’re a good person Off, you really are’ Gun continues, pressing his nose on top of Off’s, earning a smile.

‘Well how about I show you how good I really am?’ Off winks, before pressing their lips together without an ounce of hesitation.

They definitely became a lot comfortable with each other after that one afternoon on the bridge, since then Gun has been frequently visiting his condo, but they never really did anything except make out on the couch, watch some movies, and eat.

But Off is not the one who asks for more, if it’s not invited. He feels happy and content that Gun is with him and that’s all that really matters right now.

Gun pulled away, leaving trail of kisses from his lips, to his cheeks, down to his neck, sucking the skin between his neck and his shoulder. It’s not too long before he felt arms snaking on the back of his neck, pulling him closer, closer than he already was before. His skin getting hotter as Gun’s hands explore his body, the next thing he new is his blazer was on the floor somewhere in his condo and Gun’s hands is already loosening his tie, he could feel his heart beat getting faster before he pulls away, taking his time to appreciate the beauty of the boy beneath him.

Gun is so beautiful, he couldn’t believe his eyes.

He couldn’t believe that he’s here at this moment that seemed so far away a few months ago.

It even felt impossible at some point.

Gun’s eyes are half closed as he anticipates Off’s lips on his once again, his face flushed and his hair is a mess, making Off’s knees go weaker and weaker by every minute that passes between them.

With Gun he’s paralyzed.

He couldn’t get himself to think of anything else other than the plump lips that looks too inviting to even ignore.

With Gun he’s numb.

He’s numb with everything outside of what is unfolding in front of his eyes.

With Gun he is weak.

* * *

Gun went home at around eleven pm like he usually does these past few weeks, ever since that day on the bridge he doesn’t really mind spending his time with Off. It genuinely helps him get his mind off of things.

He sighs, tossing his keys on top of his table before heading straight to his bed, he couldn’t deny that ever since he started spending his time with Off, he feels happy. He feels light, like he could start again.

Maybe it’s not too hard to start trusting someone again but with all of these things he couldn't hide the guilt that is forming inside of him. He knows exactly why and where it came from but he doesn’t really have any plans of fighting it.

It is what it is, no matter how much he tries thinking that he’s really trying to be with someone, he knows that a part of him is just using his time with Off to forget.

He was never a person who will use another for his own benefit, and he’s scared that he would be one if this continues, but when he was in the ocean, not too shallow, not too deep, he felt something he hasn’t felt in a while and that is silence.

Everything is silent, he didn’t hear anything, he was not thinking about anything or anyone, he just felt normal.

Now, the definition of normal varies in different people.

For him that’s his normal, being at peace with himself and his thoughts right at the moment, and when he’s with Off he feels that way, like he doesn’t need to do anything else, not even think about what is going to happen next.

He sighs, looking up at his ceiling and realizing how this might go, but if you’re going to ask him if he’s going to try and change things, he wouldn’t.

It might be a little too selfish for him to think about, but if it takes being with Off and a broken heart to not end up like he was months ago then he’s willing to take it.

Even though when he’s not sure of who’s heart is going to be broken first.

* * *

‘How did it go?’ James ask as soon as he sees Jaylerr playing with his guitar at the corner of their living room.

Jaylerr looks up, scratching the top of his head, he really doesn’t want to think about it, but knowing James, he would only bother him to death so it’s better to just get out and about to get it over it, ‘He told me that he already paid for the acceptance fee and my tuition for the whole semester’

‘Ugh! What a prick!’ James said sarcastically, chuckling to himself, ‘What did you say?’

‘Well, I told him I wouldn’t accept it’

James rolled his eyes, plopping on the beanbag in front of his friend, ‘Say sike right now, I swear to God’

‘I can’t accept it James, you know how I feel about this stuff-’

‘Pride?’

‘Well that and’ He admitted, even he knows for a fact that the only thing that’s keeping him from accepting this, is his pride, and boy is it painful to let go of that, ‘I just, I just really want to make it on my own if I’m really going to make it’

‘Was this because of what he said to you when you were little?’ James asks, squeezing the chair beneath him, even without James saying it exactly, Jaylerr knows what he was talking about.

 _'How about this, you can start fresh once you get to college, that would only be a couple of years from now. Go and work hard until the time that you won't worry on where you place in their lives.'_ That’s what Oab once told him, and after that he couldn’t stop thinking about it.

He could make it and sometimes it is only you alone that could make things work for yourself.

‘It’s not only that’ He shook his head, strumming his guitar to the tune of the song he played that night on the swing set with Oab.

‘Bullshit, it is exactly that.’ James sighs, ‘Jay, you can’t be like this forever’ his shoulder slump and his voice soft before he continues, ‘You can’t be chained in the past you had with this huge crush of yours, you have got to move on’

Maybe it’s a little insensitive for Jay to say that but that’s what his friend needs to hear right now, a splash of cold water on his face.

When Jaylerr didn’t reply he sighs once again, standing up, ‘What I’m seeing here is a great opportunity in front of you going down the drain because of some lingering feelings you had with someone who sadly is not here anymore. Jay, if you want to make something out of your life then maybe the first step is admitting that, you do in fact, need some help and the second would be accepting it. We are not perfect, it’s completely fine to be helpless sometimes. If I were you, I would gladly accept this offer than to not be able to see the dreams I have been holding on to at all’ James smile sadly, tapping him in the shoulder before walking away.

‘Oh and by the way, I ordered some pizza, can you go and get it? I’m gonna take a shower’ James called out before he hears the door of the bathroom closing.

He couldn’t think of anything to say because he knows that James is right and it was only hard for him to process it because of someone he relied on too much to that he’s not used to creating steps for himself.

‘Fuck’

* * *

‘When I was around twelve, I think, I would just spend my afternoons at Arm’s room, playing video games’ Off shared, taking the take out out of the plastic bags, ‘Then he would often scold me for being a dead weight before he would try to kick me out of his house’ He shared, laughing in the process of remembering those days.

Gun nodded, placing his chin on top of his hand, watching as Off set the table for their dinner. ‘You really did grew up with him’

‘Yeah, just imagine the stress of having to put up with him for that long’ Off rolled his eyes sarcastically.

‘Oh please, I wouldn’t even dare try to think about it and I’m already stressed’ He answered before he saw Off take a bottle of wine from the fridge before seating in front of him. It’s a sight he’s gotten used to now but still manages to make him feel things.

‘How about you? Did you have a wild childhood?’ Off wiggles his eyebrows, taking the box of fried rice and some dumplings before digging into it.

‘I wish’ Gun laughs, taking his orange chicken with rice, ‘I was a very timid kid, I would often just spend my time alone so I didn’t have that many friends growing up and some of them didn’t really make it to my life til now except for Tay, you remember Tay?’

‘Your friend who’s a digital artist?’

‘Yeah that one, I guess he’s the oldest friend I have but we really didn’t have much to share with each other’ Gun answered, scooping rice into his mouth. ‘If I really think about it, Oab was, I think what I would call my best friend’

Off stop what he was doing to look at Gun in front of him, ‘He was? How so?’ He asked, he doesn’t want to sound bitter and he really is curious as to why Gun would consider Oab as his partner and his best friend at the same time.

‘I guess I would say that he knows everything about me and I spent most of my time with him, so yeah you could say that he was a friend first before anything else’

‘Oh’ Off said quietly, before munching on his food. ‘Do you have any regrets?’ He asks, making Gun look up from the sudden question that came out of nowhere.

‘With what?’

‘With, you know, with your time with him. Things you could have done or things you wish you didn’t?’

Gun took a second to think about it before he answers, ‘I couldn’t really think of anything really, he was always on top of things and he was always guiding me, making sure I wouldn’t do anything I regret’

Off nodded his head, ‘You didn’t regret having him in control?’ He asks again.

Gun looks up to meet his eyes, ‘No’ He shakes his head, ‘He always knew what to do and I can be a little too clueless sometimes so I’m even thankful that he was there around those times, why’d you ask?’

Off shrugs, ‘I don’t know it just seems a little odd to me, I think, because you are your own person and I just couldn’t help but think that maybe he was a little too in control with your life and your decisions, but I don’t know that’s just me, I wasn’t there to see it by myself.’

‘I could see that’ Gun nodded, taking a piece of chicken in to his mouth, chewing on it before speaking, ‘Some people may even say that it might have been suffocating for me, I heard that a lot before from the people around me, but I never once saw it as that. Really, I was relieved that he was there even in my darkest hours.’

‘Okay’ Off smiles, not knowing where he stands with this but he guess love really does this to people, maybe Gun loved Oab too much and it’s not a crime.

‘Could I have some wine?’ Gun asks, smiling at Off gently before he nods his head, taking the bottle of wine into his hand and popping the cork and pouring some into their glasses.

‘So what do you think about the project proposal from the PR department?’ Gun asks, trying to somehow change the topic and forget about the things lingering in his mind.

Off cleared his throat before answering the question, and with that, they went on and on about topics that crosses their minds until it’s time for Gun to bid his goodbyes and go home once again.

* * *

‘I would like to thank everyone’s efforts into making this project work, it wouldn’t even pass the first stage if it weren’t for everyone’ Off said, raising his glass of alcohol he forget the name of, that Arm ordered.

The people around him cheering and raising their glasses before downing it. After the success of one of their recent campaigns it is only right to have a celebration, and because Arm is apparently a fan of Korean dramas he suggested they have dinner at a Korean Barbecue place, which is too hot and crowded for Off, but since almost everyone agreed to it, he had no choice but to also agree.

‘Now that that’s out of the way, let’s celebrate’ Arm hollered, earning laughs from here and there.

It didn’t take long before the meat was served along with the additional alcohol. The supervisor of the SEO department, New, laughs as he sees the alcohol getting served. ‘I’m gonna get wasted toniiight’ he stated in a sing song voice not minding if his bosses are sitting in front of him.

‘Oh no’ Someone from beside Off said, he looks at the guy and by his looks he fits the guy Gun was talking about, Tay.

‘You’re Tay? Right?’ He asks, earning a nod or two from the other guy.

‘And you’re the golden boy’ Tay widened his eyes, smirking. One thing that benefits him with being a freelance artist, bosses like this doesn’t really intimidate him that much and plus he could join dinners like this once in awhile.

‘Well not exactly golden but yeah’ Off laughs, he doesn’t know the guy but he feels like they would hit it off when given a chance.

‘Damn’

‘So how was it working at G&M? You’re not getting sick of us yet?’ He asks, before he sees Arm taking the seat in front of them.

‘I’m sick of you’ Arm said as soon as he got closer to them, Off only made a face of annoyance at him before his attention went back to Tay.

‘It’s horrible’ Tay said in a very straight face, surprising the two before he cracks a smile, ‘I’m kidding, please don’t sue me’ He said making Arm laugh.

‘Hey would you be interested in making it your full time job? I think it would be cool to have you in our team’ Arm asks, taking a sip from the drink in his hand, the ice melted into it making it watery.

‘Well, thank you for that offer but I have to think about it’ Tay smiles, the smoke from the barbecue getting into his eyes.

‘Please do, I’ve seen you work It’s really good, it will be such a waste to let you go’ Of butted in.

‘Thank you, I just don’t deal with long term commitment that well’ Tay shrugs, he has always been an oversharer even to people he just met like these two but turns out he’s not the only want who tends to tell everything to strangers when Off spoke once again.

‘Don’t worry you’re not the only one, this guy right here,’ He stated, placing his hands into Arm’s shoulder. ‘Will go to his ex’s wedding this weekend just because of his fear of commitment’

Arm rolls his eyes, he doesn’t seem that bothered with how Off could just casually spill his life to someone as much as the topic itself bothers him. ‘Well excuse me for not being petty like you’ Arm laughs before standing up, ‘I’m going to get another drink, it looks like I need a stronger one’ He said and with that he was off to the counter of the counter of the restaurant asking for a drink that would make him somehow numb about everything that’s happening.

‘I’m sorry about that’ Off chuckles, pouring himself a drink when he was left with nothing but ice, ‘I just don’t want to miss an opportunity to tease him’

‘Sure, it’s not everyday I get a peek of somebody else’s life’ Tay jokes.

‘Right’ Off nodded be fore he asks a question once again, ‘How long have you known Gun?’ His eyes automatically searches the place to see Gun shaking his head to New.

Tay whistles, ‘Too long to know how long’ he shakes his head.

‘Has he always been like that?’

‘Like what?’

‘Like Gun, cheery and you know, a good person’ He doesn’t know how to describe how he sees Gun so he just hopes that the guy he’s talking to will get it. Tay chuckles, looking at the guy talking to him.

_Is this dude for real?_

‘Well I wouldn’t say he’s exactly as he is before because I watched him grow into the person that he is right now but it is somewhat true, he has always been a good person. I think it’s his nature’ He answered, earning a nod from Off. ‘Does Gun know?’

‘Know what?’ Off furrowed his eyebrows to Tay.

‘That you’re totally in love with him’ Tay laughs, it wouldn’t take a genius to see that with how Off looks and talks about Gun.

‘I don’t’ know, does New know?’ Off smirks, sipping from his drink. The bitter taste of the alcohol lingers in his mouth as he swallows it.

‘Fair point’ Tay nodded, ‘Anyway, just take care of him if you made up your mind to be with him, he has a very fragile heart and he’s been through so much to endure another heart break again’ Tay patted his shoulder before clearing his throat, he hopes Off wouldn’t be offended by his brotherly nature. ‘Now if you’ll excuse me I have to prevent someone from blacking out’ Tay chuckles before standing up and making his way to New.

Off doesn’t know how to say it but maybe this time around Gun wouldn’t be the one left heartbroken.

* * *

Arm fixes his tie as he walks towards the entrance of the venue. She really does not want anything less than great huh? The place looks amazing, it smells of flower and powder. He took a deep breath trying to be as discreet as he could as he grips the envelope in his hand. Off is already inside of the church waiting for him. He specifically told Off to get the a seat as far away from the altar as he could.

He wants to get this day over with and maybe after the I dos he could get himself out of here and to the nearest bar joint he could find. He knows he wouldn’t be able to pass this sober.

The line of cars in front of the church tells him that Alice didn’t just invite anyone, but she did invite the best out of the best, except him. Morally she was just obligated to invite him since he saw her back at Pattaya and he completely understands.

She might not even be expecting him, but he has to be here. He wants to be here.

He wants to see if she’s really going to be okay.

The idea of ruining the wedding really did cross his mind, that’s how crazy he is and he could probably do it if really wants to but a part of him didn’t.

A huge part of him didn’t.

You can’t really have a place in someone’s life if they chose not, simple as that.

He really did love her, heck he still does, and as painful as this is. It’s his reality right now and unless there’s some miracle then it ain’t happening for him.

He sighs, halting his steps.

_What am I doing? This fucking hurts and why am I still here?_

In every thing that happens in his life he believes he has a choice.

Now he has to choose.

Stay here and suffer or Leave now and suffer alone but he would look like a complete jackass.

After a moment of considering it, he figure he was okay with being a jackass as he turns around taking a step back.

All of these are too much for him right now.

* * *

**_**4 years ago** _ **

_‘Will you marry me?’ He asks, laughing at how the ring pop failed on reaching Alice’s knuckles. One of the things they both like doing during the weekends is visiting arcades and collecting prices that they are too old to have and this time one of those I a bright red ring pop._

_‘Yes, but only if it’s a real ring. I’m not cheap, Arm.’ Alice smiles at him, making his heart pound in his chest. He still couldn’t believe that this is real. That she is real._

_She’s just too good._

_‘I know babe, I know’ He laughs, kissing her cheek. ‘But if you say that moment come, would you?’_

_‘If it’s with you I don’t have to think about it’ He rolls her eyes jokingly, her cheeks getting flushed._

_The place is too loud for this conversation right now. Children are screaming at each other, running around the place, and the sound of the machines are all too much but Arm could hear her clearly._

_He could hear every word._

_The screws on the seats they chose are loose, making it squeak with every move._

_‘And I want three children, two boys and a girl’ Alice smiles, looking at the kids around them. It would be nice if one day they could visit this place with their own._

_Arm couldn’t help but smile at her, words wouldn’t be enough to describe how he feels right now so he decided to just be._

_‘Hey can you move it? We’re trying to play here’ A kid from behind told them when they still didn’t get up from the seats of one of the games. He was about to shoot glares towards the kid but she’s just too cute to even be mad about so he sighs, standing up and taking Alice’s hand in his._

_‘It’s been a while since we took a picture, why don’t we document the day you got your ring’ He wiggles his eyebrow at her before leading her towards the photo booth that share a lot of memories with them._

_They took a couple of pictures with Alice showing off her fake ring and acting as if they were engaged for real._

_Little did they know it would be the only thing coming between them, commitment._

* * *

He didn’t even reach his car before he turns back around. He didn’t get a haircut just to chicken out so he’s right here by the entrance once again.

He took a deep breath before showing his invitation to the guard by the huge doors, when he was cleared he made it his objective to search for Off immediately. When he spots his friend he went ahead and sat next to it.

‘What took you so long?’ Off asks as soon as his ass hit the wooden bench.

‘You see I was about to go home to possibly drown in alcohol but here I am so we should just be thankful’ He spat back, fixing his hair back to place.

He slouches in his seat, trying to avoid eye contact from people that might recognize him. The interior of the church is even better than what he has expected, everything is so beautiful and well placed that its scary to move a muscle just because he might accidentally wreck things.

He doesn’t want to ruin this for her, that’s the least he could do.

After a couple while with Off going up and about, greeting people before it returned to its seat next to him, the music starts playing. There’s a live orchestra in front and if he’s not that preoccupied with his thoughts his heart would have melted with how great everything is.

Wow, this is what she deserves and he’s glad that its what she got because if she were with him he might now have given her even half of this.

‘Her fiancee sounds loaded, how else would he afford all of these?’ Arm whispers to his friend who’s clapping upon seeing the flower girl enter the place.

Off looks back at him, ‘Yeah I hear he’s holds huge amount of stocks in the market. Have you hear of the name Mek Jirakit?’

‘I haven’t’

‘That’s the name of her fiancee and apparently he’s well respected in the electronics industry because of his generous investments, she really did get lucky’

Arm nodded, ‘Yeah, yeah she did’

Off squeezes his shoulder, ‘But between you and me, she would have been luckier if she’s with you’ He smiles before Arm elbows him on the ribs.

‘You said that because you’re obligated to do so’ He stated, rolling his eyes.

‘Maybe, but I mean it’ Off smiles and just like that the line of people ended and his eyes wander towards the guy that is apparently so much better than him.

He looks good too, what the fuck kind of sorcery is this?

Life is so fucking unfair sometimes.

He watches as he walks to wards his spot, clasping his hand to wait for the bride.

There was a moment of panic that came across him, what is he expecting to see? Will the sight of her would make him want to stand up and scream to stop the wedding? What would he say when she saw her later? How would he feel when she heard her say those two words to someone else?

All of these questions were interrupted by the sound of people murmuring around them, a couple of minutes has passed already and nobody was granted by the presence of the bride.

His heart pounded in his chest as he looks back to Off who’s already looking at him, then to the guy standing by the altar, then by Off again.

He couldn’t help the shaking from his hand while they are all waiting for what’s going to happen next. The next thing he knows there’s a guy, whom he assumes is the best man who’s got a hold of the microphone.

‘Well folks, I’m sorry to disrupt your wonderful afternoon but it seems like we have to postpone the wedding since we couldn’t get a hold of our bride, have a great day ahead and please be safe on your way home.’

After hearing that he let out the longest breath he didn’t know he was holding as he turn his head back to his friend who’s mouth is hanging open, ‘If I really know her, then I know where she is’ He said before standing up and leaving the place.

This time with more urgency as he quickens his pace.

She’s still the same unpredictable Alice that he knew.

And loved.

* * *

‘What? She did what?’ Gun asks when Off told him what happened earlier in the wedding, when Off asked him where he was, he told him that he was in the bookstore downtown and it it didn’t take long before he saw the familiar figure entering the place.

He protested that they should just meet by Off’s condo but Off insisted that they could meet hear since it was near the venue anyway and so that they could go out right after and he didn’t think that that was a bad idea so he agreed.

‘She runaway’ Off laughs, ‘Oh God, this is a disaster' 

Gun shrugs, 'Some people are just for each other, no matter what comes in between’ Gun smiles, sliding his fingers on the books in front of him looking if there’s something that would caught his attention.

'while some aren't, no matter how much they try'

Off’s breath hitched as he watches Gun, it reminds him of the time he first met Gun at the library. It might be as simple as books and shelves besides Gun but it almost took his breath away.

‘Yeah some people are’ He answered, looking for some books himself. ‘Hey how about we go get a drink after this?’

‘You know me I wouldn’t say no for a drink’ Gun jokes, lifting the basket of books he likes before heading to the counter.

After checking all of their purchases out, they went right outside the bookstore and into the mall. He smiles after feeling Off’s hand on his, their finger intertwined while they walk towards the exit.

Even after all of those time he spends with Off, he still feels shy whenever they do things like this, like its brand new every day. He could feel the smile forming in his face but before they reached the exit he heard someone call his name, making him turn around.

The voice is so familiar he doesn’t have to look to confirm who it is.

‘Gun?’

and it took only that one word for him to let go of the he's been holding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, this chapter is quite long for me so please excuse any grammatical errors that you saw, I will edit this once I got the chance :) I'm also kinda curious on your thoughts about who that person is at the end, let me know. :)


	24. 22: How would you know? It doesn't show. I think there's something you should know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Severe Homophobia, please take it easy on yourself if this is a huge trigger for you.   
>  Note: This is fictional, I am not pointing fingers on real life people, please keep that in mind. Thank you.

The smell of Ramen noodles took him back to his teenage years as he opens the door of the place he treated as his second home in his late high school years up until early college. He laughs as he sees the one he was looking for at the exact same spot he knows she would be, she looks so out of the place, especially because she was wearing a full on wedding dress while playing computer games. Arm looks around the place to see if people are giving her looks but considering that she has been here for some time now, they already got used to it.

The place is less crowded than he remembers maybe because a lot of people have their own computers at home and their own consoles these days, but there are still a decent amount of people that is enough to be the reason why the business is still running.

He sighs, the heaviness in his heart gently faded away as he saw her expression that she always have when she concentrates so hard in to something. He eyebrows almost connecting and her cheeks flushed.

He was right she didn’t change at all.

He takes her headphones off as he approaches her close enough.

‘Hey hey hey I’m playing here’ She protested before turning around and seeing him, ‘What?’ she asks as soon as she saw Arm looking at him with raised eyebrows, she turns back to the game she was playing earlier but this time she couldn’t concentrate at all.

‘What do you mean ‘what’? Aren’t I supposed to be the one asking you that? He plops down to the vacant seat next to her.

‘What do you want?’ She groans when she couldn’t dodge her opponent’s attacks making her health bar decrease.

Arm looks at her for a moment, thinking of something to say to her, anything.

His stares are starting to bore holes to her face that she just couldn’t ignore anymore making her turn her head towards him, shifting her eyes from Arm’s face and back to the screen. ‘Spill it douche’ she scoffs, ‘You want to scold me for being here and not at my supposed wedding? What? Say it.’She said, pressing harder on the keys of the computer.

‘Actually, I’m here to thank you’ He admitted, her fingers freezing over the computer mouse as soon as she heard him speak , leading her hero to its death, big bold letter are soon written across the screen.

****DEFEAT** **

Arm sighs he knows when Alice is projecting into somethings, she always does this when she’s upset or bother. She always tries to distract herself with something else, mostly video games, but he could always see right through her.

‘Thank you Alice for that brief moment of relief, really, you gave me hope’ he chuckles, ‘but there’s no way you would run away from you wedding just to play this game, right? , So can I talk to you for a moment? Somewhere without people looking at you like you’ve completely lost it’ He laughs, standing up on his feet and offering his hand to her before notifying the owner of the shop that they’re leaving so that he could shut the down the PC and tell them how much her bill was before he paid for it and they left.

* * *

‘So, why did you do it?’ He asks as soon as they settled down at a more secluded place, a bench at the end of the street where people rarely go to. Though, there are still people around looking at them like they’re freaks with their attires, but this is a much better place to talk about what they have in mind than inside of that old computer cafe. ‘Don’t tell me you left him because of me?’ He jokes. No matter how much he tries to convince himself that he was the sole reason of why his ex run away from her wedding, the look on Alice’s eyes says otherwise.

Alice smiles sadly, ‘Damn, you’re right Arm, it was about you. Oh, how great you are that I would stop my own wedding to fix what we had’ she said sarcastically.

There was a slight pain surging through his chest as he hears those words, it takes him back to the internal dialogue he has from earlier about why he’s even trying. ‘Ouch’ He said clutching his chest, ‘You’re as brutal as always, Ms Tsoi’

There was a moment of silence that passed between them that got more and more unbearable each second before he hears Alice speak once again.

‘I deserve a life I could call my own Arm’ she stated, making him turn his head towards her, ‘Not as someone’s girlfriend or someone’s wife for that matter.’ She continues, breathing out while leaning on the dirty bench behind her. She smiles as she closes her eyes. ‘You know how many time I’ve heard the phrases that I’m so lucky to be with someone as good looking as you or as great as him. That I made it into where I am today because he’s so rich and influential and that I must have felt so lucky to “catch” someone like him.’ She paused, looking up at the sky, this is the first time she’s being honest to herself for years of trying to figure it out.

‘I love him you know?’ She admitted, swallowing the lump growing in her throat turning her gaze on the eyes of the person who’s only willing to listen, ‘And I loved you too, I really did, but you know when they say that love is not enough to say that you’re happy? That’s true, didn’t think it was but it is. I have tried loving someone as hard as I could but it always fell short at times when I lie on my bed at three am asking myself if I really am happy.’

Arm couldn’t do anything but absorb her words as he observe her features, he couldn’t deny the fact that she’s the most beautiful person he has seen and not only because she’s gorgeous physically but also because of this, she’s brave and honest, and she has always been in control of her life. He always admire that about her. It’s the thing he wishes he could do to himself.

‘And I’m sorry that I have to use you guys to find this part of myself that I have been searching for, but trust me when I say I did try to learn how to love without any regret but it’s just not possible. There’s always that one hole that you will fail to fill.’ She pauses, remembering her past with the people she loved the most. ‘When we were together, I honestly thought that you were the one that is scared of commitment’ she laughs.

‘It’s okay, you can put the blame on me, that’s what people do to good people’ Arm smirks, shrugging as Alice hits his arm playfully.

‘Yeah right, you were kinda scared at that time-’

‘Yeah because we were literally children’ He rolls his eyes at her before encouraging her to carry on.

‘Anyway, now that we’re here I just realized that it was me all along. I’m the one who’s scared of taking another step with you and with Mek. I’m afraid that when I do, I’ll lose what’s left of me, which is not much to start with, and I don’t think I’m ready for that just yet’ She sighs, it feels good getting that out of her chest after trying to conceal it all her life. She combs the strands of hair blocking her eyesight, as she watches a smile forming on Arm’s face.

‘You’re amazing, you know that right?’ Arm sated genuinely, the side of his eyes wrinkling.

‘More please, I could really depend on you to gas me up’ She winks

‘You really are amazing, though you broke my heart enough already for this lifetime. I still love you, and no, not in that way, I just I love you Alice and I’m so proud of how much you’ve grown. I love you and it will always be like that no matter how many times I get a hangover because of you or no matter how many times you confuse me. I love you even if you wouldn’t choose me ever again,’ Arm looks up trying to smile but it just came out as a sad grin, before he continues, ‘because no matter how many times you hurt me you would always be that place that I will come back to no matter how far I got in life’

He swallows, as he saw tears forming at the side of Alice’s eyes. He doesn’t know if it’s’ just him trying to play tricks in his mind but he decided to just let it be.

Let things be and let go.

Even of her.

‘God, I really want to meet the next woman in your life’ She stated, wiping the tears that fell on her cheeks, ‘She would be so lucky to have you. Anyone would, but that someone is just not me Arm and we know that. I hope that she would treat you way better than I did, because you deserve so much more’ she finally said, her voice cracking when she saw Arm tearing up as well. ‘I deserve the best things in life Arm, and I have hope that you will get it someday. You will get the love you keep trying to give to other people’

He smiled at her, ‘Could you do me a favor?’

She hums looking up at him, waiting for his next words.

‘After you find yourself and took all the time you need, could you give your fiancee a call? He honestly seems like a great guy, he deserves to know you better. He deserves to know the Alice that I kept on coming back to, and who knows what could happen right?’ He smiles, ruffling her hair.

Before she was lover she was like a sister to him, a friend, and he has to accept that that’s how far it would go with them.

She chuckles, nodding her head. ‘We’ll see’

And just like that he could finally say that he’s free.

Not from anyone but himself and the ideas he formed in his head.

* * *

‘I heard you were promoted in another position? What position was it again?’

The lady in front of him said calmly, but his nerves are still getting wilder and wilder in every moment.

‘Oh, I work as a Secretar-’ He tried to say but he got interrupted almost immediately.

‘As a secretary of the man you were so fond with from earlier? Off Jumpol Adultkittiporn, right? The future CEO of G&M telecoms’ She asks quietly before she twirls pasta with her fork. She said it like she couldn’t believe of the words leaving her mouth and that she doesn’t want to anyone to hear about because it’s just that embarrassing. Those aren’t even a question, she’s already inferring things without knowing anything, like she always does.

‘It’s not how it looks’ he explained though he’s not really sure why he’s trying to lie about it or hide the fact that he’s trying to move on with his life and that he deserve to have progress and growth.

‘Oh please, Gun honey, it’s exactly how it looks’ She shakes her head, ‘God, it’s only been what? Three months? Almost four? Since my son, your “partner” or whatever it is you people try to call it, passed away, and here you are already, forming this kind of bond with some other guy’

He grips his spoon tighter when he felt tears forming in his eyes. ‘I’m sorry’ he said, those are the only words he could think of.

‘Could you do me a favor?’ She asks but with her tone, he knows that no matter what answer he gives she would still say what she wants to say and do the things she wants to do. ‘Could you be honest with me, for just this once?’ She continues, wiping her mouth with a napkin.

He didn’t get the chance to answer when she asks her question anyway, ‘Was it because of money? Are you in quest of trying to be with rich young men?’ She said sternly, it wasn’t a question at all as her face is blank while looking at him coldly.

Her words slaps harder than anything would ever do. Gun knows that she could be mean and rude but he’s just not aware that she could reach this level. It took him all he has not to stand up and walk away but he didn’t let himself just yet, because that would just prove her point.

That would only mean that what she’s saying is in fact right and he wouldn’t let that happen as she swallows every hurtful words she’s throwing at him, but what she said next made the hair on his forearm stand up, just when he thought it couldn’t get any worse.

It’s worse than what he could take.

‘Why can’t he just love someone normal like what I told him’ She shakes her head, sipping from her glass of water as if rinsing the discriminating words out of her mouth.

‘Normal?’

‘Yes, normal, a girl. Why didn’t he just “love” a woman like a normal person, like a normal man.’ She sighs, her words digging deep into Gun that it paralyzes him, ‘ I don’t know where he got that disease of his but that’s how he chose to live his life, what else could I do, right?’

‘A disease? I’m confused’ All of the things leaving his mouth are questions because he just couldn’t grasp the words unraveling in front of him right now. He’s not even sure Anymore if what he’s hearing is even real and that this is actually happening to him.

‘No matter what you call it Gun what you had with him or what you’re trying to have with this new guy of yours is not natural, it’s against the law of the universe. It’s an abomination, men sleeping with men and calling it love is something I wouldn’t understand ever.’ She sighs, ‘Nonetheless I tried to be open about it, because I know Oab, and I know that he wouldn’t just let things go, but here I am right now seeing you with another man, not too long after he passed away. What is it Gun? Are you that thirsty for men? Or with money?’

That does it for Gun as he stood up, slamming his palms on the table, his whole body shaking with anger and disbelief. ‘You don’t have the rights to tell any of these to me anymore. You don’t own me, and if being homophobic is how you want to live your life then that’s on you and you alone. I can’t believe you. You’re as awful as they say you are’

With that he turns around, walking away.

‘My son could have been happier without you’ She called out, making Gun stop on his tracks but he didn’t bother turning around anymore, he wouldn’t be able to take another second of looking at her face.

* * *

Gun knocks on New’s front door as soon as he arrived in front of its condo unit because he doesn’t really want to go home after what happened and he doesn’t have it in him to meet Off either, but what welcomed him as soon as the door opened surprises him even more.

‘Oh hey Gun, what brought you here?’ Tay ask, peeking his head to cover his shirtless body.

It’s not like Gun didn’t expect this to happen it’s just that it’s surprises him on how unlucky he is with timing. He shakes his head, ignoring the thoughts swarming his head before he asks, ‘Hey Tay, is New there?’

‘Oh yeah, right, uhmm come in’ Tay opens the door wider, revealing his lower body which is thankfully covered with sweatpants, he scratches the back of his head as he called out to New.

‘I’m sorry, am I interrupting something?’ He asks, maybe later than he should have.

Tay immediately shakes his head, ‘No, it’s fine-’

‘Yes, you are, now will you please go?’ New stated flatly as soon as he entered the room, throwing a shirt in Tay’s direction ‘Put a shirt on before you scare him away’ New laughs, motioning for them to seat on the sofa.

‘Don’t worry, I’m already traumatized’ He answered, earning an eye roll from New.

‘To whom do we owe your presences from?’ New asks, with the look on Gun’s face he knows for a fact that this is not pretty. He loves Gun, he really does and he’s thankful to have Gun as his friend but the boy’s life really is problematic.

Gun leans in more into the cushions, hoping it will swallow him alive before he opens his mouth and told the people in the room what just happened, but he knows that there’s no point in trying to hide it anymore so he opens his mouth before proceeding to tell everything that happened exactly and judging from their reactions it seems like Gun’s night isn’t the only night that was ruined by this.

‘She really said that? Fuck, I never knew I would hate someone this much, I swear to God.’ New exclaimed, massaging his temple, his face turning red.

‘What an awful woman. Don’t get me wrong I know she’s a bitch but I didn’t think she could stoop this low’ Tay said, he couldn’t imagine how bad it must have been for Gun to experience something like that.

‘What is she, is she still living in the 50’s? Be honest’

Gun sighs, ‘It took me everything I had not to throw a glass of water at her, not the water alone but the whole glass.’ He added.

‘Oh she’s just lucky I wasn’t there or else she would have come home bald’ New groans before standing up, ‘I need coffee, this is stressing me out so much, do you guys want some?’

He shook his head no, before he watches New disappear in the kitchen.

‘You know you didn’t do anything wrong right?’ Tay said, moving closer to him and pacing his hand on his shoulder. ‘She’s just a mean old bitch who doesn’t have anything else to do with her life so she’s trying to ruin other people’s day’

Tay pulled him closer, letting him place his head over his shoulder. Tay is the big brother he wishes he has, ever since forever they have been really comfortable with each other like this. There is just comfort whenever he’s with Tay and he’s always been thankful and now that Tay is with New it’s like he got new parents all of a sudden. He doesn’t know what he would do and how he would manage if he doesn’t have these friends of his.

‘Its just hard not to question myself and my intentions after that you know?’

‘Come on Gun, do you really think that people would say that you are only after Oab’s money or Off’s? Like seriously, I haven’t even heard or seen you receive something that grand from Oab before, what are you even saying? If we’re being completely honest you were the one who gave a lot when you were in that relationship.’

Gun looks up to see Tay smiling at him, reassuring him.

‘Don’t worry about it Gun, that old ass bitch will get tired of tormenting other people’s life sooner or later’

‘Yeah, once she’s dead and on her way to hell’ New butted in placing Tay’s coffee on the table in front of them since he couldn’t hand it directly to Tay when Gun is in the way.

‘Straight to hell I’m telling you’ New added, before blowing on his coffee and taking a sip from it.

* * *

**_**5 years ago** _ **

_‘ I don’t think your mom likes me very much’ Gun said as soon as they hop into the car after meeting with Oab’s mother._

_To say that she was hostile would be an understatement._

_‘She’s like that to everyone’ Oab answers plainly, starting the engine of the car._

_‘Still, I have to make it up to her somehow I can’t have her annoyed every time she sees me’ He pouted, looking outside of the window. He was kind of expecting a different response from Oab to maybe somehow at least ease his worries._

_‘You really don’t have to do that’ Oab shakes his head, turning towards the next exit._

_Gun sighs, he still wouldn’t feel comfortable with thinking that his first encounter with Oab’s mom was that awful._

_Oab looks at him upon hearing his sigh, ‘Gun, can we just drop it? It’s not your fault, I’m telling you she’s like that to everyone, if it happens that she made you feel that way again, I’ll try and talk to her about it, okay?’ Oab forced a smile before he nods back as an answer._

_‘Okay’_

* * *

The drive allowed him to think about what happened further, it’s sad that he has to say goodbye to his friends right away because they all have work tomorrow and he doesn’t want to bother the love birds too much. He parks the car in front of the building of his apartment, the humid air slaps his skin as soon as he walks out of his car.

He’s alone with his thoughts once again.

He couldn’t get what Oab’s mother said to him, everything about it was just wrong and it unsettles him,.

Does he really think of money as something important when he’s in a relationship? No matter how hard he tries to think of a situation where money contributed to him making decisions, he couldn’t think of anything. Maybe Tay is right, even him couldn't think of anything grand Oab had given him. They kept their relationship casual and he wouldn’t dream of taking someone’s money no matter how hard life would get.

He shakes his head, kicking a small rock as he makes his way on the steps towards the building to go inside but the guy sitting on the steps made him stop in his place.

‘Off, what are you doing here at this hour?’ He hurriedly makes his way in front of the other guy.

‘I was just wondering how you’re doing, I didn’t know that you still weren’t home so I decided to just wait for you’ Off smiles, patting the cold steps beside him, encouraging Gun to sit on it.

‘You didn’t have to do that’ He answered before complying and sitting next to Off.

‘Well, I wanted to, plus I was passing by here anyway’

‘Bullshit, your condo is in the other side of town’ Gun said, shaking his head at Off.

‘Sorry, I didn’t notice’ Off jokes, chuckling, before turning his head to look at Gun.

 _Is it that bad?_ He thought to himself, Oab’s mother has a reputation of being unpleasant among the others and he knows how she could get since he experienced it firsthand when they were still younger.

‘I didn’t mean to just abandon you earlier, I just’ Gun tried to explain, hoping Off wouldn’t get offended by him just leaving him alone in the mall while he’s the one who ask Off to got there in the first place.

‘I know Gun, it’s okay’ Off said, bumping his shoulder to his. ‘So, is she still a despicable human being?’

‘Yeah’

Off sighs, ‘I knew she’s only up to no good with that awful make up of hers’ he tried to make a joke to at least lighten up the situation at hand, when Gun only force a smile he stood up. ‘How about we go for some ice cream? ‘ He offered, wiggling his eyebrows.

* * *

Jaylerr looks up towards the ceiling of his bedroom, there are things that is better left unsaid, is what he’s trying to convince himself to think of.

 _He’s dead, and there no point in telling, right?_ He thought as he turns over, trying to find a comfortable position for him to be able to find sleep.

Why does it feels like he owes it to Gun to come clean about everything?

But telling it might hurt a lot more than just taking it to his grave. Will it really be worth it if he told the truth?

He sighs, closing his eyes, the truth will really set you free but damn right it will piss you off first. 


	25. 23: Nevermind, you were never mine.

Gun sighs, it’s been two months since he saw Oab’s mother but her words are still etched in his mind like it was just yesterday. The feeling that makes his skin crawl is still present even though he tried to bury it deep in the back of his mind.

 _‘_ _Was it because of money? Are you in quest of trying to be with rich young men?’_

He knows that that is not even close to what he felt about Oab or what’s happening between him and Off, whatever this is, but he couldn’t seem to break himself out of those words.

‘What do you want to watch?’ Off smiles, plopping on the space beside him with a bowl of popcorn in his hands.

‘I don’t know’ He shrugs, leaning his weight more into the cushions below him.

‘Oh maybe we could watch friends’ Off suggested, flipping through the channels before he reached the one with friends on.

‘Okay’

Off looks beside him to Gun who looks closer than he feels. ‘Are you okay?’ He asked gently, he didn’t want to overwhelm Gun with questions. After all, maybe he’s just tired, it really has been a hectic week for them at the office.

‘Yeah, why?’ Gun ask back without even glancing at his direction. Off rested his head on the sofa below him, trying to avoid overthinking but it seems like he’s a beat late for that right now.

‘I don’t know, you just seem -’ he paused, thinking of words to describe how Gun has been acting for almost two months now.

_Distant._

‘I’m just tired, Off’ Gun answered before he could even open his mouth to continue, Off nodded, turning his attention back to the show. He remembers when Gun used to tell him how much he loves this show and how his face would lit up every time they get to the part where the character Chandler proposes to Monica.

He remembers how Gun would talk for hours on how Chandler and Monica are just meant for each other and how they are the superior friends couple. He would always try to argue with Gun, saying it’s Rachel and Ross, just so he could see Gun’s furrowing his eyebrows.

His lips pouting and his arms crossed over his chest.

For the short amount of time they have been seeing each other, he developed a habit of teasing Gun, pushing his limits, just to see that cute little pout.

Now it’s different.

Stale.

He sighs before he felt Gun standing up to his feet.

‘Maybe I should go’ Gun said looking down at him before reaching out to his bag and his keys on top of the coffee table in front of them. ‘I’m just really tired’ He said finally, and with that he’s gone.

Like sand that Off is trying to cup with his hand but no matter how close he keeps his hand, it keeps on slipping away.

* * *

‘I guess we both suck at relationships huh?’ Arm chuckles, taking a swig from his beer. After those two months of meeting with Alice he could somehow say that he has moved on entirely, but after hearing how Alice and her fiancée got together again he couldn’t ignore the little part of him who’s bitter and longing.

It seems like what happened at Alice’s wedding two months ago are just results of her having cold feet towards her fiancée, and in two months they’re finally continuing the wedding but this time Arm would spare himself from all that trouble and just remain at home.

He owes that to himself, at least.

‘What do you mean us? When it’s only you who sucks at these things.’ Off raised his eyebrow.

‘Yeah right’ Arm rolled his eyes at his friend, this thing with Off is starting to annoy him now, maybe it’s influenced by his bitterness towards his own relationship but he really couldn’t stand another second of this. He knows he has been encouraging Off to pursue this months ago, as what a supportive friend should, but now base on what he’s hearing and seeing he couldn’t help but pity Off, and that’s coming from him. A person who literally has the love of his life sending him wedding invitations for the second time in less than six months.

‘He just needs some time, you know him’ Off nodded his head, as if he’s trying to convince even himself. Those are the words that he thought he wouldn’t say for the sake of a person, ever.

But here he is, trying to swallow what’s left of him.

‘You said that seven years ago, Off’ Arm stated quietly before he saw Off’s fingers grip the can of beer tighter ‘And you also said that when you saw him again, and maybe you’re right. Maybe he does need some time, but the question is, how much? How much more time Off?’

When Off didn’t reply, Arm took the chance to continue what he was saying, ‘Don’t you ever get tired?’ he asks, looking up at Off who has been staring at the wall just to avoid his eyes.

‘I don’t know, the only thing that I know right now is that I couldn’t possibly be tired of him, right? I mean, I couldn’t be tired of the love that I waited for in almost half of my life, right? He’s Gun. This is Gun we’re talking about’

‘But Off we have different versions of ourselves in different times of our lives, are you sure that this is the Gun that you waited for? Is this the Gun that you loved?’

Though Off anticipated it, Arm’s words still pierced right through his chest. Those are the exact question he doesn’t want to ask himself because he knows exactly on what he’s going to answer.

_No_

‘Yes Arm, he is still the Gun I fell in love with, and the one I waited for in all those years and if I have to wait again then so be it’

Arm nodded, this is a lost cost but he knows what to do, he should prepare himself to be there when his friend faces his last heartbreak that is bond to happen.

‘Okay’ Arm forces a smile before finishing off his beer and opening up another one.

* * *

**_**2 years ago** _ **

_There he is, the same guy he had a crush on when he was at college, Gun. Nothing much has changed with the way he looks and with their situation, Off is still a bystander._

_The one looking from the outside as he observes the guys sitting in front of him. Who would have thought that after all of these years Off would see him again and the shortness of breath would still be the same as before._

_Like time is just a joke, circling around him, teasing but never really changing him._

_After a lot of thinking he figured that maybe what he had towards Gun is just a mere infatuation, come on, he saw the guy for more or less three times only and Gun wasn’t even doing that much to say that it was “love at first sight”._

_He was naive, alright? Judging by how young he was back then anything could feel like love, and he did just that. Right now as he’s looking at Gun he could still feel those things he felt from before._

_Attraction._

_After not seeing or trying to pursue Gun, what he thought he felt, faded away like it was nothing in the first place and it got him places. He went from person to person, experiencing things that are more than just an attraction but none of those really made him feel excited like when he was still into Gun._

_He blows on his coffee before sipping it, the familiar bitter taste filled his mouth. He tried so hard not to look so intently because apparently looking like a creeper wouldn’t do him good._

_He inhaled after he drank the last bit of his coffee, he fixes his tie before standing up. If he could move on from Gun before, there’s no doubt he could do it again. He took a step towards the door before he heard someone call him._

_He felt a hand on his forearm stopping him from taking another step before he turns back around._

_‘Sir, I think you forgot your umbrella’ Gun said, smiling at him and like a bucket of water being splashed at him, his walls crumbled._

_Again._

_He reached out to get the umbrella from Gun hands before his hands grow completely cold and his knees completely weak._

_He almost laugh at how brittle his walls are when it comes to Gun, it doesn’t even make sense of how weak he feels whenever he sees the guy._

_‘Thank you’ He answered._

_Gun smiled wider, the side of his eyes wrinkling from the smile, before he nods his head and going back to his seat._

_That’s when he realized, what he felt with Gun is in fact an attraction and a mere infatuation, but like a small snowflake could turn into a storm, everything starts small and if you keep it long enough it will form a pile you couldn’t possibly deal with._

_Gun might only remember him as someone who he thought of helping today or he might not even remember him completely but Off would struggle more trying to forget._

* * *

Off heard a knock on his door before he looks beside his bed to see what time it is.

****2:34 am** **

He sighs, stretching his arms before standing up and walking towards the door. Who would be crazy enough to bother him at this hour of the day, he grabs his flashlight on his way not because it’s dark but it’s the only thing he could treat as a weapon that was lying around. He grips his flashlight tighter before peeks on the hole at his front door only to see Gun waiting for him. He raises his eyebrow before he completely opens the door.

‘Gun? What are you doing here at this hou-’ He couldn’t finish his sentence before Gun smashes their lips together taking him by surprise.

Gun’s lips move urgently on his, and before he knows it, they are back on his room with Gun on top of him. As he came back to his senses, he pushes Gun’s shoulder lightly to stop what it is Gun was trying to do.

‘What are you doing?’ He asks, almost like a whisper.

‘Just kiss me’ Gun answered back before leaning down to press his lips back to Off’s. Gun’s hand trailed on Off’s hot skin as they deepen the kiss. Off knows how irrational Gun is acting and it scares him that he couldn’t really do something about it because as what he always think.

With Gun he is weak.

Arm is right, we are different versions of ourselves on different times of our lives and he doesn’t know if he still recognizes the Gun in front of him that is trying to get his hand on all of him as fast as he could. He’s not even sure if this is the same Gun he met a couple of months before.

Gun moans as he pulled onto Off’s shirt, the amount of urgency in this feels disgusting. It makes Off’s skin crawl. There is in no way, someone between the both of them wants what’s going to happen. He felt Gun’s lower torso grinding up against him, before lips are trailing kisses down his neck, making him whimper.

Maybe if he gets this over with, maybe he’ll get to know Gun more. Maybe they will be closer.

Maybe Gun will start to look at him.

But as their lips found each other once more that when the reality hit him. He felt wet droplets falling into his cheeks and when he finally opens his eyes he saw Gun’s, puffy and red from crying.

He breathes in, trying to compose himself, before sitting up with Gun still on his lap.

‘I’m sorry’ Gun whispered, resting his head on his shoulder. ‘I didn’t- I didn’t mean to’ Gun sobs before he felt Off’s large hands tapping his back.

‘It’s okay’ Off tried to say but the way he said it was enough for Gun to know that there is no going back from this mistake.

He knows it.

And Off knows it too.

This is lost cause.

* * *

**_**12 hours earlier** _ **

_‘Hi’ He smiled at the guy waiting in front of their building, for someone who doesn’t want anything to do with this company, he sees this boy a lot. He almost laughed with that thought before he crosses the street to get closer to where Jaylerr is standing._

_‘Hey’ Jaylerr replied, smiling back at him, but something feels off._

_Maybe it’s just an off day for Jaylerr but he didn’t remember the atmosphere being this hostile towards him when they drank beers together at that one night, so seeing how awkward and hesitant Jaylerr is right now throws him off a little but he decided to just ignore it and lead the way towards the nearest bench that they could sit on since Jaylerr said that this is not going to take long._

_‘So?’ He raises his eyebrows, urging the boy to get to the point. He only has a couple of minutes before he finishes his break._

_‘How are you?’ Jaylerr asks, drawing circles with the gravel beneath them with his feet._

_He titled his head, is this why Jaylerr asked to see him? To tell him this?_

_He sighs before answering, ‘I’m good, you?’_

_‘How are you getting along with Off?’ Jaylerr asks again, completely ignoring his question._

_Now it really feels weird. Is he missing something?_

_‘Jaylerr’ He sighs once again, the anticipation is killing him. He combs his hair back with his finger due to frustration. ‘What is it? What is it that you want to tell me?’ He asks, looking down towards his watch._

_He really has no time for this._

_He heard Jaylerr breathe out before he hears the words he didn’t expect, ‘I knew Oab, I knew him for a long time’_

* * *

‘Stop the display of your healthy relationship in front of my eyes, please’ Gun groans, cringing at how Tay and New are all tangled up in the sofa next to him, giggling to each other.

New rolled his eyes at him, ‘Well I’m sorry we’re not the one who’s doing dumb shit to our relationships’ He spat, Tay’s head resting on the nook of his neck.

Gun made a face before turning his attention back to what they are watching, which he couldn’t possibly understand since he spent the last hour staring blankly at the TV. He sighs, how could he defend himself when what his friend is saying is the truth and nothing but the truth.

After that night when he barged into Off’s apartment he couldn’t really look in people’s eyes. If you ask him as to why he did that exactly, he wouldn’t be able to say any direct answers.

He was hurt. 

Yes, it’s shitty thing to do, to play with people’s emotions like that, but at that moment he felt like he was going to explode if he didn’t do anything about it.

If he didn’t find a distraction.

What Jaylerr said haunted him that he couldn’t wrap his head around it. He couldn't wrap his head around the fact that the person he loved most, was never his after all. The first thing he thought of after hearing what Jaylerr has to say was to go straight to Off’s place, and after that, everything was just a blur.

He groans, he was such a fucking asshole.

He didn’t mean to force himself to Off like that.

He didn’t mean to project the pain into someone else.

Tay sits up, shaking his head at him, ‘What are you planning to do now?’

‘What do you mean what am I planning to do? I’ll slip in my resignation letter tomorrow morning’ He answered honestly, after telling everything to his friends he has also made up his mind to take a break from everything and everyone, especially from Off.

‘What? Don’t be dramatic, talk it out for God’s sake! Why are you quitting all of a sudden?’

‘Didn’t you understand what I told you guys?’ He said grimacing at the picture of that night with him on top of Off, forcing himself to him, and crying five minutes after.

‘So? You made a fool out of yourself, what about it? You always do’ New smirks, teasing him before he grabs a pillow, throwing it at his friend’s face.

‘This is different, New’ He groans, ‘I used him’

Tay nodded nonchalantly, reaching for the remote to change the channel, ‘Yeah you did’

‘But maybe he’ll understand, you know? Maybe he’ll understand since you were hurt and it was kind of a big deal, and we often do stupid shit when we’re hurt. Though, what you did was still pretty awful, it’s not something communication wouldn’t fix.’

‘He wouldn’t understand, he’s the type to get what he always wanted. There’s no way in hell he would understand what I felt, and before that, I have to admit I was long gone. I was detached from that relationship even from the beginning and we all know it. He knows it. Then that night came and it was just awful and we all know there’s no coming back from that. He’s hurt enough, I don’t want to create more wounds’ He spits out, the familiar pang in his chest growing as he remembers all the effort Off tried to give into what was going on between them, just to make things work. He saw it, how Off would try hard just to work things out with him but unfortunately he ended up ruining everything anyway.

To his defense he was in the dark the whole time but he is well aware that that is not an excuse.

At this point there’s no excuses, no matter how hard he thinks about it.

He looks up to his friend’s eyes, ‘I tried. I tried to give us a chance but before I even know it, before I could even try to start and pull myself out of that dark place to start all over again, I was hurting him. I could see it in his eyes. I am draining what’s left of him.’

‘But what do you really feel about him?’ Tay ask, leaning back to the sofa after turning off the TV, there’s no use in searching for channels right now.

Gun sighs, ‘I don’t know-’

‘You see, that’s the problem, right there, you’re unsure of even your own feelings. Get it together damn it!’ New exclaimed as dramatic as ever, he is not holding back this time and he’s not planning on doing so after hearing what Gun told them. ‘The guy waited for you, he chose you for more than once, or at least based from what you’ve told us. Now it’s your time to choose, and those options are only yours to make. Are you going to work things out for the guy who’s literally in love with you or are you still hanged up with the guy who cheated on you and is now dea-’

‘New.’ Tay warned, making New shut his mouth.

Gun could almost feel his breath getting caught up in his throat, it feels like a cold water was just dumped into his whole being upon hearing that once again.

Even up to this day, a couple of days after hearing what Jaylerr has got to say, he still couldn’t believe it. The words of Jaylerr circling in his mind like echoes he wants to brush off.

_‘I was with him even before you guys even got together.’_

_‘I’m sorry, Gun, I really am’_

Just thinking about it makes him want to barf, he feels the worse he felt after a long time. His pointer finger finds it’s way on the base of his palm, scratching it until the skin becomes red. The feeling of being cheated on, used, is like a cold and hard slap to his face.

How could he be so blind?

The guy was using him all along and he doesn’t even have the slightest idea about it.

He was a pawn.

A part of the plan.

He was used.

And in return he used the person who apparently loved him most. How fucked up could his life get?

He shook his head, he has to set things straight, and there’s only one way to do so.

* * *

_‘Jaylerr’ He sighs once again, the anticipation is killing him. He combs his hair back with his finger due to frustration. ‘What is it? What is it that you want to tell me?’ He asks, looking down towards his watch._

_He really has no time for this._

_He heard Jaylerr breathe out before he hears the words he didn’t expect, ‘I knew Oab, I knew him for a long time’_

_Gun felt his heart stop from the mention of his name, even after months, Oab is still all he could think about. Hearing this from Jaylerr is not something he expected but it’s not really a shocker since he knows that Off and Oab grew up together, Jaylerr must have been there all along._

_He really wishes he saw Oab with them when he still can, a glimpse of who Oab was when he was younger, but it was a little too late for that._

_He forced a smile at the guy sitting beside him, not having any idea on where this is going but there’s no harm into recalling Oab’s memories for once in awhile._

_Plus, He’s afraid that if he becomes too good in distracting himself, he would forget everything Oab, completely._

_Though he doubts it._

_How he could he forget his first love?_

_When he didn’t reply, Jaylerr took it as a sign to continue. ‘He was driven, when he wants something he makes sure he tries and gets it, that’s just how he is.' Jaylerr pauses, not knowing how to continue what he was about to say but he knows deep in his heart that it’s only right for Gun to know this. ‘I always admire that about him, sometimes even a little too much’_

_Gun looks up, his eyebrows furrowed from confusion, ‘What are you-’_

_‘We met when I was really young, and as someone who grew up with literally no one, he became someone I could rely to, fast. He was my rock first, Gun. He was there whenever I play on stage, win or lose, doesn’t matter, he would always welcome me with a bright smile and he would always stood up from the crowd, like we’re the only people there’ Jaylerr took a breath before letting the words spill out of his mouth, ‘And you know, as a young and fragile boy who’s just trying to find himself, I fell in love with him, hard.’_

_‘Jaylerr- ‘_

_‘It’s not so long before he started showing interest in me too.’ He sighs, ‘I guess what I’m saying is, Gun, I was with him even before you guys even got together.’ Jaylerr admitted not letting Gun interrupt him, afraid that when he heard Gun’s protests he wouldn’t be able to carry on and beating around the bush wouldn’t really help anyone either, so here he is, telling his truth. ‘I’m sorry, Gun, I really am.’ he finishes off, his voice shaking along with his hands._

_‘What are you saying Jaylerr? You’re joking, right? Please tell me you’re joking and you just wanted to see a reaction from me, please’ Gun asks, begging, his ears ringing from the information he just heard._

_Jaylerr looks directly at the ground beneath his feet, not having the courage to look at Gun’s eyes. ‘He told me it was just for a short while, I didn’t know it would be this big.’ He shook his head, his tears rolling down on his cheeks and into the ground. His eyesight blurry and his voice cracking, ‘I was young Gun, I didn’t know any better, I know that’s not an excuse nor it would make you feel better but just know that I really am sorry. I’m not asking you to forgive me, you can be angry at me all you want, but I think you deserve to know the truth’ he looks up to see Gun’s bloodshot eyes._

_And with just looking at Gun he felt the heaviness back into his chest. He wishes he could have done things differently, he really does, but what’s done is done and there’s nothing he could do about it but to tell._

_That’s the least he could do._

_‘Why?’ Gun whispered which Jaylerr almost didn’t get at how soft it is. The question sounds like it wasn’t directed towards him at all but to the guy who was the reason behind all of these._

_With that question, Jaylerr was reminded of the root of everything, and since he’s telling the truth, all of it, why hold back now? He thought before he started once again._

_‘When we were young,’ He said quietly, he couldn’t believe it was him who’s going to tell this to Gun. He’s not sure if he deserves to be at this end of this conversation but he promised himself he wouldn’t hold back and so he continues, ‘Off was always the perfect guy, you know, he was the perfect son out of the three of us and in some ways they would always get compared to each other. He would tell me how unfair it was that Off would always get what he wants and that it’s so unfair that Off was living the perfect life and we’re just there to make him stand out even more. We were cutouts to make Off look good and at some point I believed him because I felt that too, which only made me fall even harder for him, because for once there’s someone who truly understands how I feel, for once I wasn’t really alone, and I have to admit I was blinded by it. I thought he was the one, so when he told me that there is someone that Off really likes and he started planning this little scheme, I didn’t do anything. I couldn’t do anything. I’m sorry, Gun’_

_‘Off? What-what do you mean?_

_Jayler sighs, ‘Off waited for you. For all these years, he waited, and I could see it in his eyes, the longing, I mean.’_

_‘Jaylerr you are not making any sense right now, what are you saying?’ Gun knows exactly what Jaylerr was trying to say, he understands it completely but he has to hear it again._

_He has to know for sure that his mind is just not making things up._

_‘It was Off. He was the one who saw you first.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, sorry for the long wait, don't worry we're almost there. After months, this story is about to see its end.


	26. 24: A change of heart

Jaylerr’s eyes scans the paper in his hands for the tenth time already, it’s not like there’s something he could do about it, he already rejected the invitation months ago. This was his dream, him and Oab’s to be exact, but how could he even get himself to accept something from Off, after everything he’s done, or didn’t do in that matter.

Guilt is something you can’t brush off no matter how hard you try to forgive yourself, because as hard it is to swallow the truth, this isn’t about him, for not even a little bit. He did something out of the irrationality of his youth and now he’s paying for it.

He breathes in, folding the acceptance letter once again before setting it on the table in front of him.

Maybe someday when he could look at himself in the mirror and say that he’s finally free, he would be able to continue with his dream, not for other people, not for Oab, but for him and him alone, but today is still a long way to go.

‘You did the right thing this time and I’m so proud of you’ James said from beside him, watching his every move as he stare at the folded paper in front of them.

‘Yeah right’ He smiled sadly, he may not feel good right now but having James beside him really brings security.

‘I’m not joking, this thing has been weighing you down for so long and finally you could break free’

‘I don’t think that’s true, I think I just made things worse.’ He admitted, looking up to search for his friend’s comforting eyes. ‘I spent almost every night thinking about how Gun looked when I told him, it feels like I was playing with him for the second time around.’ He paused taking a breath before he continues, ‘ Telling the truth felt even more selfish than before. It feels like I was breaking loose while imprisoning someone else and it feels like shit’

‘He needed that though, your needs aside, we all know that Gun deserves to know the truth. He deserves to continue with his life that is not so deeply rooted with the person he didn’t even know fully.’

He sighs, leaning on his seat and closing his eyes, if he just told Gun sooner this wouldn’t have happened. His brother wouldn’t have to suffered alongside them too.

‘He will heal Jay, you will too, just give it some time. Plus, you’re a victim too by that piece of shit’ James rolled his eyes, remembering all the time he caught his friend hurting because of the person who’s supposedly the one helping. It’s all fucked up and it’s all because of Oab. ‘Don’t beat yourself up too much’ James said, squeezing his shoulder before heading back to his room.

Seeing everything unfold in front of him and not doing something about it is far from being a victim. He is not the victim of this situation, he’s simply as bad as Oab.

He shook his head, grabbing the letter in front of him before crumpling it up and throwing it in the trash.

* * *

****\- :)** **

Gun looks at the sticky note on top of his desk along with some mini m&m’s, fully knowing that this is going to be the last time he’s going to see one of those as he grips his resignation letter in his right hand. After years of working in this company, he would for sure a lot.

He will the inviting and safe atmosphere.

He will miss being so close with New.

He will miss the people who watched him grow all these years into a career person.

He will miss Off, but he knows that this isn’t something he could control, he’s got to do what will help them heal, especially himself.

He took a deep breath before he knocks on the door, opening it and getting welcomed by the person he wasn’t able to see up until today.

It feels like an almost, a close call, he failed to see the one who saw him first.

Off looks up, his eyeglasses sliding down the bridge of his nose, a sight Gun wouldn’t get enough of, but now that he is finally willing to admit that, it’s over. Off raises his eyebrow, his facial expression not giving a single hint on how he feels about things, making Gun even more scared than he was from earlier, but he’s gotta do what he gotta do.

‘Do you want to have lunch?’ He asked, looking down at the ground, avoiding the eyes that looked at him like he was every other person. ‘It’s on me’ He said, scratching the back of his head, before he heard the seat of Off shifting and before he even knew it the guy is already in front of him.

‘Sure’ Off said subtly, sending shivers down Gun’s spine. It’s crazy how the simplest thing about Off drives him crazy, in the most inconvenient time.

Maybe this is his destiny, to be a little bit too late from everything.

The last person to know.

* * *

Off used to think that admiration and love for someone is absolute. There’s no other thing he could do about it but let it flow freely, at some point in the middle he didn’t really want it to stop.

Liking Gun, some may say its love, was enough for him. He didn’t ask for more, he wasn’t even asking for Gun to reciprocate his feelings when he was a lot younger. He was fine by just giving love to someone worthy, and boy, did he hate himself for it.

He hates how he lost all control within himself over his emotions. He hates how he kept on holding onto a loose rope.

For so long, Gun has been that person that looks like the finish line, the sweet victory after the loss of breath. Gun is his standard, nobody could ever compare with the way he smiles from simple things, the way he feels shy over normal and childish stuff.

Bottom line is, he makes Off feels brand new every time he graces Off with his presence, and it baffles Off at how someone who feels like a win suffocate him so much. How could someone who could make him feel so happy also be the person who’s been holding him back all this time.

At first he was sure that even if he’s in a room full of people, his eyes would only wander towards Gun. He was sure that Gun’s face was etched so far into his brain that he wouldn’t mistake it for someone else, but all this time it was all in his head.

This time encountering a lot of new faces, might even erase Gun, inch by inch.

Little by little.

This time he doesn’t have it in him to stop himself from doing so.

After that night he could just feel himself drifting away. It wasn’t really something directly said, Gun didn’t exactly reject him, but sometimes the things left unsaid are the most obvious.

He knows how Gun feels about him, he’s not stupid, blinded maybe, but stupid no. He knows that in those time of need, he was just the nearest person Gun could ever go to and his mistake was letting it, he let himself be the instrument Gun used to distract himself, and at first he couldn’t see anything wrong with that, since he wasn’t really competing with anyone but time.

He could wait, was what he always say.

He could wait for more years, but when Gun barged into his apartment it almost feels like Gun was just waiting for someone else to come back and it hurts because he knows he will never be that person.

He would never be that person that Gun wants.

He would never be Oab.

At that moment he learned that patience got him nowhere because after all this time he’s still on the losing end. No matter how hard he pulls, no matter how far he runs, he would still end up in the same place and it took a lot from him.

He thought he could change Gun’s heart but it was his that needs to change after all, he owes that to himself.

Now he’s starting to practice recognizing other people’s faces aside from the guy in front of him, now he’s not really sure if he would even notice if Gun was in the middle of the crowd.

Before he didn’t respect himself enough to walk away but right now it looks like he already has one foot out of the door, the worst thing about it is there’s no one to blame. Yes, some may say it’s Oab, and he really did an awful thing, but he was the one who chose this for himself.

He chose to stay, that’s his mistake.

He hadn’t had enough sleep ever since Jaylerr told him everything, conflicting him even more. He thought he could finally blame Gun. He thought he could finally have a reason to hate Gun.

He thought he had a reason to choose himself, but it turns out they were all victims, played by a cruel cruel man.

Upon remembering the guilt he felt when Oab told him he had cancer, he was devastated, guilty. He felt guilty for the things he felt naturally but now hearing about the truth makes him want to vomit. He couldn’t process on how a single guy could do something like that, and he couldn’t get himself to understand why he let it happen. Now all he could do is to wonder what could have happened if he fought for it.

What could have happened if he fought for Gun, though, now it’s too late, they are all too tired, too drained, too lost, to even try to pick up the broken pieces.

‘This is your last day in the office?’ He finally asks when they both seem to avoid each other’s gazes. He couldn’t stand the silence, it’s worse than not meeting at all.

‘Yes, I would be transferring back to my province’ Gun nodded.

So it’s true, this would probably be the last day they would see each other in a long while, but if he’s being honest he would have reacted differently if this was before. If he still has himself figured out. He might even try to stop Gun.

But before is a lot different from now.

‘So it’s all settled then?’ He asks nonchalantly.

‘Yeah’ There was another pause between them with him just observing Gun before he saw it take something from its bag. It didn’t take long before Gun slid a white envelop towards his direction.

‘What is this?’ He asked, raising it up before examining it, ‘You should given your resignation letter back to the office not to me’ He said giving it back before Gun stops him, the last thing he wants right now is a reminder of Gun’s departure.

‘No, no, it’s for you’ Gun said quietly before he nods his head, taking the envelop into the inner pocket of his jacket, not knowing what to say and not planning on opening the letter in front of Gun either.

He’s not that strong.

‘Can I ask you something?’ Gun asks, his pupils shaky before hearing Off hum, encouraging him to continue.

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

Off swallows, thinking about the right answer. Even without Gun asking it fully, it’s pretty obvious on what Gun wanted to know.

Why didn’t he?

Now that he thinks about it, there was a lot of open chances to tell Gun about everything, so why didn’t he?

‘The way you talk about him’ He started, clearing his throat, ‘It feels like how used to talk about you. I don’t know if I’m making any sense but I just, I know that feeling and I don’t want you to let go of that just yet’ He smiled sadly.

What a very shitty thing to say and think about but it’s the truth. Whenever Oab was in the picture, Gun would just lit up, turning into a different person completely.

‘Used to’ Gun whispered, nodding his head, looking down at his plate filled with untouched food.

‘Yeah, used to’ He admitted, chewing the side of his inner cheeks. He hates that he has to do this to believe it himself. He has to say it out loud not to convince Gun but mostly to convince the parts of him telling him otherwise. ‘Now, can I ask you something?’ he continues.

‘What is it?’

‘If you saw me first, would it have changed things?’ He finally asked the question that has been haunting him for so many years.

Would he have changed it if he was a little bit more brave?

‘Without a doubt’

* * *

Seeing another person sitting in the table in front of his office feels eerie, though, he made a choice to let Gun go it still feels awful in his part, like he forgot something important on the way. Arm was right, they are both really bad when it comes to relationships, but who cares? At least now he’s giving himself the respect that he deserves.

Now he’s not waiting for someone but himself, he has more space to breathe, think, and dream.

The crisp air hugs his figure as he walks down the crooked bridge in front of him, sitting down on the spot he claims as his. The bridge swings a little, getting use to his weight. The water beneath flowing freely and the trees are dancing alongside the wind.

He never felt more alive.

He leaned his frame towards one of the sturdy ropes, closing his eyes for a bit. The silence doesn’t bother him anymore in fact it seems to comfort him. He breathes in before he reaches into his pocket to see the unopened enveloped. His fingers grazing the pointy sides of it, his eyes wandering towards every sides, observing.

He’s not sure if he’s ready to see what’s inside but he’s had enough of waiting.

He opened the envelop, taking the content before unfolding it to see Gun’s hand writing. The words are all blurry, not making any sense, before he gathers up all the courage to try and comprehend what is left for him to know.

_Dear Off,_

_Falling in love isn’t something a person like me gets to experience a lot, so when I did, I held on to it. I held onto it nice and tight. My mistake is holding onto the wrong person. That I know now. That is something I would take with me for the rest of my life, I hope you don’t try to do the same thing._

_I don’t really have anything else to say but sorry, I’m sorry Off._

_I’m sorry for not seeing the clear picture, I was too hang up to my own world that I was blinded by it. If you’re going to ask me if I hate him for doing awful things, I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to answer you directly, its one of the things I need to heal from._

_That’s it, that’s the word I’ve been searching for. Healing._

_We deserve that._

_You deserve that._

_Everything aside from letting go is a step back, I hope you’ll keep on moving forward. This time don’t hold anything back, go full on life. You have a lot left to live on._

_I love you, Off. I realized that now, how dumb was I, huh? And to say it in a letter? I really am a coward._

_Do me a favor? I want to see the person that I love choose happiness._

_Please choose to be happy every single day._

_Choose yourself this time and don’t wait on anyone, I promise you you’ll meet someone who will match your pace, but for now that someone is not me, we both know that._

_Until we meet again,_

_\- GUN_


	27. 25: Hearts don't break around here.

****2 years later** **

‘Gun, you’re home!’ His nephew screamed after hearing the front door close, bringing a smile into his face. It’s been two years since he came back to his hometown and every day his nephew manages to welcome him with a warm smile that he couldn’t get enough of.

‘Hey kiddo, how was school?’ He asked back, placing his bag on top of their kitchen counter and looking for something to eat.

‘We got to play dodgeball today and Stacey, one of my classmates, got hit in the fa-

‘Oh good you’re here’ His dad said after entering the room, interrupting his nephew that just threw it's attention else where, patting him on the shoulder before continuing, ‘Your sister needs help with the plants outside, would you mind helping her?’ He smiled, opening the fridge to get a glass of orange juice.

He shook his head, taking off his blazer jacket before going outside only to be welcomed by a huge mess, plants and gardening tools are everywhere.

One thing he learned upon going home is that his family is as chaotic as before, one of the reasons why he went to another place to study and look for a job. This place used to be too loud for him but after the two years he spent back all he could really feel is comfort.

‘Hey, when did you came back?’ She asked, picking up a huge plant to transfer to the other side of their backyard, which looks too heavy for her petite figure urging Gun to hurry and take it from her.

‘A few minutes maybe’ He answered, completing the task before deciding on folding the sleeves of his shirt, thinking it’s too much of a hassle.

She nodded, getting the water hose to untangle it, before setting it on the corner beneath the faucet. ‘Mom would have loved this idea I have’ She smiled, looking around to try and envision what she’s planning on doing.

‘Yeah, she would probably thank you for finally reorganizing this dump’ He chuckles. Their mom loved gardening and organizing things in their house and when she passed away when they were still young, nobody really cared enough to restore the place, they all kinda just let it go.

But maybe not all broken things are hopeless.

His sister smiled before walking towards him and sitting on top of the huge rock that they will have to move later, patting the little spot next to her, encouraging him to do the same. ‘When are you coming back?’

‘What?’ He asked although he already knows what she was asking him.

‘When are you coming back to Bangkok?’ She raises her eyebrows, nudging his shoulder lightly.

‘What do you mean come back? I love it here’ He said, making her roll her eyes at him.

‘Yeah right, we all know how much you love that place’ She laughs, taking off her gardening gloves.

‘Don’t tell me you want me to move away that badly’ He teased, smirking on his spot.

She shrugs, ‘You got me’ She answered jokingly, placing her gloves on the ground next to her, massaging her fingers before she continues, ‘No, but in all seriousness, are you not planning on coming back?’

Gun exhales, he can’t deny the amount of times he has thought about coming back, but for what? ‘I don’t think there’s a reason for me to come back anymore.’

‘Yeah right’ She said, putting her hands on his shoulder, squeezing it. ‘There will always be a reason Gun, sometimes it’s not the place itself. Plus, you can always come back here, you know that.’

‘I know, of course. Of course I know that’ He answered putting his arm over her shoulder, squeezing her tight against him, ‘and I love it here, I really do, I think this is what I needed all along, in fact, I don’t really think that going back to Bangkok will do me any good’

‘Doesn’t look like it’ She chuckles, leaning her head on Gun’s shoulder, looking up.

‘I’m sorry about that, I’ll try to show it more I guess’ He answered, laughing a little.

‘Or you could just try and fix whatever it is that’s been bothering you’

‘You’re bothering me right now’ He said jokingly before pulling away from her gently, standing up and brushing off the dust from his pants.

She laughs before remembering the thing he reminded herself to tell Gun, ‘Oh and there’s an invitation for you on top of the fridge, maybe that’s going to be a good enough reason for you’ She winks, ‘I put it on top of the refrigerator so that the kids wouldn’t be able to get to it before you do’

‘Okay’ He nodded, curious as to what kind of invitation will he get at this time of the year, before heading back inside, searching for it.

He spent a couple of minutes, searching for it before his hand made contact with the enveloped.

He breathes out as soon as he opens it to read what it’s about.

**_**Please Join us to celebrate our Wedding** _ **

**_**The union of two souls** _ **

**__ **

* * *

The grass looks greener than when it was his first time visiting this place. Bold letters of the name tattooed in his mind welcomed him as he looks down. 

****Oab oabnithi Wiwattanawarang** **

****1994 - 2019** **

****A loving son.** **

Jaylerr took his time, sitting on top of the grave, adjusting his guitar on his lap, grazing his fingers on the strings and taking his time to catch his breath.

He couldn’t remember the last time he went to this place, but now that he’s debuting in just a couple of weeks, he feels like he owes Oab a visit even for just the last time, it was their song he was debuting to anyway.

‘Hey, it’s been a long time, huh?' He started, feeling a little crazy as he speaks the words from his mind. He’s the only person around the area except the old couple at the far left corner of the graveyard.

The wind blows into his skin like uneven breaths, matching his, as if knowing how uncertain he is with the presence of the first boy he ever loved.

‘I’m debuting by the way, I thought you would like to know. I got lucky to be scouted by 4nologue’ He chuckles, imagining how Oab would have taken the news, when all of these were only their dream. They used to pick companies that looked the most ideal, and one of those is 4nologue.

At least one of their dreams came true.

‘I may not be able to go into university as planned but it’s not too late to try, maybe someday I could when I have the confidence to, but it wouldn’t be in that university anymore.’ He inhaled, staring at the flowers on top of the grave. ‘I decided to stop living your dreams for you Oab’ He smiled sadly, it was one of the toughest things he has to do but he’s glad he’s almost past it.

‘I hope you don’t mind me using this song when I auditioned and as I use it next week on our debut showcase’ He smirks, strumming the guitar to the familiar harmony that would always get praises from Oab.

Oh how he misses that comfort, but longing is not enough to take a step backwards.

He hums alongside with it before wording the lyrics that seem to describe what they had together; a home, a companion, a friend, and a lover.

Oab may have done things to hurt a lot of people but he can’t deny the fact that he wouldn’t be here, trying to reach for the stars, if it wasn’t for Oab, and for that he is somewhat grateful.

He smiles as he finishes the song, patting the grass beside him, as if giving an invitation for Oab to be with him for the last time.

He hears the leaves rustling from around him and for a moment that was enough closure. He could now move forward without looking back. He stares at Oab’s name once more before breathing out, standing up, and walking away.

There’s no need for him to look back anymore, his gaze straight ahead into a boy smiling at him, leaning on his car.

‘I told you to just come with me if you’re just going to wait outside, it’s hot as hell today’ He said smiling, seeing how the other guy was slightly sweating already.

‘If I went with you, I couldn’t promise I wouldn’t spit on his grave’ James said, rolling his eyes and earning a laugh from Jaylerr, before he opens the door towards the driver’s seat, waiting for Jaylerr to join him on the passenger.

There was a moment of silence between the both of them before James decided to ask. ‘How are we feeling?’ He looks towards Jaylerr, reaching for his hand, squeezing it.

‘Better than I ever was’ Jaylerr smiles, looking back at him, this was the first time he saw Jaylerr this light and happy after a long time and he couldn’t ask for more.

‘Good’ He smiled back, before remembering something he thought of teasing Jaylerr with, ‘Did you tell him you already have a new and better boyfriend?’ He wiggles his eyebrows, leaning in for a kiss before Jaylerr smacks his lips.

‘There’s no need’ Jaylerr laughs, making James pout from his seat, crossing his arms over his chest.

‘Oh is that so?’

‘Yeah’ Jaylerr nodded, smiling at how James looks right now, it was sight he was used to seeing. ‘He doesn’t deserve to know more about me’

James couldn’t help but smile at that, ‘Damn right he doesn’t’

* * *

It’s weird how a place could look so similar yet feel so different. A couple of years ago he would have seen Oab’s face wherever, but now Bangkok looks nothing like that, it almost looks brand new. The busy street was as it was before with the humid air mixed with smoke and dust.

Maybe after the wedding, his sole purpose for going back, he could walk around, go to tourist spots and pretend it’s his first time seeing Bangkok, he’s always wanted to do that and maybe after that he could go home once again, but this time with no loose ends.

He parks his car in front of the hall of where the ceremony is about to happen. He adjusted his rear view mirror, checking his attire if it’s presentable enoug since he would probably see familiar people whom he lost contact with for the past two years again, so he might as well look decent.

Upon going back to his hometown, he tried to avoid and distance himself with the others as much as he could, it’s one of the the things that really helped him sort his shit out. With that being said, this is giving him more anxiety than he expected. He fixes his hair, practicing his smile a couple of times before getting out of the vehicle, going straight to the entrance.

His palms are getting sweatier with each step over the nervousness of meeting with someone he doesn’t expect. For a moment his feet halted and his subconscious are telling him to just turn around and walk away, he swallows the lump forming in his throat before he turns around, reaching for his car keys in his pocket before he heard someone speak from behind.

‘Gun? You’re back?’

He turns his head slowly only to see his former boss, Arm, smiling back at him. His hand immediately reaches on the back of his head, his eyes straight on the ground before he looks up to answer.

‘Yeah, I guess, just for this’ He answered, forcing out a smile.

Arm nodded, ‘Have you seen-’

‘How are you?’ He asked, trying to divert the topic, he doesn’t know if he’s ready enough to answer any questions regarding Off at the moment, he’ll deal with it later.

‘I’m good, you?’

‘I’m doing better’

‘Well that’s great’ Arm said, before seeing how they are holding up the line behind them, ‘Do you want to maybe talk over the garden over there?’

Gun looks over to the place Arm is saying before nodding his head, he knows he wouldn’t be able to get out of this one even if he tries so he should just agreed to get this over with.

The garden beside the church looks cozy enough to be inviting, the flowers are color coordinated with the motif of the ceremony, which is kind of cute, he didn’t know this wedding would be the cutesy type but maybe time changed people or maybe he just doesn’t know the person enough.

‘How’s work back to your place? Do you miss us?’ Arm jokes, taking a seat in the middle of the nook.

‘I don’t think so’ He smirks, teasing back before taking the seat next to Arm who chuckles in response.

‘Are still working on SEO or?’

‘No I’m currently managing our local business but I’m planning on looking for a marketing position when I get back’ He smiled before staring at his shoes, there’s something about Arm’s gaze that he couldn’t take, it’s like Arm could read all of him instantly.

‘You know he waited for you’ Arm said, making Gun’s head whip towards his direction. He knew this topic would resurface sooner or later, he just wasn’t aware it was this soon, but he thinks he prepared his heart for this. The moment he agreed on coming back to Bangkok, he prepared himself for instances like this.

He has to be prepared, what else could he do?

‘I mean, when we were still in college, you are all he talks about it’s crazy and I was there to witness all the madness’ Arm shakes his head, remembering the times he spent consoling Off.

‘I didn’t know’

‘Yeah it wasn’t all on you, Off was kinda dumb when it comes to love’ Arm is still as straightforward as he was ever since and Gun doesn’t really seem to mind. ‘No offense but I sometimes told him to just find someone else’ He continued, surprisingly earning a laugh from the both o them.

When Gun didn’t reply, Arm took it as an invitation to continue, ‘But I guess that’s just how it goes, I couldn’t understand it at first but wearing the same shoes helped me a lot with understanding.’ Arm smiled, leaning his back more onto the bench.

‘How is he?’ Gun surprised even himself after those words left his mouth, he didn’t expect himself caving in with his curiosity but it happened right before he know it. His eyes wander from the ground towards the eyes of the man beside him.

‘Honestly’ Arm started, taking a breath, observing Gun’s face, ‘Never been better. I really think that this time he really is happy’

Gun nodded, his heart pounding heavily in his chest. That puts him in so much ease, it’s about time they started moving forward.

‘That’s great’ He said his voice shaking a little, though he wants to appear confident there’s no doubt that it still left an effect on him.

He looks down on his watch only to see that they only have fifteen minutes left before the ceremony starts, he cleared his throat, ‘Maybe we should go back’ He smiled at Arm nodding at him.

‘Yeah I think so too, but Gun?’ Arm called out, stopping him from standing up on his feet.

‘Hmm?’

‘Could you do me a favor?’

* * *

If the outside was beautiful then the interior is magical, Gun’s jaw almost reached the floor at how simple yet captivating the place is, it even smells great. Gun sighs, taking a seat that feels the most comfortable and convenient for him, which is the seat on the far right corner of the room with the least amount of lights, trying to not be seen by anyone as he observes the people around, some of them are from the office which he would probably have to greet later on.

A lot of them didn’t change at all, making him feel a little bit of regret with the longing forming in his heart. Some of these people helped him get through a lot and with that he would be forever grateful, maybe later on he could catch up with them. Upon observing the people, he saw the one he tried to avoid the most out of everyone.

Off looks dashing in his suit with his maroon neck tie and slicked back hair, making Gun feel all sorts of things. Even from far away he could see what Arm was talking about, he looks more carefree than before, if that even make sense. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Off smiling while greeting the people by the middle row.

How could he not remember Off being this good looking before?

He looks down on the ground afraid that when he stare too much he would get his attention and that is just plain awkward for the both of them so he tried to distract himself until he heard the signal that the ceremony is about to begin.

He smiles as he sees his friends walking down the isle. He couldn’t believe that New and Tay would really end up with each other. He almost claps when he saw both of his close friends stop in the middle of the altar, holding hands and looking into each other’s eyes, he’s just so happy seeing them and it was stupid of him to second guess himself earlier, if it wasn’t for Arm he wouldn’t have been here right now, he would probably be back to his hotel room watching movies to preoccupy himself.

That’s so selfish of him, he’s glad he didn’t go through with it.

‘Today we are all here to witness the beautiful celebration of two souls intertwining into eternity’

He could feel his smile getting bigger as he watch the story unfold in front of him, though, not being able to be the greatest friend to Tay and New, he still loves them as much and he’s so happy to see them get the happiness they both deserve.

As minutes goes by his mind couldn’t help but go back to the man he’s been thinking of nonstop for two whole years, maybe comfort and happiness isn’t limited to just the people around them maybe they could have it too. His eyes went from his friends up front, towards the pillar near to where Off was seating and then finally into the exact same eyes that he has been missing, he could feel his cheeks heating up when he saw Off already looking at him, making him divert his gaze to somewhere else.

_Damn it, why does he look so good with just looking, fuck._

His urges grew stronger as he tries to take a peek once more, but unfortunately the man he’s looking for isn’t there anymore.

‘Is this seat taken?’ He heard someone ask before looking up to see Off closer than ever.

He shook his head no before Off adjusted his tie, plopping to the seat beside him. The ceremony continues with him not knowing what to say and before they even know it, it’s time for the vows.

Off smiles, leaning in before whispering to him, ‘They look so good together’ He couldn’t help but shiver from the vibrations he felt from the other guy, he looks up to see Off’s eyes on him and he almost couldn’t catch his breath at how close they are.

Being away for two years puts more gasoline to the fire that is consuming them.

‘Yeah, they do’ He smiles back.

* * *

‘Congratulations!’ He greeted when they all arrived at the receptions, he was supposed to congratulate them earlier but since there are a lot of people wanting to greet the newlyweds he decided to just wait for the right time when he could talk to them better.

New rolled his eyes at him jokingly before taking him into a tight hug, ‘You finally graced us with your presence, huh’ he said, raising his eyebrows.

‘Wouldn’t miss it for the world’ Gun smiled, hugging back. Maybe he could come back after the honeymoon and try to catch up with the two.

‘We missed you’ Tay smiled, this time it was him who was hugging Gun.

‘I missed the both of you too’ He answered, pulling away and admiring the couple in front of him before New decided to open his mouth and ruin his smile.

‘Looks like it wasn’t just us whom you miss’ New wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’ He tried to deny, though, knowing that there’s no point into doing so.

‘Oh please, I could see you blushing from where I was standing’ New smirks.

‘Did you plan this?’ He asks, now it’s getting more clear to him on why he would see Off in here when things wouldn’t have gone this way two years ago.

New rolled his eyes, ‘You are not that important’ He chuckles, teasing Gun once more, ‘And no, since you left us anyways, we figured that we have to replace you with someone else and Off was there at the exact moment, that’s just it’

Before he could even protest, the MC called out to the newlyweds and in an instant they are back to the front making toasts.

* * *

_Looks like we made it_

_  
__Look how far we've come, my baby_

 _  
__We might have took the long way_

 _  
__We knew we'd get there someday_

The songs echoes as the dance floor opens for the guests to enjoy themselves and invite each other to sway to their hearts content. As the night deepens, the breeze grew stronger. Having the wedding near the ocean really has its perks. Gun hold his figure tighter as he circles the champagne glass with his fingers.

Jaylerr strums the guitar softly, making everyone swoon and setting the mood. Gun noticed how Jaylerr grew for the past few years, he looks more like Off than before but he has this aura of him that just stands out, differentiating him from his brother.

It’s like his way of telling that he is his own person, not anyone’s shadow, and with that Gun couldn’t help but smile. He sways his figure to the beat of the song, inhaling the salty air.

There’s nothing better than free champagne and cake, he smiles as he placed the glass back to his table, taking a bite out of the cake.

‘Care for a dance?’ He looks up with his mouth still full towards the guy with the maroon necktie smiling down at him.

He forced himself to swallow the remaining food in his mouth before wiping the corners of his mouth with a table napkin. Struggling to find the right words he nodded his head, taking Off’s hand in his. As soon as he lets Off drag him towards the dance floor, he couldn’t believe what is happening, the exchange of words at the ceremony wasn’t enough to fix what was lost but oddly he feels comfortable.

Comfortable enough to rest his head on Off’s shoulder as they sway with the music. Off hums along with his brother, and the people around doesn’t seem to care. Everyone is in their own zone, celebrating the unity of the couple and enjoying each other.

With Gun that’s exactly the case, he closes his eyes, squeezing Off’s hand tighter.

Is this even real?

But of course, because it is Off he knows he doesn’t need to ask anymore questions as to what are they doing or how are they so comfortable after everything that has happened before.

Because it is Off, he could just be like everyone else.

_Ain't nothin' better_

_  
__We beat the odds together_

 _  
__I'm glad we didn't listen_

 _  
__Look at what we would be missin'_

‘You’re back’ Off whispered gently to his ear, loud enough for the both of them to understand each other. He opens his eyes, pulling away a little to look into Off’s .

‘I am’ He smiled.

‘For good?’

‘Willing’ He raises his eyebrow, feeling Off pull him closer. Close enough to pretend they could feel each other’s heartbeats.

‘Any baggage?’ Off asks just to clarify, they’ve done the guessing game for too long, now if they are going to push through whatever this is, they have to do it right.

No room for any more mistakes, he couldn’t lose Gun one again.

‘Not that I know of’ Gun answers, shrugging, not even trying to pretend he’s thinking about the answers. From this day on he would just blurt them out, he would just be honest with Off and himself.

From this day on he would just be completely bare.

Off smiles bridging the gap between them, brushing his nose lightly onto Gun’s, earning an earnest smile from the other before he crosses the gap in between their lips. It was a short and brief kiss that says a lot about the time wasted.

 _You're still the one I run to_ _  
__The one that I belong to_ _  
__You're still the one I want for life_

 _  
__You're still the one that I love_ _  
__The only one I dream of_ _  
__You're still the one I kiss goodnight_

Gun looks up into the warmest set of eyes looking intently at him with Arm’s words still in his mind.

_‘Could you do me a favor?_

_‘Don’t waste anymore chances.’_

That, he won’t, and this time there’s no holding back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, the only chapter that is left would be the Epilogue and this story will be over, finally, huh? :))


	28. Epilogue: Daylight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of the chapter: Daylight by Taylor Swift

‘Off!’ Gun chuckles, trying to push the guy in front of him, he could feel Off’s smile against his neck, making him laugh even more, ‘Off, not here’ He repeated, looking around the room that looks and feels so familiar to him. 

Off laughs with him, pulling away before looking into his eyes, ‘Why not? It’s not like anyone’s just gonna barge in here’ Off jokes, resting his hands on his desk, trapping Gun in the middle. 

‘Let me just pretend you didn’t just say that’ Gun rolls his eyes before resting his head on Off’s shoulder, closing his eyes right after, taking in Off’s scent. He was just supposed to visit today but Off looks like he has something else in mind. 

‘How’s your day? You sure you don’t want to come back working here?’ Off asks, drawing circles on Gun’s back, encouraging Gun to just close his eyes and just be present in the simple moment that he’s in Off arms, even if it’s in broad daylight and even if they do this for almost every day. Hell, it even looks and feels like they’re already living together with how much time he spends in Off’s place. 

He smiles, pulling back from the embrace to look at Off eyes before Off speaks one more, ‘I’m kidding and I’m really proud of you for going for the job that you really want’ Off said, leaning forward to cross the distance between their faces, pressing their nose gently towards each other. 

Gun smiles about to press his lips against his boyfriend before the door creeks open, catching both of their attention. Off straightens his posture as soon as he saw the figure looking at them, making Gun even more nervous. 

‘Dad’ 

* * *

The sound of the gentle music is the only thing Gun could focus on as he couldn’t help but fidget, feeling Off’s boring holes into his face, observing him closely. 

‘Gun was it?’ He asks, his voice deep and stern, making him grasp Off’s hand tighter.

Gun looks up, meeting the eyes the resembles Off too much it scares him.

He nods his head, ‘Yes si-’ he was about to answer before he got interrupted.

‘Call me uncle’ Off’s father said, taking him by surprise. He looks up to the guy beside him smiling back at him to reassure him once again.

‘I think you broke Gun, dad’ Off chuckles, squeezing his hand.

‘I sure hope not son’ Off’s dad chuckles, before sipping from his cup of coffee. With that, Gun felt his heart calming down. There’s no point in lying, Off’s father really did scare him, for one he’s not really used to a welcoming environment seeing that he just healed from his past relationship. 

‘So how is he? Is he treating you fine?’ Off’s father asks, settling his cup of coffee on the coaster by the table. 

‘Yes, Si- I mean, Uncle’ Gun answers, stumbling in his words, making Off’s father laugh. 

‘No need to be so nervous around me, kid’ He shook his head, grabbing the blueberry muffin in front of them.

Gun looks up at Off as if asking if he could now be comfortable with his father, Off smiles warmly before nodding his head. 

This is going to need some getting used to. 

‘But if you happen to have any problems with this one,’ Off’s father continues, looking at Off teasingly furrowing his eyebrows. ‘Just tell me, I can still disown him’ he jokes, earning a few chuckles and a nervous snicker from Gun. 

‘As if I would do such a thing’ Off smirks, handing Gun a glass of water from his side of the table. 

There was a second that passed by them before Gun found the right words to say, ‘Thank you’ He said quietly. He swallows the lump forming in his throat before he repeated, ‘Thank you Uncle’ he said once more but this time a little louder. 

Off’s father smiles, shaking his head, ‘You don’t have to thank me, I didn’t do anything. You’re free to love after all 

Off clears his throat when the atmosphere feels too sentimental for him to handle. ‘By the way, Dad, are you going tonight?’ Off asks, remembering his unspoken promise to Jaylerr. 

‘I wouldn’t miss it for the world’ 

Off nodded, now all is well and he really hopes that this would mend past wounds even though it wouldn’t be as grand, this would be enough. 

He looks at Gun, finally smiling as his father went on how he would prepare for Jaylerr’s debut tonight. 

This is more than enough. 

* * *

Jaylerr inhaled, gripping his guitar a little tighter as he peeks towards the audience from backstage. The fog from the machines clouding his vision. The smell of adrenaline fills the air. This is going to be his first stage ever, singing his own rendition of Taylor Swift’s Daylight, and then later on his second stage after a couple of other performances, that’s when he’ll sing his and Oab’s song. 

This all feels so unreal like he’s floating with the clouds and there’s no going back. If you ask him if this was what he dreamt of, he would probably say that this was farther from what he imagined. 

This is everything he could ask for, and more. 

He smiles earnestly as he heard his name being called by the host, his heart pounding in his chest while his feet feel almost nailed on the ground but he still manages to make his way on the stool in the center of the stage. He doesn’t know if it’s just him or if the people really are silent, like anticipating his every move, making him sweat a little. 

He took a seat, resting the guitar on his lap before smiling at the audience, that’s when he heard welcoming applause. He looks around to spot the one thing that could ease his nerves, as promised, James is sitting in the front seat smiling at him, motioning for him to carry on but that’s not the only thing that made his heart stop, beside Jaylerr is his Father, looking too formal for the event, nodding at him. 

He could feel his heart getting heavier so he decided to look away, this is not the time for him to break down. 

He took a deep breath before speaking into the mic, his voice echoing in the open area, ‘I hope you guys like this song, here’s Daylight by Taylor swift’ He smiles, hearing cheers from the crowd, giving him the fire to continue. He strums the guitar softly, creating a melody with just his fingers.

_ My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in _

_ Everyone looked worse in the light _

_ There are so many lines that I've crossed unforgiven _

_ I'll tell you the truth, but never goodbye _

Picking a song for tonight wasn’t at all hard for him, the moment that he was informed that he was going to sing two songs, his mind immediately went towards this song. Maybe because it’s almost a direct narrative of how he felt with this whole situation. 

His heart keeps pounding hard on his chest, almost like matching the beat of the song as he continues. 

_ Luck of the draw only draws the unlucky _

_ And so I became the butt of the joke _

_ I wounded the good and I trusted the wicked _

_ Clearing the air, I breathed in the smoke _

It feels so good to finally speak his truth. 

It feels good to finally be free. 

He searches the crowd to match the eyes that keep looking at him from the guy that has been his since day one. He smirks, seeing how James' eyes remain wide. He sings the chorus not wanting to break eye contact with his Daylight. 

_ I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you _

_ I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you _

_ I've been sleeping so long in a twenty-year dark night _

_ And now I see daylight,  _

_ I only see daylight _

He smiles, knowing how he nailed that before strumming more urgent for the rest of the song. Urgent and loud applause fills the air as he finishes the song and when he looked at the front the one thing he’s been singing to wasn’t there anymore. He looks towards his father as if asking where James went, only to be welcomed with a smug look and a shrug. 

He shook his head, ignoring it before smiling back at the people cheering for him, he bows and waves before exiting the stage. Sweat dripping down his forehead, and his knees buckling. He didn’t get the chance to collect himself before he felt arms wrapped around his neck and before he even knew it his lips are pressed against someone. He smiles throughout the kiss before pulling away, looking back at James, crying in front of him. He settles his guitar by the wall, pulling James on the side as to not cause any disturbance before he wipes the tears forming from the corner of James' eyes. 

‘Why are you crying?’ he asks even though he already knows the answer. 

‘I just’ James tried to answer, his lips quivering, ‘I just really love you so much and you look so cool earlier’ James admitted, making the both of them chuckle. If it weren’t for his second performance he would have teared up too but he has to control it, for now, instead, he took James into his arms, squeezing before he whispers. 

‘I love you too’

* * *

‘Arm it’s too early to visit the bar’ Tay jokes, seeing in which direction Arm was going. 

Arm glares at him, ‘I am not-’ 

‘Okay, we’ll believe that’ New butted in, following from behind. 

Arm groans, kicking the sand from below his feet, ‘Well not every one of us is in a happy relationship’ he rolls his eyes, seeing the pairs making their way towards the ocean. 

‘Just let me set you up with someone, come on it will be fun’ New shakes his head, adjusting his sunglasses when he realized the sun really is not holding back today. 

‘The last time I let you do that, the girl stole my phone’ He glares at New, remembering the incident he went through during that blind date. 

He shivers as he remembers losing all of his contacts and important notes that night. 

‘He has a point on that one’ Tay laughs, pulling New closer to him. 

‘Waiting is part of the process’ Off wiggles his eyebrow with his arm around Gun. 

‘Yeah for you maybe’ Arm sighs, why did he even agree to go to this when he knew he would only be the fifth wheel. 

And nobody likes the fifth wheel. 

‘Oh come on, you’ll find love’ Gun teased, rubbing it in more, Whenever they get together they always find ways to tease Arm. Not purely to make fun of Arm’s situation, but to urge Arm to make a move and try gambling with love once more. There’s a lot of people out there wanting him, he’s just really hostile towards romantic relationships, but then he’ll get all cranky and annoyed that he’s not in one.

‘Oh come on, you’ll find love’ Arm mocks bitterly, making a face towards Gun, earning laughs from his friends. 

Tay patted the spot beside him as soon as he sits down by the shore before all of them followed. The wind blowing on their hair, the smell of saltwater filling their nostrils. 

Off smiles looking at Gun plays with the sand with his feet, wiggling his toes to feel the ocean that they promised to go back to. 

‘Gun?’ Someone called from behind, turning heads from the group. 

‘Love?’ Gun asks back, standing up and welcoming his old friend into a hug. Love is someone he was closed to when they were still in high school. He pulled away looking at the girl smiling at him. 

‘It’s been so long’ He said, he couldn’t believe his eyes. 

‘I know’ Love said enthusiastically, she’s always been one of the good ones. ‘How are you?’ She asks once more. 

‘I’m good, doing better, you?’ 

‘I’m glad to hear that, I have a lot to tell, do you want to maybe have some coffee later?’ She asks before Gun nods, they would be here for two nights anyway, maybe catching up with an old friend wouldn’t hurt. 

‘Sure, I’ll see you later’ He smiles before someone clears their throat behind him, he chuckles seeing Off looking up at them, expecting an introduction. 

‘Oh right’ Gun laughs, pulling Love closer to his friend group, ‘Guys, this is Love, a friend from high school, this is my friends and that right there’ He chuckles, pointing at Off, ‘That’s my boyfriend’ 

Love smiles, bowing her head a little to the new people she met. 

‘Oh and Love?’ Gun asks suddenly, Love looks up raising her eyebrows at Gun, ‘Are you by chance married?’ 

Love furrowed her eyebrows on the confusion of the sudden question. She shakes her head, ‘I’m single as far as I know’ She said unsure of why they are having this conversation so suddenly. 

Gun nodded, ‘Oh okay, I’ll ask more about that later’ Gun chuckles before continuing, ‘By the way, this is my friend, Arm’ he smiles, pointing at Arm. 

‘Arm this is Love’ 

* * *

Off sighs, laying on the sand below him, ‘You know’ He said, looking up towards Gun who is sitting up. ‘Introducing Arm to someone right now might have been your best idea so far’ he said, laughing, before Gun copies him, laying right beside him. He put his arm around Gun’s shoulder, pressing him closer. 'He wouldn't have left us alone if it weren't for that' 

It really doesn’t matter if they’re outside, laying on the sand, and people can see them but what really matters is that he’s living his dreams and there’s is no stopping for someone. Plus, it’s almost 6 pm. 

Gun breathes out before speaking, ‘The sunset looks so beautiful, I’m really glad we came back here’ he smiles, snuggling closer to Off, feeling the firm arms wrap around him. 

‘Me too, I’m glad we came back today’ Off smiles. Thinking about it,  there’s nothing he could really ask for but this, well, except for one. 

He groans, ‘Ow’ 

Gun looks up to see his face scrunching from the pain, his eyes widen as he doesn’t know what to do. ‘What? What is it?’ 

‘Something is piercing my back, Ow’ Off groans once again, making Gun panic even more. 

‘Are you okay? Should I call for help? What is happening’ 

‘Something hard is piercing my back, could you get it for me?’ 

‘What? Where is it’ Gun asks, confused about what is happening since they were just laying comfortably with each other from earlier and now Off is screaming in pain. His hands unconsciously searches for what was bothering Off but the sand seems to be getting in the way so he needs to dig a little. Once Off is sitting upright he continues to search, since it’s almost night time it’s even harder for him to look around but after a few minutes of fondling around, his fingers finally came in contact with something hard, his eyes not leaving Off who is still in pain. 

What could possibly go wrong right now? His heart beats faster as he pulled on to the hard thing that must have scraped Off’s back. After pulling it out he siped it with his shirt, wanting to see if it’s a part of a sea urchin or something he should be concerned about, at this point, there’s nothing going on in his mind except his panic and concern for Off. 

When he finally saw what was in his hand, he looked up at Off confused, before looking back at it. In his hand is a very gorgeous ring that has the most gorgeous diamond in the middle and a set of smaller diamonds in a row into the band. 

‘It’s a ring’ He said before he attempted to stand up, ‘We should probably report this to the lost and found-’

He felt Off’s hand in his arm, stopping him from taking another step. 

‘I’m sorry I’m not that creative and I scared you a little’ Off said looking up at him with one knee on the sand. ‘And I’m sorry that I am lost for words right now and that I’m not really good at this’ He said earnestly. 

Gun could feel his heartbeat quickening as he listens more to what Off is trying to say. Even though even without words he would have agreed. 

He could feel the tears threatening to fall on the side of his eyes, but he swallowed his sobs for later and let Off finish. 

‘But one thing that I’m not sorry for is waiting for you, Gun, because I love you and if I have to wait for you in the next lifetime I would, without a second thought, I would. Right now all I really want to is to spend all of my days with you, will you let me?’ Off asks, clearing his throat right after, to say that Gun is surprised would be an understatement. 

He was clueless but in a good way. 

In the best way. 

‘Will you marry me?’ Off asks before Gun started nodding excitedly. 

‘Yes,’ He screamed, not giving a fuck to whoever may see them or hear them before he saw Off place the ring into his finger. 

Without even thinking, he pulled Off into its feet, placing his lips into his in an urgent kiss. His tears flowing into his cheeks as he felt Off carry his weight into his arms, spinning him around. 

He pulled away for a moment before looking into Off’s eyes, ‘I love you. I love you, Off’ He whispers before he saw a smile on Off’s face. 

They could never be closer than this. 

And after a lot of waiting and a lot of searching, he finally found his. 

His place in this crazy world, and that’s in the arms of the one he truly loves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello as promised, we finished it :) I would like to apologize for all the delay and I would like to thank you all for waiting and still reading this. This has been a journey to say the least, and I am more than happy to share it with you all. To be honest, this is not supposed to be the ending of this, I planned a sad ending but then after making you guys wait, I figured that that would just be annoying if I ended it in bad terms. So, to let you in on the secret, Off was supposed to move on and love someone else because he realized that Gun would never look at him the way he looked at Oab. So the "A change of heart" theme was actually for Off, when he couldn't get himself to love Gun anymore, it is not for Gun moving on from Oab. I just had to put it out there lol. Anyway, thank you all, I don't know if I'll be able to write any OffGun fics for a while but let's see. Thank you! Have a nice day!


End file.
